Estes Park and Revelation

We were up in Estes Park last weekend for some much needed vacation time. I took this shot as Eddie and the kids were looking out over Bierstadt Lake. I love Estes Park.

On Saturday morning, Eddie got the boys up at 5:30 am to take them fishing down at Lake Estes. I read for a while and then got ready, all while my daughter slept in. I was loving the time with my mug of coffee, journal and a quiet house. Except for the birds squawking outside the window. It wasn't a sweet chirping I was hearing. So, I took a peak out the window and was surprised to see a young Robin perched on the side of a tree, rather awkwardly. I'm pretty sure we'd seen that same one hiding under a plant the afternoon. Evidently, it hadn't quite gotten the flying thing down yet. Then as I was watching, an adult Robin came hurtling down, straight at this little one. It took one sweep past with a loud, bullying-type chirp. It flew back up and made a quick turn for another swoop. I'd never seen anything quite like it and quickly realized this was probably a parent. It didn't hurt the bird. It was trying to get it to fly.

Honestly, I was a bit offended on behalf of the little bird at first. My goodness, give the little thing a break. But soon that thought was pushed out by the realization that the Robin has to fly. If it continues to camp out under the bush we found it in yesterday, it will soon be dinner for another animal. Flying is not an optional exercise for the Robyn. It's a critical skill. The parent is simply being a good Robin parent...doing what needs to be done to help its offspring survive.

So, I started wondering what this looked like for me. As a parent, what are the critical skills I want to teach my children...the ones that impact their ultimate character development? And then I had to ask myself, how much time I spend dive-bombing my children for the non-critical. I'll be honest. Too much. I want to focus on two primary things; loving God and loving others. Like flying, there are numerous other skills they need to develop and practice to succeed in these, but that's my goal. And fortunately for me, I think it can be accomplished without dive-bombing.

Reading Expectations

Three whole months of summer lie ahead. I'm sure by the time we're done, I'll be ready to get back into the schedule the school year creates for us, but for the moment, I'm full of anticipation.

Right now, I'm most excited about two books I received in the mail today, Justification: God's Plan & Paul' Vision by N.T. Wright and Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel. There's nothing quite like opening a new book. The potential of the reading experience is palpable. The smell of paper and ink, looking through the index...mmmmm... I ask myself how this book might challenge me, urge me to change, make me think? At what points might I laugh, nod my head in acknowledgment or shake my head in disagreement? I'll find out soon, but until then, the anticipation of the reading experience is waiting for me.

If you have any great reading suggestions, please let me know!

It's a cool day out. I was going to do some gardening, but the clouds are threatening rain and I'm not quite sure I want to be gardening in that. The fact is, I'm tired and I really don't want to do much. Unfortunately for me, the many things I put off as I was preparing for my Hebrew final are now all screaming out for my attention. Did I mention I'm tired?

The last couple weeks have been beautiful. The meeting with the school concerning our middle son's reevaluation for special services went fantastic, far better than I had anticipated. He scored average or above in all academic areas and in cognitive testing, he actually tested high average to significantly high, specifically in certain reasoning areas. I was thrilled for my son (and honestly for us, too). Those results changed the playing field. It wasn't an option to hold him back. It gave proof to what we've known all along, he's a smart kid. His learning style is not the best for a traditional classroom, but he's learning and "getting it". We're going to see how next year goes and then see if any changes need to be made that would make school fit better for him. In the mean time, my favorite part of the meeting was talking to his speech and OT teachers. They simply love him and "get" him...and that is balm to my heart.

Hebrew is over until next Fall and I decided not to take summer classes. Despite the fact that I'm only taking one class at a time right now, I need a break! I think my family needs a break, too. The kids have a long summer because their school is getting renovated over the break and I can tell that they need my attention...my physical and mental presence very palpable in their lives this summer. I'm anticipating and dreading the summer all at once. My oldest has hit this odd stage in the transition out of 2nd grade and it's a new one for us. It's made a big impact on how he relates with the rest of us. I'm glad to have summer to hunker down as a family without school influences and "relearn" and grown together.

Eddie and I had a great talk last night. We have some big decisions to make, ones that seem to draw all the energy out of me at the moment. I'm so thankful for my husband.

Well, there's my ramblings for today. As much as I wanted to garden today, I'm thankful for the overcast skies and the threat of rain. Maybe that's my sign that I need to take this opportunity to rest. I think that's just what I'll do.

Mother's Day Ruminations

I knew going into the day that it just wasn't going to be about me. The fact that both boys' soccer games from two weeks ago had to be rescheduled for Mother's Day because of snow made that clear. I was ready for that, though. I pictured nice Spring skies and pleasant children...

The kids were horribly cranky yesterday. To ensure my idealist Mother's Day, I made sure they were in bed by 7 p.m. I felt glorious when five minutes later they had all snoozed off. Despite my best efforts, they still woke up with the crabbies this morning, whining and bickering resonating within every room they entered. I have to admit that my voice rose amidst their cacophony a couple times, but didn't seem to slow their driving beat.

Soccer game one came amidst a drizzle of rain and soggy fields...cold. Following a hard kick to the chest it took all of mommy's convincing and the promise of a lollipop back at home to convince Nate to get himself back out on the field to help out his team-mates who were already playing short one player. We made a quick stop at my parents to wish my Mom a happy day, and then headed to soccer game two. The sun poked through twice during the game, making my hopes rise for a change in the direction of the day. Come on, I'll settle with half an ideal day!!

Not to be so. The game was lost, the clouds gathered back to steal the sun away...and with it my dreams. Just as the clouds regrouped, so did the crabby attitudes of my children. By the time my dear husband presented dinner, I just wanted to sneak away and escape, feeling bitter and dejected that yet again, there is no day to rest. No day to gain sanity and peace, restoration in the heart of a mother.

After dinner and with much complaining, I sat myself down with my oldest son to read. You see, he'd waited until the end of the quarter to finish up his required reading for school. At this point, I'm frustrated, tireed and really just want a bath and to go to bed. But, the day's gone anyway, so why not just sacrifice the rest of it. So, we hunker down on the couch and I read to him, then he reads to me, and then my turn again. Before I know it, we're laughing together. He snuggles in to me as we read and looks at me with the all the love an 8-year old boy has in his heart for his mother and says, "Mom, this is the perfect Mother's Day." In that moment, I realize it is exactly that and am profoundly grateful.

Carpool Blessings

I was pretty anxious about this school year. I have a 2nd grader, Kindergartner and preschool. The schedules overlap and, of course, there's lots on the schedule. Carpools to the rescue. We are part of three carpools this year...one for each of the kids. I was a bit stressed out about that, wondering if I could keep up with it all.

It's turned out to be a marvelous blessing to us in many, many ways. Saving me time and gas money is probably the least important of all. My Preschooler and Kindergartner are best-friends with their carpool buddies. The moms have been life-savers to me. When Eddie and I went for a long weekend for our anniversary, one of the moms came to the rescue when my mom lost the keys to our van. In last minute jams, there are friends ready and willing to step in to help.

Three weeks ago, I spoke with my Kindergartner's teacher about how he's been doing. Great news...he's right where he needs to be. For those of you who know my kiddo, this is great news. He's struggled a bit and has some motor-development delays. Preschool was an aweful experience and we were not looking forward to this year. I was thrilled with the report...and then quickly deflated as she proceeded to tell me about concerns she has for next year, mostly related to his attention and speed (meaning he does everything slowly). I felt anxious and a little disturbed that this hadn't been addressed earlier in the year and quickly decided to talk to one of my carpool moms. As a former Pre-K-2nd grade teacher, she has graced me with ideas, resources and feedback that have been critical to decisions about next year.

I can't help but laugh as I look back at my fear of navigating this school year's transportation needs. All I needed was a ride for my kids, but instead I've been graced with the wisdom, support and grace of really amazing women.

It's Spring!

It's been beautiful weather in Denver this week (although we could use some moisture). Today is the day that we've really seen evidence of Spring though.

The kids were looking out in the backyard this morning and laughing at the squirrels who were "fighting". I explained that they weren't really fighting, but were getting ready to have babies. They, of course, thought that was particularly interesting.

Once we were ready for school, we were watching out the front window and the kids were enraptured with the many birds flying around, including a pair of Robins in our tree in the front.

My oldest (almost 8 years) informed his younger siblings that the birds were mating. They asked what that meant. Here's his reply:

"Well, mating is when animals get together and don't really have a ceremony in a church or anything, but they get a nest together and have babies. It's actually so amazing that I don't really have words to describe it."

At which point, I turned into the kitchen and had my own little private chuckle.

I love Spring. I love hearing the birds, watching the landscape come back to life after dull winter colors. I feel content in the fullness of hope that comes with new life.

International Women's Day

International Women's Day was created in 1911 and serves to as a global day celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future.

Julie Clawson has organized a synchroblog for IWD and encouraged bloggers, pastors and anyone interested to tell the stories of women in the Bible.

I've started researching Hannah for my class this Spring. Her story is told at the beginning of the book of 1 Samuel. Hannah is married to Elkanah, who also has another wife, Peninnah. And here's where the story gets interesting...Peninnah has children, but Hannah doesn't. Having children was a vital role of women in that society and Hannah's lack of children significantly impacted her status.

This particular year, as the family is in Shiloh worshiping the Lord, Hannah prays desperately for a son and in return she promises to give the child back to the Lord for service. Through a series of events, her prayer is answered and her son becomes the means by which God works in Israel and eventually establishes a monarchy for the kingdom.

As I look at Hannah and her story, I'm reminded of Sarai (later Sarah). Both these women were unable to have children and through a miracle of God were granted sons who were instrumental in God's work within the people of Israel. It's easy to overlook these stories as they don't seem critical. Yet the stories are included and we're left to wrestle with the "why".

Considering the status of women during Old Testament (and New Testament) times, the inclusion of these stories, I believe, is a glimpse into the redemption God intends for the people of God. The stories from the margins show insight into Kingdom values and encourage us to honor such stories in our world today.

Hannah's story is of a woman shunned in her culture, of little value. Her cry to the Lord, the ensuing pregnancy and her beautiful, prophetic song set the stage for God's next move.

Let us value the stories of women. Let us honor the stories of calling and passion. Let us grieve the stories of abuse and degradation. Let us work to encourage, to protect, to call out injustice and to be agents of God's kingdom of reconciliation!

There are some amazing posts as part of this synchroblog. I encourage you to check out the posts linked below:

Julie Clawson on the God who sees
Steve Hayes on St. Theodora the Iconodule
Sonja Andrews on Aunt Jemima
Sensuous Wife on a single mom in the Bible
Minnowspeaks on celebrating women
Michelle Van Loon on the persistant widow
Lyn Hallewell on the strength of biblical women
Shawna Atteberry on the Daughter of Mary Magdalene
Christine Sine on women who impacted her life
Susan Barnes on Tamar, Ruth, and Mary
Kathy Escobar on standing up for nameless and voiceless women
Ellen Haroutunian on out from under the veil
Liz Dyer on Mary and Martha
Bethany Stedman on Shiphrah and Puah
Dan Brennan on Mary Magdalene
Jessica Schafer on Bathsheba
Eugene Cho on Lydia
Laura sorts through what she knows about women in the Bible
Miz Melly preached on the woman at the well
AJ Schwanz on women’s work
Pam Hogeweide on teenage girls changing the world
Teresa on the women Paul didn’t hate
Helen on Esther
Happy on Abigail
Mark Baker-Wright on telling stories
Robin M. on Eve
Alan Knox is thankful for the women who served God

Beautiful Conversation

I called my kids to me and all of us snuggled together around our reading chair, now much to small to hold the four of us, but we manage. One sits on my lap and the two others each sit on the arm of the chair and we lean in together. This particular night, we're reading from In God's Name by Sandy Eisenberg Sasso.

I love this book, but honestly, my children have not. They would much rather read about the adventures of Scooby Doo or of Jack and Annie and the Magic Treehouse stories.

This particular evening, we decided to read the story a different way. This particular book talks about the names people have for God and how often it is easy to fight over which name is "right". It begins:

After God created the world, all living things on earth were given a name. The plants and the trees, the animals and the fish, and each person, young and old, had a special name. But no one knew the name for God. So each person searched for God's name.

The farmer who works the land calls God, "Source of Life"
The man who tends the sheep calls God "Shepherd"
The soldier who has fought too many wars calls God "Maker of Peace"
The slave who is freed from bondage calls God "Redeemer"

As the story unfolded, we took a break at each page and discussed that particular name for God. We asked the question why that character thought his/her name for God was so good and then talked about how that name does describe God. As we discussed, this book that has held so little interest for my children became alive. They were caught up in this story of who God is and how God works in our lives.

As we ended our reading for the night, they asked if we could read it again every night and talk more about God. I understood that my kids need to know more than just the details about God outlined in a book, but instead need to experience how it impacts them. Somewhere in that journey, it began to come alive and soak into their souls. My mother's heart was full and thankful.

Cool Stuff

It's cool for me anyway...

Yesterday and today, I taught the weekend services at our church. I'm incredibly wiped out this afternoon...three services is a lot. But, my soul is satisfied. It is an amazing experience to dig into the Bible, share what I've learned with a group of people and somehow have it be more than simply my words. It's been an amazing experience and I am very thankful for the opportunity.

Waiting

I've been in a season of waiting for a while now. For a time, I felt that I was just waiting for "something". I think I've come to realize that part of waiting is simply not "doing". In not holding up a measuring stick, there is freedom to listen to the heartbeat of God, to learn that rhythm and to rest there. My coach sent me a poem that captures this beautifully.

I weave a silence on to my lips;
I weave a silence into my mind;
I weave a silence within my heart.
I close my ears to distractions;
I close my eyes to attractions;
I close my heart to temptations.
Calm me O Lord, as you stilled the storm;
Still me, O Lord, keep me from harm.
Let all the tumult within me cease;
Enfold me, Lord, in your peace.   (David Adam)

Psalm 62:1 "For God alone my soul waits in silence."

My pastor asked some interesting questions over on his blog and despite giving a brief opinion over there, I just had to expound on it more over here.

I grew up thinking I wasn't a very competitive person. I judged this based on my total lack of sports ability. I'll never forget playing kick-ball in 5th grade. I rolled the ball from the pitcher's mound over to the kicker. The kid kicked it high in the air and by some odd miracle it landed in my arms. This was a miracle, I tell you. For me to catch anything had to have been an act of God. I was so stinking impressed with myself that I completely forgot to throw the ball home so that or team could get another player out. My teammates weren't all that impressed with my catch since I didn't have the sense to round it out with another out and we managed to loose the game anyway. I'm pretty sure it was then that I decided I just wasn't a competitive person.

I've figured out in recent years that I am, in fact, quite competitive. So much so, that I would rather not "play" than to put myself in a position where I might loose. I think I come by this quite naturally, actually. My mom's whole side of the family is ultra-competitive.

This Fall I started classes at Denver Seminary. Actually, just one class for now; Hebrew. I have loved this class. My professor is fabulous and I love being back in school again. Yet, in the midst of this, I've run right into this competitive streak of mine. Unlike with my undergrad, I'm now balancing school with being a mother of three, a wife, an employee and a myriad of other responsibilities that come with these roles. School is going to take me a long time and the fact that I'd eventually like to teach means that after a Master's I will need to obtain a PhD. The thought of the years this will take, the financial commitment and the balance, or lack of balance, it will require in my life terrifies me at times. I won't be a superstar mom, student or wife. I will have moments of bliss followed by moments of chaos.

There are times when the perfectionist in me wants to turn back, to continue to dream about what could be, but not take the risk to make it happen. I could choose to stop school and focus on being an extraordinary mom and wife. I could push through school faster and leave my family in the dust, but fulfill the role of an extraordinary student. Instead, I'm choosing to accept something less than perfect in myself. Even if I can't win in all areas all the time, I want to play. I will be quite ordinary...sometimes glaringly so...along the way. But, I will play and that in itself is quite extraordinary.