My pastor asked some interesting questions over on his blog and despite giving a brief opinion over there, I just had to expound on it more over here.

I grew up thinking I wasn't a very competitive person. I judged this based on my total lack of sports ability. I'll never forget playing kick-ball in 5th grade. I rolled the ball from the pitcher's mound over to the kicker. The kid kicked it high in the air and by some odd miracle it landed in my arms. This was a miracle, I tell you. For me to catch anything had to have been an act of God. I was so stinking impressed with myself that I completely forgot to throw the ball home so that or team could get another player out. My teammates weren't all that impressed with my catch since I didn't have the sense to round it out with another out and we managed to loose the game anyway. I'm pretty sure it was then that I decided I just wasn't a competitive person.

I've figured out in recent years that I am, in fact, quite competitive. So much so, that I would rather not "play" than to put myself in a position where I might loose. I think I come by this quite naturally, actually. My mom's whole side of the family is ultra-competitive.

This Fall I started classes at Denver Seminary. Actually, just one class for now; Hebrew. I have loved this class. My professor is fabulous and I love being back in school again. Yet, in the midst of this, I've run right into this competitive streak of mine. Unlike with my undergrad, I'm now balancing school with being a mother of three, a wife, an employee and a myriad of other responsibilities that come with these roles. School is going to take me a long time and the fact that I'd eventually like to teach means that after a Master's I will need to obtain a PhD. The thought of the years this will take, the financial commitment and the balance, or lack of balance, it will require in my life terrifies me at times. I won't be a superstar mom, student or wife. I will have moments of bliss followed by moments of chaos.

There are times when the perfectionist in me wants to turn back, to continue to dream about what could be, but not take the risk to make it happen. I could choose to stop school and focus on being an extraordinary mom and wife. I could push through school faster and leave my family in the dust, but fulfill the role of an extraordinary student. Instead, I'm choosing to accept something less than perfect in myself. Even if I can't win in all areas all the time, I want to play. I will be quite ordinary...sometimes glaringly so...along the way. But, I will play and that in itself is quite extraordinary.