A Stopping Spot

Estes Park and Revelation

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 02:48:00 +0000

We were up in Estes Park last weekend for some much needed vacation time. I took this shot as Eddie and the kids were looking out over Bierstadt Lake. I love Estes Park.

On Saturday morning, Eddie got the boys up at 5:30 am to take them fishing down at Lake Estes. I read for a while and then got ready, all while my daughter slept in. I was loving the time with my mug of coffee, journal and a quiet house. Except for the birds squawking outside the window. It wasn't a sweet chirping I was hearing. So, I took a peak out the window and was surprised to see a young Robin perched on the side of a tree, rather awkwardly. I'm pretty sure we'd seen that same one hiding under a plant the afternoon. Evidently, it hadn't quite gotten the flying thing down yet. Then as I was watching, an adult Robin came hurtling down, straight at this little one. It took one sweep past with a loud, bullying-type chirp. It flew back up and made a quick turn for another swoop. I'd never seen anything quite like it and quickly realized this was probably a parent. It didn't hurt the bird. It was trying to get it to fly.

Honestly, I was a bit offended on behalf of the little bird at first. My goodness, give the little thing a break. But soon that thought was pushed out by the realization that the Robin has to fly. If it continues to camp out under the bush we found it in yesterday, it will soon be dinner for another animal. Flying is not an optional exercise for the Robyn. It's a critical skill. The parent is simply being a good Robin parent...doing what needs to be done to help its offspring survive.

So, I started wondering what this looked like for me. As a parent, what are the critical skills I want to teach my children...the ones that impact their ultimate character development? And then I had to ask myself, how much time I spend dive-bombing my children for the non-critical. I'll be honest. Too much. I want to focus on two primary things; loving God and loving others. Like flying, there are numerous other skills they need to develop and practice to succeed in these, but that's my goal. And fortunately for me, I think it can be accomplished without dive-bombing.

Reading Expectations

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Fri, 29 May 2009 02:09:00 +0000

Three whole months of summer lie ahead. I'm sure by the time we're done, I'll be ready to get back into the schedule the school year creates for us, but for the moment, I'm full of anticipation.

Right now, I'm most excited about two books I received in the mail today, Justification: God's Plan & Paul' Vision by N.T. Wright and Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel. There's nothing quite like opening a new book. The potential of the reading experience is palpable. The smell of paper and ink, looking through the index...mmmmm... I ask myself how this book might challenge me, urge me to change, make me think? At what points might I laugh, nod my head in acknowledgment or shake my head in disagreement? I'll find out soon, but until then, the anticipation of the reading experience is waiting for me.

If you have any great reading suggestions, please let me know!

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Sat, 16 May 2009 12:41:00 +0000

It's a cool day out. I was going to do some gardening, but the clouds are threatening rain and I'm not quite sure I want to be gardening in that. The fact is, I'm tired and I really don't want to do much. Unfortunately for me, the many things I put off as I was preparing for my Hebrew final are now all screaming out for my attention. Did I mention I'm tired?

The last couple weeks have been beautiful. The meeting with the school concerning our middle son's reevaluation for special services went fantastic, far better than I had anticipated. He scored average or above in all academic areas and in cognitive testing, he actually tested high average to significantly high, specifically in certain reasoning areas. I was thrilled for my son (and honestly for us, too). Those results changed the playing field. It wasn't an option to hold him back. It gave proof to what we've known all along, he's a smart kid. His learning style is not the best for a traditional classroom, but he's learning and "getting it". We're going to see how next year goes and then see if any changes need to be made that would make school fit better for him. In the mean time, my favorite part of the meeting was talking to his speech and OT teachers. They simply love him and "get" him...and that is balm to my heart.

Hebrew is over until next Fall and I decided not to take summer classes. Despite the fact that I'm only taking one class at a time right now, I need a break! I think my family needs a break, too. The kids have a long summer because their school is getting renovated over the break and I can tell that they need my attention...my physical and mental presence very palpable in their lives this summer. I'm anticipating and dreading the summer all at once. My oldest has hit this odd stage in the transition out of 2nd grade and it's a new one for us. It's made a big impact on how he relates with the rest of us. I'm glad to have summer to hunker down as a family without school influences and "relearn" and grown together.

Eddie and I had a great talk last night. We have some big decisions to make, ones that seem to draw all the energy out of me at the moment. I'm so thankful for my husband.

Well, there's my ramblings for today. As much as I wanted to garden today, I'm thankful for the overcast skies and the threat of rain. Maybe that's my sign that I need to take this opportunity to rest. I think that's just what I'll do.

Mother's Day Ruminations

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Mon, 11 May 2009 02:37:00 +0000

I knew going into the day that it just wasn't going to be about me. The fact that both boys' soccer games from two weeks ago had to be rescheduled for Mother's Day because of snow made that clear. I was ready for that, though. I pictured nice Spring skies and pleasant children...

The kids were horribly cranky yesterday. To ensure my idealist Mother's Day, I made sure they were in bed by 7 p.m. I felt glorious when five minutes later they had all snoozed off. Despite my best efforts, they still woke up with the crabbies this morning, whining and bickering resonating within every room they entered. I have to admit that my voice rose amidst their cacophony a couple times, but didn't seem to slow their driving beat.

Soccer game one came amidst a drizzle of rain and soggy fields...cold. Following a hard kick to the chest it took all of mommy's convincing and the promise of a lollipop back at home to convince Nate to get himself back out on the field to help out his team-mates who were already playing short one player. We made a quick stop at my parents to wish my Mom a happy day, and then headed to soccer game two. The sun poked through twice during the game, making my hopes rise for a change in the direction of the day. Come on, I'll settle with half an ideal day!!

Not to be so. The game was lost, the clouds gathered back to steal the sun away...and with it my dreams. Just as the clouds regrouped, so did the crabby attitudes of my children. By the time my dear husband presented dinner, I just wanted to sneak away and escape, feeling bitter and dejected that yet again, there is no day to rest. No day to gain sanity and peace, restoration in the heart of a mother.

After dinner and with much complaining, I sat myself down with my oldest son to read. You see, he'd waited until the end of the quarter to finish up his required reading for school. At this point, I'm frustrated, tireed and really just want a bath and to go to bed. But, the day's gone anyway, so why not just sacrifice the rest of it. So, we hunker down on the couch and I read to him, then he reads to me, and then my turn again. Before I know it, we're laughing together. He snuggles in to me as we read and looks at me with the all the love an 8-year old boy has in his heart for his mother and says, "Mom, this is the perfect Mother's Day." In that moment, I realize it is exactly that and am profoundly grateful.

Carpool Blessings

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 04:13:00 +0000

I was pretty anxious about this school year. I have a 2nd grader, Kindergartner and preschool. The schedules overlap and, of course, there's lots on the schedule. Carpools to the rescue. We are part of three carpools this year...one for each of the kids. I was a bit stressed out about that, wondering if I could keep up with it all.

It's turned out to be a marvelous blessing to us in many, many ways. Saving me time and gas money is probably the least important of all. My Preschooler and Kindergartner are best-friends with their carpool buddies. The moms have been life-savers to me. When Eddie and I went for a long weekend for our anniversary, one of the moms came to the rescue when my mom lost the keys to our van. In last minute jams, there are friends ready and willing to step in to help.

Three weeks ago, I spoke with my Kindergartner's teacher about how he's been doing. Great news...he's right where he needs to be. For those of you who know my kiddo, this is great news. He's struggled a bit and has some motor-development delays. Preschool was an aweful experience and we were not looking forward to this year. I was thrilled with the report...and then quickly deflated as she proceeded to tell me about concerns she has for next year, mostly related to his attention and speed (meaning he does everything slowly). I felt anxious and a little disturbed that this hadn't been addressed earlier in the year and quickly decided to talk to one of my carpool moms. As a former Pre-K-2nd grade teacher, she has graced me with ideas, resources and feedback that have been critical to decisions about next year.

I can't help but laugh as I look back at my fear of navigating this school year's transportation needs. All I needed was a ride for my kids, but instead I've been graced with the wisdom, support and grace of really amazing women.

It's Spring!

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 14:20:00 +0000

It's been beautiful weather in Denver this week (although we could use some moisture). Today is the day that we've really seen evidence of Spring though.

The kids were looking out in the backyard this morning and laughing at the squirrels who were "fighting". I explained that they weren't really fighting, but were getting ready to have babies. They, of course, thought that was particularly interesting.

Once we were ready for school, we were watching out the front window and the kids were enraptured with the many birds flying around, including a pair of Robins in our tree in the front.

My oldest (almost 8 years) informed his younger siblings that the birds were mating. They asked what that meant. Here's his reply:

"Well, mating is when animals get together and don't really have a ceremony in a church or anything, but they get a nest together and have babies. It's actually so amazing that I don't really have words to describe it."

At which point, I turned into the kitchen and had my own little private chuckle.

I love Spring. I love hearing the birds, watching the landscape come back to life after dull winter colors. I feel content in the fullness of hope that comes with new life.

International Women's Day

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 21:50:00 +0000

International Women's Day was created in 1911 and serves to as a global day celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future.

Julie Clawson has organized a synchroblog for IWD and encouraged bloggers, pastors and anyone interested to tell the stories of women in the Bible.

I've started researching Hannah for my class this Spring. Her story is told at the beginning of the book of 1 Samuel. Hannah is married to Elkanah, who also has another wife, Peninnah. And here's where the story gets interesting...Peninnah has children, but Hannah doesn't. Having children was a vital role of women in that society and Hannah's lack of children significantly impacted her status.

This particular year, as the family is in Shiloh worshiping the Lord, Hannah prays desperately for a son and in return she promises to give the child back to the Lord for service. Through a series of events, her prayer is answered and her son becomes the means by which God works in Israel and eventually establishes a monarchy for the kingdom.

As I look at Hannah and her story, I'm reminded of Sarai (later Sarah). Both these women were unable to have children and through a miracle of God were granted sons who were instrumental in God's work within the people of Israel. It's easy to overlook these stories as they don't seem critical. Yet the stories are included and we're left to wrestle with the "why".

Considering the status of women during Old Testament (and New Testament) times, the inclusion of these stories, I believe, is a glimpse into the redemption God intends for the people of God. The stories from the margins show insight into Kingdom values and encourage us to honor such stories in our world today.

Hannah's story is of a woman shunned in her culture, of little value. Her cry to the Lord, the ensuing pregnancy and her beautiful, prophetic song set the stage for God's next move.

Let us value the stories of women. Let us honor the stories of calling and passion. Let us grieve the stories of abuse and degradation. Let us work to encourage, to protect, to call out injustice and to be agents of God's kingdom of reconciliation!

There are some amazing posts as part of this synchroblog. I encourage you to check out the posts linked below:

Julie Clawson on the God who sees
Steve Hayes on St. Theodora the Iconodule
Sonja Andrews on Aunt Jemima
Sensuous Wife on a single mom in the Bible
Minnowspeaks on celebrating women
Michelle Van Loon on the persistant widow
Lyn Hallewell on the strength of biblical women
Shawna Atteberry on the Daughter of Mary Magdalene
Christine Sine on women who impacted her life
Susan Barnes on Tamar, Ruth, and Mary
Kathy Escobar on standing up for nameless and voiceless women
Ellen Haroutunian on out from under the veil
Liz Dyer on Mary and Martha
Bethany Stedman on Shiphrah and Puah
Dan Brennan on Mary Magdalene
Jessica Schafer on Bathsheba
Eugene Cho on Lydia
Laura sorts through what she knows about women in the Bible
Miz Melly preached on the woman at the well
AJ Schwanz on women’s work
Pam Hogeweide on teenage girls changing the world
Teresa on the women Paul didn’t hate
Helen on Esther
Happy on Abigail
Mark Baker-Wright on telling stories
Robin M. on Eve
Alan Knox is thankful for the women who served God

Beautiful Conversation

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 22:20:00 +0000

I called my kids to me and all of us snuggled together around our reading chair, now much to small to hold the four of us, but we manage. One sits on my lap and the two others each sit on the arm of the chair and we lean in together. This particular night, we're reading from In God's Name by Sandy Eisenberg Sasso.

I love this book, but honestly, my children have not. They would much rather read about the adventures of Scooby Doo or of Jack and Annie and the Magic Treehouse stories.

This particular evening, we decided to read the story a different way. This particular book talks about the names people have for God and how often it is easy to fight over which name is "right". It begins:

After God created the world, all living things on earth were given a name. The plants and the trees, the animals and the fish, and each person, young and old, had a special name. But no one knew the name for God. So each person searched for God's name.

The farmer who works the land calls God, "Source of Life"
The man who tends the sheep calls God "Shepherd"
The soldier who has fought too many wars calls God "Maker of Peace"
The slave who is freed from bondage calls God "Redeemer"

As the story unfolded, we took a break at each page and discussed that particular name for God. We asked the question why that character thought his/her name for God was so good and then talked about how that name does describe God. As we discussed, this book that has held so little interest for my children became alive. They were caught up in this story of who God is and how God works in our lives.

As we ended our reading for the night, they asked if we could read it again every night and talk more about God. I understood that my kids need to know more than just the details about God outlined in a book, but instead need to experience how it impacts them. Somewhere in that journey, it began to come alive and soak into their souls. My mother's heart was full and thankful.

Cool Stuff

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 23:21:00 +0000

It's cool for me anyway...

Yesterday and today, I taught the weekend services at our church. I'm incredibly wiped out this afternoon...three services is a lot. But, my soul is satisfied. It is an amazing experience to dig into the Bible, share what I've learned with a group of people and somehow have it be more than simply my words. It's been an amazing experience and I am very thankful for the opportunity.

Waiting

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 05:20:00 +0000

I've been in a season of waiting for a while now. For a time, I felt that I was just waiting for "something". I think I've come to realize that part of waiting is simply not "doing". In not holding up a measuring stick, there is freedom to listen to the heartbeat of God, to learn that rhythm and to rest there. My coach sent me a poem that captures this beautifully.

I weave a silence on to my lips;
I weave a silence into my mind;
I weave a silence within my heart.
I close my ears to distractions;
I close my eyes to attractions;
I close my heart to temptations.
Calm me O Lord, as you stilled the storm;
Still me, O Lord, keep me from harm.
Let all the tumult within me cease;
Enfold me, Lord, in your peace. (David Adam)

Psalm 62:1 "For God alone my soul waits in silence."

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 03:48:00 +0000

My pastor asked some interesting questions over on his blog and despite giving a brief opinion over there, I just had to expound on it more over here.

I grew up thinking I wasn't a very competitive person. I judged this based on my total lack of sports ability. I'll never forget playing kick-ball in 5th grade. I rolled the ball from the pitcher's mound over to the kicker. The kid kicked it high in the air and by some odd miracle it landed in my arms. This was a miracle, I tell you. For me to catch anything had to have been an act of God. I was so stinking impressed with myself that I completely forgot to throw the ball home so that or team could get another player out. My teammates weren't all that impressed with my catch since I didn't have the sense to round it out with another out and we managed to loose the game anyway. I'm pretty sure it was then that I decided I just wasn't a competitive person.

I've figured out in recent years that I am, in fact, quite competitive. So much so, that I would rather not "play" than to put myself in a position where I might loose. I think I come by this quite naturally, actually. My mom's whole side of the family is ultra-competitive.

This Fall I started classes at Denver Seminary. Actually, just one class for now; Hebrew. I have loved this class. My professor is fabulous and I love being back in school again. Yet, in the midst of this, I've run right into this competitive streak of mine. Unlike with my undergrad, I'm now balancing school with being a mother of three, a wife, an employee and a myriad of other responsibilities that come with these roles. School is going to take me a long time and the fact that I'd eventually like to teach means that after a Master's I will need to obtain a PhD. The thought of the years this will take, the financial commitment and the balance, or lack of balance, it will require in my life terrifies me at times. I won't be a superstar mom, student or wife. I will have moments of bliss followed by moments of chaos.

There are times when the perfectionist in me wants to turn back, to continue to dream about what could be, but not take the risk to make it happen. I could choose to stop school and focus on being an extraordinary mom and wife. I could push through school faster and leave my family in the dust, but fulfill the role of an extraordinary student. Instead, I'm choosing to accept something less than perfect in myself. Even if I can't win in all areas all the time, I want to play. I will be quite ordinary...sometimes glaringly so...along the way. But, I will play and that in itself is quite extraordinary.

Who Knew?

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 05:15:00 +0000

Who knew that a five-page paper would take me so long!? The last month has been busy with day-to-day life (which is enough to keep me busy by itself), but also with writing my first paper for seminary. It's a relatively simple 5-page word study for my Hebrew class, but based on the time I put into it you'd have thought it was closer to 20 pages. Ahhh...I am out of practice in this area.

The good news is that I just printed off my final draft and I'm pretty content with it. I actually am really excited about some of the ideas in the paper. I'll share sometime soon. For tonight, it's off to study my flash cards in prep for class tomorrow!

The One Who Makes Peace

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 15:01:00 +0000

One of my favorite parts of my Hebrew class are the little snippets of sermons we get in our lessons. There's nothing quite like a professor who is awed by her subject and revels in the process of learning and what that brings to us both personally and corporately as we discipline ourselves into learning a language, specifically a biblical language.

Last Wednesday night we interpreted some prayers from a Jewish reformed prayer book. One in particular has stayed with me this week.

The prayer says:

Maker of peace, from his high place, he will make peace over us on all of Israel, and say Amen.

There are a couple things that are significant about this prayer. First, this prayer is said by the Jewish community. Peace has historically not existed for the this community. From the time spent in Egypt, the exile, views of Jews that existed as Christianity became a state sponsored religion, the Holocaust and the continuing conflict in the Middle East today, peace seems a distant dream. This is a prayer of faith for a people who have not experienced peace, but continue to place their hope in God.

The second thing that stood out to me is the first section. "Maker of peace" would read literally, the one who is making peace. The verb "making" is indicative of continuing action. Linked with the next clause, there is an image set up for us. The one who is continuing to make peace, will make peace over us. I God directing the clouds over our heads, a spattering of rain on the sidewalk quickly changing into a steady rain that soaks through; cool, wet heavy rain that leaves us drenched but oddly refreshed. Instead of rain, though, we are drenched with peace. As the storm clouds drift away and the rain lets up, we are left with the same world around us, but the smell is fresher, the grass is greener and renewed hope is held quietly, preciously, in our hearts.

What do we do?

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 04:49:00 +0000

I've mentioned before my frustration with some of the e-mails sent around about Obama during the political campaign.

Today, I was forwarded an e-mail that surpassed all those. It moved from ignorant e-mail forwarding...the kind where the sender doesn't check facts and forwards on incorrect and often harmful material...to one of outright racism.

I think what stunned me the most was that this was from an individual I really respected.

Just last night, my husband shared with me a story of a friend who has what we might call naive racism. He doesn't even realize that what he says is extremely hurtful and propagates the current power structures. His reality says this is all true and yet he is somehow blind to the faults of this way of thinking.

The fact is that this is me, too. I make my own assumptions and think that's reality for all. I use structures that work for me. I don't want my ignorance to be an excuse, though. I want to hear the stories of people not like me...and let it make a difference. Lord, open my eyes.

Another Funny Kid Story...

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 16:29:00 +0000

Last night I was working on a school project with our boys. They had to do some research about someone they knew who served in the military and then write up some of that information. Along with this project, the kids in the school are doing extra chores and raising money to send a veteran on a 3-day trip to Washington D.C. to look at the war memorials. It's a pretty neat project. And, we learned along the way, a needed trip into history for our children. So, here's my conversation with your 7-year old.

7-year old: Mom, what did Papa do in the Army?

Me: In the Army, he was an accounting specialist, but he was a cook when he served with the Air National Guard.

7-year old: What did he cook?

Me: Food.

7-year old: Wow, you mean food was invented way back then?

I Wish I Had A Tan

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 03:02:00 +0000

Warning, totally unimportant blog post ahead...

I was at the gym the other day trying to maintain my work out schedule (which is more for psychological well-being than physical). I was doing my requisite weight routine when I glanced toward the mirror and cringed. Let me just say that the bright white light stunned me into inactivity just long enough for me to remember that it was just my lily white legs. Of course, I only had to look around to see several other folks working out with a nice brownish glow to their skin...and I so wish I had a little more melanin myself. Red-heads are just plain out of luck in that area.

So, there's my thought for the day!

Born Again Church Tour Recap

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 21:58:00 +0000

Last weekend was the Born Again Church Tour here in Denver. It was a great weekend with good conversation and lots of challenging stuff.

One of the best things about a conference like this is that it brings together people from varying backgrounds and mixes us all up a bit. We meet new people who are similar to us and others who are pretty different. This falls right in line with the tension intended from this conference. When we come face to face with "real people" rather than mere issues, the context of the conversation changes.

But, this tension is a difficult space to dwell in. And it was difficult for some in our group. I knew that going in...it's still difficult for me. We're all at varying stages in our journeys and some of these conversations are very uncomfortable...there is no "easy" button. These conversations also mess with our way of doing life and faith and that hurts, especially when a particular way of doing each of these is married to what we call "truth". It then becomes easy to dismiss experiences that lie outside our solid lines.

It seems to me that this place of discomfort, when we want sincerely to defend our process and to take away this tension that confuses us and questions our way of doing life, that we need to press in. We need to wait in that place of discomfort, to seriously consider and accept the questions, whether they are ours or others'.

I know that this time was valuable for each of us that attended. For some, this was a safe place and the ideas were life-giving and exciting. For others it was disheartening and overwhelming. For all of us, it was the start of new conversations.

Parent Teacher Conferences

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 04:27:00 +0000

If you asked me in August whether I was looking forward to our first parent teacher conferences of the year, I probably just would have cried. Honestly.

Our middle child has been diagnosed with a couple developmental delays. Nothing major but enough to keep this mama on her toes. That, combined with a bad preschool experience made for a worried me and a frustrated child. In fact, before school started, my son informed me that he worked hard enough in preschool. He was willing to go to preschool, but if they made him work, he wasn't interested. Well, there you have it. My fear increased. The thought of fighting through years of school was at the forefront of my mind.

It hasn't been that way at all. He works so hard in school, but because it's a good environment, he's fine with it. He's doing fantastic. Really...absolutely fantastic. He started reading to me about two weeks ago and is so proud of himself. I couldn't be more proud at how he has dug in. I am so impressed with how his teacher handles his classroom that makes it very safe for my child.

Ahhh...I'm sure that we will run into our speedbumps along the way as that's just the story of life. But for now, I'm basking in the good report and the happiness of my precious son!

Lord, Are You Speaking To Me or Is It Just the Baseline?

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 13:01:00 +0000

Last night my husband and I attended a concert/worship session with Paul Baloche at New Life Church in Colorado Springs. They are in the midst of a 3-day worship conference called "Enter".

The event was a bit of an odd experience for me. I grew up in churches that placed high stock in worship...that is "praise and worship". The worship services at church seemed to be the point in time everyone longed for throughout the week. It was the emotional place, the place where you sought God for that emotional high that would carry you through the following week. I remember dancing to the song "Jehovah Jireh, My Provider" and the next step of then going forward for prayer. They wouldn't stop praying until you were slain in the spirit. I remember laying on the floor a few times thinking in my head "How long do I have to stay down to make this seem real"? There was some odd stuff that happened at that church. I'm sure that God was present, because God is faithful to meet us, and yet I know that a lot of what went on was deeply influenced by stuff that is definitely theologically suspect if not in some cases downright spiritual manipulation.

When we came to our current church, it was a different denomination, but some of the same things were going on. Still seeking to feel God, both Eddie and I felt that it was a fit for us. But over the last 9 years, my understanding of faith and a relationship with Christ has changed.

Yesterday evening is the first time in about 7 or 8 years that I've been in setting where people have come for the sole purpose of a special place of worship and hearing from God. Without being totally aware of what was happening in me, my initial response was cynicism. I questioned use of group dynamics to create a particular feeling, I judged the guy in front of us who was jumping up and down with some weird head movement thing going on. Emotionally and spiritually, my arms were crossed and I began closing down in a type of fear response.

Until the song, "Praise Adonai" came on. There was a point in the song that either God broke through my initial response or I simply succumbed to the baseline heartbeat of the music. But the breakthrough wasn't a highly emotional thing for me, but a reminder of the path I've been on in my own process.

The first thing that went through my mind was that it the gentleman in front of me has every right to jump up and down and do odd head movements. It's none of my concern how he and God do business. That's between them and I can keep my grubby little hands (or in this case, thought) out of it.

Second, though, was some grappling with how faith, life and relationship with God look like for me. In my own reaction against the feelings of manipulation, both of me and of the purpose of the Holy Spirit in our lives, I pushed much in the way of emotion out of my relationship with God. That's actually a fairly easy thing for me as I tend towards being a thinker anyway. But the question that kept prodding my mind last night was whether closing that emotional door entirely was healthy for me. If not, what does the integration of intellect and emotion look like in my life, 'cause I'm pretty sure there won't be any jumping and head-bobbing for me in the near future?

So, whether it was just the baseline, or God's prodding, last night's worship ended up being much more thought-provoking than I would have originally thought.

By the way, here is an acoustic recording of Praise Adonai. It really is a beautiful song.

Blogging...

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 03:35:00 +0000

Blogging has fallen pretty low on the priority list lately. I have ideas that float through my mind on posts, but either I don't have the energy to follow up on them or they're just not that interesting or appropriate outside my own head!

That and life is pretty busy now that school is in full swing. In fact, we are now part of three separate carpools to get kids to and from their respective schools. It's a bit much to keep track of, but once I have the rythm down, it's wonderful. Especially as without these carpools, I would be spending an hour and a half to two hours a day just taking kids to and from school.

In the midst of all the craziness of our fall schedule, I have come upon a realization that is quite precious to me. For the first time in a long time, I feal a deep peace in my life. The craziness of life hasn't change, but somehow in the midst of it I am at a place of peace, comfort and happiness. I'm so thankful for this place. It's as if I know the winds are swirling around me, but I can take a deep breath and just deal with it.

Phoenix Wedding

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 21:58:00 +0000

We spent last weekend down in Phoenix for Eddie's brother's wedding. We had a great time meeting Hugo's new wife and daughter and catching up with family.

The best part of the trip for me was after the wedding, though. (First off, the wedding was outside at 5:00 in Phoenix in August and it was a long service). Anyway, there was a dance afterwards and our kids just let loose. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time! Aaron spent the evening doing the robot dance. Nate was hilarious. I didn't know he had it in him, but he went to town. And Elianna...I just couldn't capture it on the camera. She was trying to mimic the floor routines from the gymnastic competitions at the Olympics. She had all types of moves and the facial expression to go with them. By 9:30, both boys were sound asleep on couches just off the dance floor. Elianna didn't slow down all night.

Cute Kid Quote

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 03:03:00 +0000

Tonight's dinner conversation with my 4-year-old daughter:

Daughter: "I can't eat, my heart hurts."

Me: "Why does your heart hurt?"

Daughter: "Because I asked God into my heart, but now he's sitting on it."

Chuckles from me and my husband.

Daughter, pouting, "Maybe God's jumping on my heart."

About 20 minutes later as she sits on the couch with her hands clasped in front of her:

Me: "What are you doing, Sweetheart."

Daughter: "Praying that God will get off my heart."

Freedom to Fly

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 02:15:00 +0000

As some of you know, our family has become novice bird watchers (see here and here). It all started with visits to my parents when they lived in Salt Lake City. At that time, their back deck was right at the level of the fruit apple trees in their back yard. My dad set out some feeders and a heated birdbath and they had a host of feathered friends join them. When we’d take the kids to visit, a favorite activity in the morning was placing peanuts around the ledge on the deck and going back inside with faces glued to the sliding glass door as they watched the Blue Jays come to eat.

A couple years ago, Robins made a nest on the brick ledge of our house right outside the front door. Later on, Mourning Doves came to use that same nest. The boys had a bird’s eye view, literally, into the bird’s nest and got to see eggs and the development of the babies. So, this summer, for Mother’s Day, I bought myself a couple bird feeders and set them up outside. We’ve had House Finches, Chipping Sparrows, Mourning Doves, Black Headed Grosbeaks and a couple of Chikadees visiting ever since. One of our favorite things to do is sit on the little couch in our front room and watch the birds.

Just the other day, my oldest son told me that he wants to capture the birds and keep them inside with us. I had to laugh. Doesn’t it seem like human nature to want to capture those things that exhibit beauty and mystery and put it in cage? I tried to explain to him that we would loose the wonder if we bottled them up inside, besides the fact that we’d have a lot of mess to clean up on a consistent basis. I don’t think he’s convinced, though. ☺

I can’t help but wonder how many things in life we choose to put in captivity that would function so much better if given the freedom nature, and God, intended.

First Day of School

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 03:48:00 +0000

Well, we made it through the first day of school...and it was good.

Nate has been making me nervous all summer, telling me that he was willing to go to Kindgergarten, but after all the hard work he did last year, he decided he wasn't planning to work on hard stuff this year. And let me tell you, if Nate doesn't want to work, life gets hard. Fortunately, he likes his teacher and his first day of Kindergarten was so much better than his first day of preschool. When I picked him up, he was talking a mile a minute!

Aaron seems to like his new teacher as well. She gives out pennies for good behavior that the kids can use in a penny candy dispenser...what more could 2nd graders want? Except for my son who decided he'd bring the penny home to save for Legos.

I received my class syllabus for my first seminary course. I need to have the Hebrew alphabet memorized by the first week of class. Can I just say that panic has set in for this year?! I'm so excited, but I also know that with my work schedule, the kids school schedule, my school schedule and other day-to-day stuff, it's going to be very busy. I'm sure once the routine is down, it will be manageable. I sure hope so!

By the way, are the boys cute in their uniforms?

Life as a Quest

eaborjas@comcast.net (Amy) — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 20:30:00 +0000

I've been reading the book Spiritual Direction by Henri Nouwen. This is the second book of Nouwen's I've read and I really enjoy his approach and the way he writes.

Toward the beginning of this book, he states that spiritual direction is the process of asking life's big questions within a supportive community (pg. 5). He goes on to say that often it's difficult for us to answer the big questions on our own because our fears and pain mask the questions in the first place. He goes on to say;

"Once pain or confusion is framed or articulated by a question, it must be lived rather than answered. The first task of guidance then is to touch your own struggles, doubts and insecurities - in short, to affirm your life as a quest. Your life, my life, is given graciously by God. Our lives are not problems to be solved but journeys to be taken with Jesus as our friend and finest guide." (page 6, emphasis mine)

I tend to enjoy making lists. And, when I make my lists, I always make little squares to the left of each item. That way, when I complete a particular task, I can mark it with a nice check mark. The last couple of years have been a period of learning for me. Lists work great for getting stuff done in the office, at the house or when preparing for a trip. But as far as real life goes their use is quite limited. That's what I appreciate so much about Nouwen's quote. Our lives, rather than being a checklist of issues to solve, is a series of questions best answered when journeying within a supportive community, following close to our God.