You're my what??

I spent the day today as I do very often after Christmas; organizing. I tend to like everything in its place, although have relaxed quite a bit since we have three young kids in the house. I did quite well shoving gifts in corners of closets and storing Amazon.com boxes as they arrived. But, once Christmas was over and the unwrapping complete, I go into reorganize mode. So, I spent the day with a plastic bag going through the house ditching unneeded stuff, carting storage containers from the basement to the upstairs bedrooms so as to clean out closets and reorganize toy storage. My house doesn't look any cleaner at the moment, but I have my system in place going forward, so feel like I'm at a good spot.

So, following this busy tidying day, I had to laugh at my son's synopsis. After dinner, I asked my three children to pick up their toys and put them in the containers I'd shown them earlier. As I finished up the dinner dishes, my oldest son who is 6 years, hollered from upstairs asking, "Mom, why is that I'm you're slave and I have to do all the work you should be doing?"

Ahhh...if only he knew how good he's got it! ;-)

Mary's Heart

I received this poem in via e-mail this week from our local CBE chapter. (The poem was written by Madeleine L'Engle, copied from a piece of choral music for 4 female voices. Published by H.W. Gray Puablications, c/o Belwin, Inc. 1989
Music by Daniel E. Gawthrop)

Mary Speaks by Madeleine L'Engle

O you who bear the pain of the whole earth, I bore you.
O you whose tears gave human tears their worth, I laughed with you.
You, who when your hem is touched, give pow'r, I nourished you.
Who turn the day to night in this dark hour, Light comes from you.

O you who hold the world in your embrace, I carried you.
Whose arms encircled the world with your grace. I once held you.
O you who laughed and ate and walked the shore, I played with you.
And I, who with all others, you died for,
now I hold you, now I hold you, now I hold you.

May I be faithful to this final test, in this last time I hold my child, my son;
his body close enfolded to my breast:
the holder held, the bearer borne.
Mourning to joy, darkness to morn.
Open, my arms; Open, my arms; your work is done.

What a beautiful image of Mary. Her mother's heart both holding and relinquishing her son. She understands his mission, but being God's son does not make him any less her's. It does not mitigate her pain. She opens her arms are releases her son for his purpose, holding to the promised hope of his purpose.

Christian Responsibility

I just read an article on CNN about crucifixes. It appears that many religious shops in the US are selling, unawares, crucifixes made in sweat shops in China.

The owner of Singer Co., a religious goods store stated, "Whether they came out of a sweatshop, we do not know...We asked Full Start to sign off that there are no sweatshop conditions involved, and no children and that they abide by Chinese law. This is a black eye for us."

CNN quotes Bill Anderson, president and chief executive of the Christian trade association, as saying: "While we occasionally hear this issue raised, and believe there are factories in China where human rights are violated, we believe claims that products sold through CBA member stores are made in these shops are irresponsible and unfounded."

I am assuming the very best about Christian bookstores and religious goods organizations; that they would never knowingly purchase and sell goods made in sweat shops that prey on women and children. But, I also think the responses given in this article are appalling.

Just recently, Gap ran into a nasty situation in which one of their subcontractors used child labor to make dress shirts for their baby gap stores. I'm not saying I'm fond of Gap's overall policy, but at least they took the information seriously and did something about it.

I would think that as Christians, purchasing a representation of God's sacrifice for humanity, that there would be an added responsibility to be aware of where the items come from and do something about it if you found out it was different than originally thought. What a horrible possibility that a crucifix would be made in a sweat shop. It seems ignorant to respond by saying that they know it happens in China, but that the reports for their products must be unfounded. It's also naive to fall back on the fact that the contractor was asked not to use sweat shops. When something is contracted clear across the world in an area known for corruption, it just makes sense that it might impact your merchandise.

I think we have a tremendous responsibility. In reading the response of these individuals to the allegations, I'm challenged in my own response. I often turn a blind eye. I justify my decisions based on my own convenience rather than allowing myself to feel the full consequences for whoever is at the other end of my purchasing choices. I'm not going to change overnight, but I will acknowledge that the situation is real and I need to take action.

The Insightful 3-year Old

Today my daughter picked up a journal (Priscilla Papers) from Christians for Biblical Equality (CBE). The picture on the front was of a group of five people praying. The camera was angled from the ground to look up at their faces.

My daughter saw the picture and laughed, saying, "Mommy, why are they all sleeping together?" I responded saying that they weren't sleeping, they were praying. She then pointed out one of the men in the picture and asked why that man was sleeping. Then, she laughed again, saying, "He's not sleeping, he's praying, Mommy." I asked her what she thought they were praying about.

She replied, "He's praying for all the girls."

Profound.

The Lord Came Near

This has been a week where I felt the Lord came near. I did not feel God's presence in an emotional way, but a very practical way.

Wednesday was the epitome of the week. Besides it being my husbands birthday, my brother was scheduled to defend his thesis, a moment long anticipated.

While getting ready to head out the door in the morning, I received a call I've been waiting on for five and a half long months. It was at that point that one of my closest friends packed up herself and her family to take her husband down to the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, FL. They had been told that the chances of receiving a life-saving liver transplant for her husband here in Colorado was unlikely do some particulars in his disease that are different than most liver diseases and therefore not factored in to transplant priorities. At the time they moved, the average liver wait was 4-6 weeks. They assumed it would be a 2-3 month time period and then they would all move back to Colorado.

Needless to say, it didn't happen that way. Instead, they have had a difficult path to walk, including the complete removal of Roald's colon due to a high likelihood of the development of cancer. It began to feel as if this moment would never arrive. They received a call that there was a potential liver at 7:30 Wednesday morning. Roald was put through all necessary pre-op procedures, but it wasn't until 7:30 that evening that they showed up in his hospital room with the wheelchair and the news that this was it.

Roald came through surgery very well and seems to be recovering even faster than the doctors originally anticipated.

My brother passed the defense with just a few changes to make before the final.

My husband successfully marked off another year on the calendar.

I am blessed by God's continued presence.

Redemption of the Whore

OK...I couldn't help the title. You think my words are strong, try the book of Jeremiah.

I have to admit as I first started digging into Jeremiah, I struggled. There's some strong language used in regard to the people of Israel. For instance, in Jer. 2:23-25, God says,

...See how you behaved in the valley;
consider what you have done.
You are a swift she-calmel
running here and there,
a wild donkey accustomed to the desert,
sniffing the wind in her craving -
in her heat who can restrain her?
Any males that pursue her need not tire
themselves;
at mating time they will find her.

I laughed when I read this. God sure didn't mince words in this description of Israel's unfaithfulness. I also struggled when I read this. I have a hard time accepting God's anger. Although as I think about it, I can understand God's anger, but trying to reconciling the love and anger together gets me.

Yet, throughout Jeremiah, it is evident that there is this ongoing dialog of God's anger and love. In fact, almost in response to the graphic language in the above reference, chapter 31 has corresponding voice of redemption:

The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying:

I have loved you with an everlasting
love;
I have drawn you with unfailing
kindness.
I will build you up again,
and you, Virgin Israel, will be rebuilt.
Again you will take up your timbrels
and go out to dance with the joyful...

Wow. When this verse is considered in comparison with the verse above, you cannot help but see a message of restoration. In our world that loads an extra "sin factor" on sexual sin, I find it quite amazing that God has restored the "she-camel in heat" to a virgin. This is obviously a biblical theme. Hosea is a great example of that. God told Hosea to marry a prostitute. The relationship between Hosea and his wife was used to provide a mirror as to God's relationship with the children of Israel. It seems that God is pretty interested in communicating that despite the most intimate form of adultery, despite the prostituting of God's people to other gods, this God of love restores and restores with purity.

I still don't really understand the interplay of God's anger and mercy. But in these stories, I do find this intense desire for restoration on God's part. I may not understand, but I find that I can trust.

Working "Upstream" and becoming a Feminist

I found the following quote in the quarterly newsletter from the local women's shelter.

One day a woman was walking along a river and was astonished to see many women struggling in the water. She saw some people pulling the drowning women out of the river. The woman thought for moment, then she ran upstream to find out why the women were falling in the water in the first place and to do something about it." - Source Unknown

I've run into a couple blog conversations latelely, one at CBE and the other at Amateur Theology, that end up addressing, at some level, what those "upstream issues" might be.

The CBE discussion centers around a law passed last year in Spain mandating that crosswalk signs equally balance pictures of men and women. The discussion tended toward how they were to characterize the woman sign (wearing a skirt and hair up in a pony-tail). The question also came up as to the many other worthy efforts towards equality this money could have been used towards.

At Amateur Theology, a discussion on feminism garnered a comment about going too far by some in signing a card "from women and men of such and such." Geoff gave a terrific reply that addressed just what the quote above is referring to.

As I read the newsletter from the Women's Crisis and Family Outreach Center, I couldn't help but ask what can we do to change the upstream issues. Are changing street signs that important? Maybe. Is it important to sometimes change up what might be a common idiom to be purposeful in raising awareness of equality? Quite possibly. I think both of these efforts are a good start to challenging culture to change assumptions. Will either of these, by themselves, stop some of the downstream issues such as rape and abuse? Unfortunately, not anytime soon.

So, what else can we do to change ingrained stereotypes? How do we challenge a status quo in which we have accepted a certain way of viewing women and men? I have recently heard people say that they support equality for women, but turn around and say something like "But, I wouldn't want a woman as a senior pastor because she'd be much too emotional when it came to 'that time of the month.'" Or, state that a women cannot speak as well publicly because women's voices are too grating. Or, if a girl dresses a certain way, she deserves to be raped. The first two comments are concerning. The last is appalling. All these comments are from educated, caring people..and yet what they claim to support is still not implemented in practice. That these ideas are reflective of our Christian community, as well as systems within our culture, makes me incredibly sad.

I wish I had a comprehensive answer for my questions. I don't. I do know that I choose to be a person that promotes change. I've silently called myself a feminist for quite a while. For me, acknowledging this description publicly allows me to challenge the status quo. In explaining myself to others, I challenge stereotypes and assumptions. It is simply my attempt to give a voice to upstream assumptions so critical to changing reality for both men and women, made in the image of our Creator God.

How about you? What are the upstream issues that concern you and what are you doing about it? I'd love to know.

Celebration of Love

Today my husband and I celebrate nine years of marriage. To be quite honest, the last year has had some significant bumps in the midst of good times. The eight years before had their own issues as well. We are coming to understand each other as we are rather than the person we would like the other to be.

I've been reflecting on what it means to love in the context of marriage. While reading a book, Exiles, I came across a quote by Madeleine L'Engle that seems to describe love as I have come to understand it.

My love for my husband and his for me is in that unknown, underwater area of ourselves where our separations become something new and strange, merge and penetrate like the drops of water in the sea. But we do not lose our solitudes, our our particularity, and we become more than we could alone.

This is mystery. I cannot explain it. But I have learned that it makes up for our clashes, our differences in temperament, our angers, our withdrawals, our failures to understand.

No long-term marriage is made easily, and there have been times when I've been so angry or so hurt that I thought my love would never recover. And then, in the midst of near despair, something has happened beneath the surface. A bright little flashing of hope has flicked silver fins and the water is bright and suddenly I am returned to a state of love again-till next time.

I've learned that there will always be a next time, and that I will submerge in darkness, but that I won't stay submerged. And each time something has been learned under the waters; something has been gained; and a new kind of love has grown. The best I can ask for is that this love, which has been built on countless failures, will continue to grow. I can say no more than that this is mystery, and gift, and that somehow or other, through grace, our failures can be redeemed and be blessed.

Today we celebrate the blessing that comes with nine years of joys and failures, of fulfillment and disappointment, of unity and of seemingly uncompromising division. We celebrate the bravery in continuing to travel together. In that place we find the mystery, we find love, we find each other.

Happy Anniversary, Eddie. I love you.

UnChristian Meme

I've been tagged by Happy on a new meme going around. (You can find out more about meme's in general and this on in particular at her site).

This meme is based on a book unChristian: What a New Generation Really Thinks about Christianity...and Why It Matters.

The tasks for the meme are to note three negative stereotypes of Christians and then one thing for which Christians should be known for.

Negative Stereotypes

Christians don't care for the poor. (Notice I didn't say that they don't "think about"). I have found that Christians are better at talking about and giving money to the poor or those we consider in need in any variety of ways much more than we are willing to get involved in actual lives and care for these same people. I say "we" because I find a fair amount of fault in myself on this one.

Christians are not willing to engage in thoughtful intellectual discussion. I find this one especially the case in "hot topic" areas. It is much easier to slam the door on the discussion than to engage and think and reason through. My thought is that this has a lot to do with fear.

Christians' primary concerns are fighting abortion and homosexuality. These are both hot-button areas and as such tend to get a lot of attention from media. I think the perception can easily be these are the issues for Christians.

What Christians should be known for

The bringing about of God's shalom, God's amazing peace and wholeness, to all of creation.

I'm captivated by what shalom means in the Bible and what that should then mean to followers of Christ today. What would life be if we viewed ourselves as God's peace-makers, as creators of wholeness and rightness within our world. Not in the sense of conquering and teaching right ways to others, but in serving?

Now, I tag:

Katie
Brad
Pastor Jim

A Stranger Becomes a Friend

I had to take my 3 year old daughter to the hospital for blood work and and x-rays associated with a sprained knee today. She's been limping for a week, so we figured it was time to make sure it wasn't something serious. She did great, especially since we ended up spending over three hours just waiting. We also received a good report, no inflammation and no break. Hurray!

While we were there, though, we met an amazing lady. "Miss Betty" came over to say hello after Elianna started grinning in her direction. Betty is probably in her early 70s. I was nervous when she came over. I don't feel like I measure up to the moms of my grandma's generation. I had nothing to fear, though. She was an absolutely lovely lady. When, in embarrassment, I mentioned that the blanket needed washed, she graciously replied that blankets aren't nearly as special when they're clean. As we continued our conversation, she shared that she worked for 17 years with the City of Denver as an advocate for women filing lawsuits associated with workplace discrimination. At the time, she needed to work as her husband was unable to support the family. She told me that she prayed that if she needed to work, she wanted to do something she was passionate about. She obviously found just that. Betty told me about what an amazing time it was working in that office; of the successes and the difficulty in some of the cases that didn't go so well.

We continued talking for a while. A stranger became a friend, if only for a few minutes in a hospital waiting room.

A Woman of Egypt

I just finished reading an autobiography by Jehan Sadat, A Woman of Egypt. The book is the story both of her and her husband, Muhammed Anwar el-Sadat, President of Egypt from 1970 to his assassination in 1981.

It was a very interesting book. Both members of this couple have been heralded for being "ahead of their times." President Sadat began to seek peace with Israel on November 9, 1977. It was this day that Sadat offered to go to Jerusalem. The offer, an acknowledgment that Israel existed, was the beginning of the road to peace, one still unfinished. It was also the point at which ties with Egypt and other Arab states became strained. Ultimately the fundamentalist response to peace with Israel, added to other policies put in place by Sadat, culminated in his assassination in 1981.

Sadat was part of the revolution of 1952 in Egypt. He and the Free Officers peacefully overthrew the Egyption government under King Farouk. As Jehan reports in the book, it was at this point and in the coming months, that Egypt gained its independence for the first time since 522 B.C. when the Persians invaded. It was an amazing time for Egypt.

While the politics of Egypt, including those of her husband, guided much of the story of the book, Jehan Sadat has a quite a story herself. She was born in 1933 to an Egyptian father and British mother. She grew up in what would be considered middle class Egyptian society. As she grew, she developed two great loves. The first was for her faith, Islam. The second was her country.

It is these two loves the influence Jehan Sadat as her story unfolds. With a husband exhibiting similar passions, she is wholly supportive of her husband. She also develops her own areas of influence in the care of the needy and the rights of women. She feels strongly that both these areas are spoken of in the Quran and are essential for Islam.

Jehan saw first-hand the effect of the subjection of women in the rural villages of Egypt. The laws allowing the men to easily divorce their wives, along with the allowance of multiple wives, created an environment for women that was difficult at best. In order to assist women in supporting themselves, she founded the Talla Cooperative. Here women were trained to sew to support their families as well as to support one another. Jehan also established Madinat el-Wafa' wal Amal - The City of Faith and Hope. Originally established as a training center for the rehabilitation of soldiers wounded in fighting, its vision expanded to include special housing, office buildings, a hospital and a school for handicapped children. Jehan raised funds from around the world for this project. Even the United States contributed 6 Million Egyptian pounds after Jehan informed Henry Kissinger, Secretary of State at the time, that it was the American's support of Israel in the war of 1973 that wounded so many of the Egyptian forces.

It was the chapter on "Women in Islam" that most captured my thoughts. To her, the difference between moderate and fundamentalist Muslims is linked primarily to interpretation of the Quran. Jehan believes that the the inception of Islam was revolutionary towards women. The Quran forbade killing infant girls, gave women the right to equal education, to work and open their own businesses and the right to initiate legal action and buy and sell property. She evens states that limiting a man to 4 wives was a significant improvement for the point of time in which the Quran was written.

These beliefs led Jehan to fight for reformed Status Laws, laws the govern how family life happens. These reformed laws required men to notify their current wife if they were to marry another woman, required men to pay alimony and to leave the family home with the wife and children if they were to divorce her. It also provided an easier process for women to divorce their husbands, a process that was next to impossible without this change.

Islam fundamentalists felt that the changes in the Personal Status Laws was an attack on the family, the heart of Egyptian society. Sound familiar? Let me be clear, I think the fight for women's equality in the US is a whole different scenario than the same fight in the Middle East. Sadat does not speak at all about honor killings and only briefly about genital mutilation. What submission means in the US, for the most part, is wholly different than what it means in most Arab countries. I do think that it's interesting that those who interpret the Quran most conservatively have similar arguments for the subjection of women as do those who interpret the Bible most conservatively. Jehan Sadat interprets the Quran as liberating and uses this view to meet the needs of the least in society; the poor, women, children, the wounded. The fundamentalists, taking a conservative view of their religious text, worry about the letter of the law and in the process miss meeting the real needs of the people around them.

The question I can't help but ask myself is this, "When fighting for our beliefs becomes more important than loving people around us, do those beliefs mean anything at all?"

Funny Bumper Sticker

I've been doing a lot of driving lately with 1st grade for my oldest and preschool for my middle kiddos. Thursdays are by far my most tedious driving days.

Some other minivan driver made all the driving much more bearable today. The van was plastered with numerous bumper stickers (just imagine the entire back-side of the van full). The one that made me laugh out loud said the following:

WHEN THE RAPTURE HAPPENS
CAN I HAVE YOUR CAR?

Not quite sure why it was so amusing, but I laughed for about 20 minutes straight!

Prayer Poem

There's a synchroblog going on about prayer. A lot of the the posts are listed at the Emerging Women site.

I've struggled personally with prayer lately. Well, let me take that back...I've struggled with prayer for a long time. I grew up in a church where great prayers were prayed. Praying in tongues was preferred. If you were a good person, your prayers would result in Porsches, Jaguars, a big house and an affluent American lifestyle. (Too bad for my husband we don't still ascribe to that system...it would be a great excuse to go out today and finance a Porsche)!

When we left that church, I began questioning prayer. I began questioning how I use prayer.

More recently, when I try to talk to God, I hear voices. The voices tell that it's never long enough, I should do more, I should be more, I don't measure up to the lists of "right" and "wrong." Worst of all I cannot turn from the reality that my prayers don't seem to make much difference in my day to day choices. I still really stink at being a "good Christian."

In trying to express my struggle with prayer, I wrote the following poem. (Note: creative writing has never been my strength, but I've found some things are expressed so much better this way):

Prayer.
My hand reaching out
to touch Divine.
A soul entwined with breath, with hope, with life.

My spirit longs for this fulfillment,
then shies away.
What if I reach for God
and find not love, but proposition?
My fingers caress those of Creator and
acceptance fades away as an empty promise?
What if the life of freedom promised
becomes a cage, inextricable, inescapable?

I step back, frightened to
move forward.
A warm hand enfolds mine.

Freedom, love, peace touch me.

A Potter's Consideration

At the beginning of Jeremiah 18, there is a story of the prophet being instructed by God to "go down to the potter's house." While there, Jeremiah sees the potter working at the wheel. The pot in his hands is marred, so the potter reshaped it into a form that was suitable in his eyes.

At that point, the word of the Lord comes to Jeremiah, "Can I not do with you, house of Israel, as this potter does?" God proceeds to tell the prophet that if he announces that a nation is to be destroyed, but the people clean up their act, then he will relent in the prescribed punishment. Likewise, if he has promised to bless a nation, but they do evil in his sight, then he will "reconsider the good I had intended to do for it."

Reading this section impressed upon me the responsiveness of God to humanity. The thought that my actions influence the Almighty is overwhelming to consider.

Our Pastor has made a commitment to seek God throughout the next 40 days. He's asked those of us that are willing to join him during this time. I am joining. Realizing the scripture above is directly addressing the nation of Israel, I have taken it on as my prayer for the next 40 days. I believe that as I personally seek God, that God will consider me. Also, as our church seeks God, God will consider us.

Girl Friends and Good Conversation

I had a lot of fun tonight. Four friends and I met to discuss the book Colossians Remixed: Subverting the Empire. We had some great discussion, wonderful friendship building and an overall terrific evening.

CBE Recap

I had the awesome opportunity to attend the Christians for Biblical Equality (CBE) International Conference this weekend. This year the conference venue was here in Denver. I couldn't let them visit my city without attending!

I had several take-aways from the weekend.

The first was gratefulness for friendships. I met up with a group of ladies there, one of whom I met at the Emerging Women's Gathering outside Chicago this last March. Sara is a terrific person (and a wonderful advertisement for Bethel Seminary, by the way). She is also a brilliant woman who wrote and presented a paper on Job Daughter's that is quite challenging. Her friends, Teralyn and Liz were just as wonderful. I had a terrific time renewing a friendship and beginning more. Who knows when we might meet again!

I also had the opportunity to bask in the work of people who have given their lives toward the cause of gender justice. I met Alvera Mickelson. She described herself as a spritely 88 years. She reminded me so much of my own grandmother, and yet my Grandma does not have a view anywhere near Alvera's. Alvera was also quite a firecracker and a whole lot of fun to have in workshop sessions. For those of you unaware of Alvera Mickelson's work, just type in her name at amazon.com.

The conference, not surprisingly, was weighted heavier on women than men. But there was a pretty good representation of men. There was also reasonable representation of minority groups. It was definitely a conference-style, but they went out of their way to try to bring in different elements in the form of art and music. I also liked that besides focusing on gender equality, the theme of the conference was "Seeking Justice and Loving Mercy" and touched on other areas of justice as well.

I think my favorite speaker was Kevin G. Giles. His presentation on "The Eternal Subordination of the Son and the Permanent Subordination of Women" addressed a topic that often comes up in conversation in my realm of the world, at least when it comes to women's place in the home and the church. He had a powerful presentation and answered many of my own questions. And besides that, he was not politically correct about the current proposal submitted by Wayne Gruden concerning the eternal subordination of the Son. It was both an informative and fun workshop session.

Overall, my biggest take-away was history. I looked around the room and saw many, many people in the over-60 crowd. A large portion of these were the founders of CBE and fought for gender justice at a time when it was much more controversial than it is for me today. I am so blessed by the heritage they have left for me and others like me. Thank you to the many who have fought, who have considered the voices of women valuable and worth defending. Their vision and passion make me realize that I cannot let their vision die.

First Flight

Earlier this summer I posted a picture of our Robin's nest. Well, back in early July, the nest took on a new tenant. A Morning Dove family decided the vacant home would work just fine for their new family. When my children and I did a bit of research on the Morning Dove, we found that they are not known for making good nests. We thought it was particularly interesting that rather than making their own poorly made nest, they would wisely use such a well-made abode!

Well, the baby of the family flew the nest this morning and we were there to watch it! The little one started flapping its wings and then pacing the brick ledge on which the nest is built. Unlike the Robins we've had in the past, the Morning Doves are very calm and I was able to get quite a few pictures without effecting their behavior. After I went back in, we watched the little bird fly from the ledge to the window sill right in front of us. The kids were in awe...as was I. Then, the baby joined her old brother on our sidewalk. Momma came around shortly to have a party, complete with a juicy worm to celebrate the day's accomplishment.

The feeding looked like all three birds were dancing together. They all faced into a circle. Then they crouched down with their beaks to the ground and quickly raised their heads together and then back down again. In the midst of this the momma would stick her thin beak down that of one of the babies. Absolutely fascinating!

What an amazing privilege to watch this fleeting moment with my children!

Haunted Hearts

A couple months ago Eddie and I watched the movie, "Blood Diamond". Shortly after that, I came upon the website www.eyesondarfur.org and found out about a similar bloodshed happening in this area of Sudan.

This last week I read more about the crisis in Darfur in Michael Frost's book "Exiles: Living Missionally in a Post-Christian Culture.". In it, he specifies that the ethnic conflict in Darfur should be particularly compelling to Christ followers. Besides the overall desire for justice that should be part of following Jesus, this horrendous conflict is a result of ethnic fighting between Muslims and Christians. The goal of much of this fighting is the elimination of Christians from the oil-rich southern area of Sudan. The war, the conflict, whatever this bloody mess is has killed over 200,000, displaced over 2 million Sudanese and 230,000 displaced from Darfur into Chad as well as 110,000 displaced Chadians. The numbers go on and the numbers are overwhelming. But then I really get overwhelmed. Much of the warfare is against civilians. Women are raped and brutalized, children are killed in front of their parents, food and water supplies are being targeted and families are left with just enough provisions to starve to death...slowly.

So, then, what do we do? Honestly, my first response is to dive into despair. How can I impact people a world away. How can I continue living in my middle-class white suburban home, buying groceries at the local grocery store and buying my kids back-to-school clothes? How can I celebrate my children's birthdays, lavishing them with gifts and eating cake with much too much sugar in it. How can I continue?

Then, last night I read an article by Lynn Hybels from Mutuality magazine. In it she talks about playing with her 4-month old grandson. In the midst of their play time, she remembers Grandmothers in Africa who cannot play with their grandchildren because they are so busy collecting firewood or trying to provide a living for these young children orphaned by the AIDS crisis in that country.

As she progresses in the article, she addresses despair at the hurt rampant in the world. She says, "There are two antidotes to despair. One is denial. Pretending you didn't see that pictures. Didn't here those screams. Didn't read that story. Or maybe you acknowledge the horror of what you saw or heard or read, but you pretend it's not your responsibility. There's nothing you can do. What difference can one person make? And where would you start anyway? Denial works. But it shrinks your heart. It makes you a little less human. It puts distance between you and God. The other antidote to despair is action - doing something, anything, to address the need."

I cannot change the world, but I can start making changes in my life. I can take action for those hurting. I can change my habits and thought patterns to be more attuned to and ready to act on the needs around me.

Lynne Hybels says toward the end of her article something that made sense to me. She said, "I long for you - and me - to celebrate every day the joys of new babies and stuffed animals and swim meet victories and family love. But I also long for us to let our celebrations be a bit haunted by the desperate needs of our sisters and brothers around the world."

I long for a haunted heart.

Vacation

We had a quick little vacation over the weekend. We took the kids camping for the first time. Eddie and I both grew up camping, but I had little desire to take crawling children camping, so we have been out of the camping picture for the last six years. We had a great time. The kids had a ball exploring, digging in the dirt, eating s'mores and just being kids. Eddie and I realized this is a lot of work with kids!


Elianna with a cheeky grin


Aaron & Nate on our hike up the Elk trail at Golden Gate State Park


Very cool tree we saw on our hike


Wild flowers on the hike


This was a really cool sanctuary created next to our tent area.

What Does it Take to Change?

A friend of mine challenged me today as to whether the knowledge of the love of Christ actually changes the behavior of individuals.

As I've been dwelling on this question, I couldn't help but think of a poem I recently read recently in a terrific book, Exiles: Living Missionally in a Post-Christian Culture by Michael Frost (co-author of The Shaping of Things to Come, also an excellent book.)

The poem is a call to reckless courage; to stand up against the injustice inherent in our world. (The poem can be found on pages 20 & 21 of the book)

What is, therefore, the task of the preacher (or church) today?
Shall I answer: "Faith, hope and love"?
That sounds beautiful.
But I would say - Courage.
No, even that is not challenging enough to be the whole truth.
Our task today is recklessness.
For what we Christians lack is not psychology or literature,
we lack a holy rage.

The recklessness that comes from the knowledge of God and humanity.
The ability to rage when justice lies prostrate on the street...
and when the lie rages across the face of the earth -
a holy anger about things that are wrong in the world.
To rage against the ravaging of God's earth,
and the destruction of God's world.
To rage when little children must die of hunger,
when the tables of the rich are sagging with food.
To rage at the senseless killing of so many,
and against the madness of militaries.
To rage at the lie that calls the threat of death and the strategy of
destruction - Peace.
To rage against complacency.
To restlessly seek that recklessness that will challenge and seek to change
human history until it conforms with the norms of the Kingdom of
God.
And remember the signs of the Christian Church have always been -
The Lion, the Lamb, the Dove and the Fish...
but never the chameleon.

This poem inspires me, but the real test of inspiration is change. Does it arouse me enough to transform my behavior?

I've read a lot of stuff lately that has challenged me and poked holes in ideas and philosophies I've always held to. I'm inspired to change and yet the fact is that my behavior today is not significantly different than it was this time last year...or the year before. I feel like I approach the line of change, touch it with the tip of my toe, and then move back again, frightened of moving outside what I know. I become anxious when I consider change. My natural self pushes back when my lifestyle feels as if it is being squished or pulled into a new shape, a new form.

What must I do to take those necessary steps...to become reckless? Here are a couple thoughts that come to my mind:

1. I have to understand the recklessness of Christ's love for me. The radical nature of his sacrifice and the work of God through history to reconcile relationships between humanity and God is both overwhelming and challenging in its scope. There's no way when you spend time considering that type of love that you cannot also recognize that it calls for a change in you. That doesn't necessarily make the change easier, but it certainly makes it more difficult to ignore.
2. I have to make a commitment and share it with someone who will hold me accountable. I've learned I can talk big, but the fact is if I don't follow these steps, my words are full of emptiness.
3. I have to honor and celebrate the small steps. I find it easy to discount the small changes because I have not yet attained the end goal. But even the smallest of changes alter my overall trajectory. In the book, "Exiles", Frost talks about what he calls "New Realists". These folks understand that much of their lives appear as a hypocrisy, but they also recognize that awareness and ongoing change is the goal.

Today I recognize some small changes. I'm volunteering at a booth for the local Women's Crisis Center in a few weeks. I started making my own bread a couple weeks ago so that I could afford organic bread. My children and I are talking about what it means to serve Jesus. I'm paying attention to where the clothing I am purchasing is made. These are small steps. They are not changing the world. But they are steps I need to make and I celebrate them and thank God for moving in my heart to coax me out of a place of comfort into these steps on the journey.

Pouting Girl

We purchased a slip and slide for the kids this weekend. Our oldest was all over it and apparently aquainted with the joys of sliding through cold water on a hot day. Our younger two took a while longer to "warm up" to the idea.

At some point during our backyard outing, our daughter was told "no" for something...I really can't remember what. Here's her response. She makes me laugh. You can tell by the sparkle in her eyes that the pouting is a bit fun for her.

Living Water

I've started reading through the book of Jeremiah. I generally haven't been an Old Testament kind of girl, but my interested was peaked not so long ago when I met with Helene Dallaire, Associate Professor of Old Testament at Denver Seminary.

Since speaking with her, I've been pondering the literature of the Old Testament and the story that unfolds amongst the Hebrew people. I'm considering studing Old Testament...whenever I actually start an MDiv or Masters in Biblical Studies.

As I was reading the second chapter of Jeremiah this morning, I couldn't help but feel as if Jeremiah's words to the Israelites were spoken to my heart as well. I particularly like verse 13, which says,

"My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me,
the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns,
broken cisterns that cannot hold water."

In this first part of Jeremiah, the prophet is sharing God's thoughts to the Israelites regarding their behavior, primarily the fact that rather than trusting the living God who has brought them powerfully out of Egypt, they continue to choose other gods, gods described as worthless.

As I read this verse, I had to ask the age-old question, "Why?" Why, when a living, powerful God has been evident in the life of a community or an individual, does the heart so easily turn back to trusting something false and worthless? Why do we exchange the glory of God for the nakedness of self-reliance or the temporary feeling of control?

I think the question boils down to the fact that trusting God in the midst of real-life circumstances moves from a theoretical exercise to one of stark reality. Reality can be hurtful, painful and feel very much outside our control. Our human tendency is to panic, to grasp for that control. The immediate response is to move away from a cosmic, supernatural God to one that we can more easily (at least in our very human perception) control.

In the verse above, God is saying to his people, through Jeremiah, that they have committed two sins. They have turned away from their source and then attempted to dig their own well. They want to provide for themselves. But, by attempting to provide for themselves, they bask in their own brokenness. They drink from damaged, leaky containers.

Of course, when I read this verse, I immediately thought of Jesus' encounter with the Samaritan woman. John 4 tells the story of Jesus asking this woman, a reviled Samaritan, for a drink from her cup. She responds with a question, why would Jesus, a Jew, drink from her cup, tainted as it was from her religious, cultural background. Jesus responds by saying that if she knew who she was talking to, she would ask him and he would give living water. Their reparte continues for a few verses until Jesus says, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but those who drink the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life." (TNIV)

The question, I think, is one of Lordship. When I try to dig my well, to control and provide for myself, I will have water, but from a leaky container. It will take work and my thirst will not be met, the water will be stale. When I take my hands off and choose to allow God to work in my life, there is the promise of a spring of living water. There is a richness of refreshing in this image. Cool, fresh, clear water. Water that "wells" up. It can't be stopped by holding your hand over it. It will gush. Theoretically, I think of an ideal life. Practically, I know this stream will look different. There is no promise of an ideal life. There is this promise of living water. No longer am I drinking from that damaged container, but there is welling up inside me water to meet my thirst.

I don't have three steps to how this works or what it looks like in practice. I do offer this prayer, "Lord, teach us to drink from your living water, from your wholeness rather than our own brokenness."

Pool Day

We spent the afternoon at the pool with friends today. I can tell my little family is growing.

My oldest swam his little heart out...all by himself. He's very cautious, but is getting more and more comfortable with his skills. It's so fun to watch him.

My middle kiddo had the help of a life vest. The boy is really a fish with lungs. From his first step into the pool, he grins (not smiles, mind you). It took him about 10 minutes to figure out how to swim with the vest on. From then on, he'd jump in, pop up with a sparkle in his eyes and a bit of pool snot running down onto his grinning lips. He'd swim to the side and do it all over.

My littlest floated around the pool like the queen of sheba in her floaty. About half way through she decided she wanted to play with the boys. She's so independent. I had to keep my eye on her like hawk because she wanted nothing to do with mama's helping.

I had a really great time with my kids. I love days like today.

Heavy Heart

Sometimes life just really stinks...at least within our very human point of view. Now is one of those times in my life. Unfortunately, it's also that way in the lives of many I love.

Almost three weeks ago I spent several hours with my brother. My sister-in-law and I tried every method we could to convince him to ride home with us. The weather for the evening was perfect. Rain was coming down thick and heavy and it was cold. I shivered in the back seat. Maybe that didn't have to do with the weather, though.

I have never experienced anything quite like that night. In my brother's cycle of addiction, I'd always managed to have some excuse for him. Either the situation was really tough, his pain level was high, he didn't feel appreciated, etc, etc. In the midst of this, I knew he needed to make the right decisions, but I think I also glossed over much of the cycle as I didn't get it...or didn't want to.

This night was different, though. I experienced the crisis with my brother and sister-in-law rather than hearing about it later.

I had prayed with my brother earlier in the evening. I knew he was struggling, but didn't realize the degree. I wish he would have told me. I wish he would have allowed me to help...

I wish he would have allowed one of us to drive him home. We gave him the keys, thinking that by then he was sober enough to drive. My sister-in-law drove up on the accident. She called sobbing. She was afraid he was gone, forever. He made it through the accident with just a few scrapes. The consequences go much deeper than the scratches on his face, though.

I love my brother. He is my friend. We've spent hours at a time talking theology and church practice. We've encouraged each other, prayed for each other, shared our dreams and grown together. I see so much potential in my brother. He has an amazing vision and is one of the most intelligent people I've ever met. He is an alcoholic, but that is by far not who he really is. It's just so difficult to see through the effects of the addiction. It feels like he's in a cage and we can't get to him. We can't pull him out.

I want to pull him out. If I could figure out a way, I would. I know that this is his battle to fight, though. I don't know how to help, or even if I can. I wish this next bit were going to be easy. My prayer is for each one of us, and specifically for my brother, that God's hand is on us, guiding us and providing his wisdom in each step we take as well as each step we don't take.

Aaron Appleseed

My parent's are moving out to Denver in less than a month (hurray)! They are moving from a house built in 1972 which has full-grown apple trees just outside the back door. Every time we go visit them, the kids enjoy watching the birds that congregate around the trees. And of course, picking apples off the trees in Fall is a favorite. The house they are moving to is only 5 years old and is lacking anything near these mature trees and the habitat they've provided for the local birds.

For the last month or so my oldest son, Aaron, who just turned 6 last Saturday, has been collecting all the seeds from his apples and putting them in a little piece of pottery he made at school this year.

Earlier this week, I overheard him talking to a friend and share that he has been collecting the seeds so that Nana & Papa can plant apple trees at the new house because he knows they'll miss home with their apple trees and birds.

Now, isn't that incredibly thoughtful?

God's Clothes

Our baby Robins started flapping their wings today, meaning they should be out of their nest in the next week or so. I shot this photo this afternoon, but the birds shied away quickly so I missed the flutter-practice.

Matthew 6:25-34 continues to capture my imagination.

This week I was reading Slaves, Women and Homosexuals by William J. Webb. In it, he exlpores what is called a "redemptive-trend" hermeneutic. As he looks at the creation and fall stories, he examines the clothing of Adam and Eve after the fall.

Genesis 3:21 states, "The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them." This description directly follows the curse. Per Webb, the clothing passage is not part of the curse, but rather the first sign of God's mercy toward humankind. God killed one of his own creation, that which he called "good", in order to cover the shame of Adam and Eve and begin drawing them back into relationship with him. Wow! I've always seen this as an afterthought almost...done primarily because they were embarrassed. The gravity of the situation and the starkness of God's gracious act toward Adam and Eve didn't quite sink in. The precedent for the sacrifical system was set by God.

As I thought about God clothing Adam and Eve in this way, my mind went back to the section in Matthew 6 where Jesus tells his disciples that if the flowers and grasses are clothed more beautifully than Solomon, then surely they can trust God to clothe them.

What does it mean to be clothed by God? That's a question I can't quite get my mind around.

Thoughts On Sphere Sovereignty

Last week we watched video 9 of the Truth Project. I’ve been mulling it over ever since. The “tour”, as each session is called in the series, addressed “the state”. In the course of the video, Dr. Tackett covered God’s design for the state, both its designed role and its responsibility in relationship with other areas of life (called spheres) such as church and family.

The strength of this particular tour is the emphasis that as followers of Christ, we are not to allow the state to become our king and our provider. God is that to us. Although not explicitly stated in the video, I also gleaned out of this week’s presentation that neither should we depend on the state to take care of that which God has called us to; caring for the poor, the widows and the orphans…the least of these.

The greatest weakness of this tour was the discussion of “sphere sovereignty.” This term was coined Abraham Kuyper, a Dutch theologian and statesman in the late 19th century. It was later further developed by Herman Dooyeweerd, among others. To state it very broadly and with only a couple hours of research under my belt, the idea was that God created the world with spheres and each holds its own inherent value and law that is sovereign to itself. Primary examples of these spheres are the state, church and family, but can also include arts, science, and education among others. (There is a lot of interesting material on sphere sovereignty. I recommend googling it and doing some reading on the subject if you’re at all interested).

At one point, Dr. Tackett states that there’s something the old western movies got right. He provides the illustration of a posse chasing someone who then runs into the local church. The posse does not breech the doors of the church as that is considered “God’s territory”, not the state’s. This is provided as a terrific example of appropriate sphere sovereignty. This is a very inadequate and, I would posit, incorrect understanding of sphere sovereignty. What the video failed to capture was that by harboring a criminal (assuming that the posse was actually chasing a “bad” guy”), the church was breaching the sovereignty appropriate to the state (term used loosely as “state” in that environment is much different than it is defined today).

One primary claim of the more conservative proponents of sphere sovereignty is that by funding education and/or healthcare, the state is overstepping the responsibility God gave this particular sphere. They state that this responsibility should rightly fall to the church or the family. Sounds like it makes sense, doesn’t it? But, then my mind is flooded with exceptions. The first that comes to mind is the recent problems of sexual abuse within the Catholic church. The church attempted to handle this within its own sphere, to the detriment of the children entrusted to this institution. I also think of the inner cities, which, if left to their own, lack the appropriate resources to provide education to their children, which is easily obtained by those in the wealthier suburbs. The question boils down to how we implement biblical principles with life in a consumer-driven, industrial, capitalist, modern/post-modern environment. It’s not as easy as saying, “Stay off my turf.”

My basic point is this, sphere sovereignty, as presented by the Truth Project, is problematic and not a great basis for a fully formed and informed Christian worldview.

To follow that up, I think it is imperative that each of us, both individually and collectively, should consider what our responsibility as Christian social agents should be in light of the various spheres in which we reside. Rather than pointing fingers at what other spheres should not be doing, I believe it would behoove us to ensure that we are fulfilling Jesus’ call to love God with all our heart, mind, soul and strength and to love others as ourselves.

Some People are Weird

I had to take my three kids to the post office yesterday (which I try to avoid at all costs).

On the way out of the store, an older man (notice, I left off "gentle") asked, "So you're catholic." Astonished, I just answered, "No." So, he asks, "Mormon?" Again, with a bewildered and somewhat annoyed look on my face, I said, "No." To which he replied, "Oh...you must like to have fun."

At this point, the three other people in the room, all business men, turned around in astonishment as well. Flabergasted and quite at a loss for how to respond, I quite kindly told the man that it would be in his best interest to mind his own business on these matters. He was quite offended at me.

Some people are quite odd.

The Birds of the Air

The kids are all down for naps this afternoon. We had a busy day yesterday and I know they're exhuasted, as am I.

I'm sipping a cup of coffee and looking out the window at our robin cozied up in her nest. Last year this robin made her nest at the roofline straight out our front door. She spent about a week gathering leaves, branches and such making a soft little bed for her and her babies. We can see directly down into the nest from my sons' bedroom window. We saw the three blue, speckled eggs, the wide-open hungry mouths of the baby birds, demanding food from mommy. They grew fat and fluffy until one day they stood on the edge of the nest, tentatively beat their wings and then flew away. We did not see them again...

Until about three weeks ago. The momma came back. She rebuilt the nest that sagged on the eaves from the heavy winter snow. She nestled herself into it, making sure of the right fit. And now she's waiting for her babies to grow big enough inside the eggs to make their appearance into the world.

As I watch her, I think of the scripture in Matthew, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" (Matt. 6:25-26 TNIV)

What is it to not worry in this context? I've always assumed it meant just to not worry, that God can take care of me, so I should trust him. It seems that reading it in context the "worry" here could also serve a broader category. In Matthew 5, we have the Sermon on the Mount, the Beattitudes and the beginning of almost three chapters of instruction and teaching by Jesus. He teaches on the fulfillment of the law, addresses murder and adultery of the heart, he chastises the Pharisees for their outward dilligence to the law without the right inward attitude.

Knowing that Jesus has just taught that the law has been fulfilled and begins to subvert the Law, as understood by the Pharisees, with a law of the heart in Jesus, what does trusting God look like? Just a few verses later, Jesus says, " Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; those who seek find; and to those who knock, the door will be opened. Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." (Matt 7:7-12, TNIV)

I think it all goes back to the state of our heart. I think Jesus is challenging those he is teaching to move past all the externals by which people measure successful faith and adherence to law. A changed life will not be found there. This "faith thing" is not a part-time hobby nor is it based on actions we perform. It's about the barest, most naked and ashamed parts of me opened to the One who provides change and hope and love. "Do not worry," God says, "If I care for this little robin, will I not care for you, the one whom I've made in my image, in my likeness, the one I formed in her mother's womb and laid out her days before her?"

God, as you care for this robin who finds a safe place in the eaves of our home, I ask you to work in my heart to trust you to care for me as well.

Who Decides?

Recently, I was talking with a friend about Biblical inerrancy, inspiration and authority. We talked about literary genres and cultural contexts and how understanding those dynamics within and around the text makes a difference in how we then interpret and apply a text.

My friend then asked me the critical quesiton, "Who Decides?" For instance, is it possible to claim that the Genesis narrative is in line with local creation narratives from the middle east and doesn't necessary indicate a literal 7 24 hour day creation story and then claim that Jesus' story was entirely real? Is it possible to understand some texts as metaphorical and others as literal? If so, who decides?

That's pretty much a million dollar question within the Evangelical community. I've just started reading a book called Slaves, Women and Homosexuals: Exploring the Hermeneutics of Cultural Analysis which attempts to answer at least part of this question. The author, William Web, begins by listing various scriptures (2 pages worth) and then asking the readers to mark each one as either cultural or transcultural (for all time). He then asks the question, "Why do some biblical instructions have ongoing significance and force in their entirety, while the continued application of others is limited in some manner? How do I determine which components of the biblical text should apply today and which should not?

Webb later makes the comment, "It is necessary for Christians to challenge their culture where it departs from kingdom values; it is equally necessary for them to identify with their culture on all other matters." The book, from my understanding, then goes on to examine the "issues" of slaves, women and homosexuals in light of this statement. He argues for what he calls the redemptive-movement hermeneutic, an approach that looks at commandments and pracitical living out of the old and new covenants, considers them in their cultural context and attempts to understand a possible trajectory that God is working out throughout history. It seems like an interesting and innovative approach, one that will at least begin to answer the question, "Who decides?" and does so with the underlying assumption that the Bible is God's revelation of himself to us.

This whole idea of Biblical inspiration is fascinating. What an incredible thought Paul has in 1 Timothy 3:16, All scripture is God-breathed.... Simply amazing.

Thankfulness in Blessings

A good friend of mine, who happens to be a real estate agent, recently commented to me that she is struggling to see the blessings God is giving her in her business as just that, blessings.

I knew immediately what she was talking about. The fact is that increased business is an answer to prayer for her as she meets the needs of her family. Rather than thanking God for meeting this need, she is stressed out trying to balance life in the midst of this blessing.

I know what she's talking about because I do this myself. I ask God for something, God gives it to me and I complain about the results, meanwhile failing to recognize or rejoice in the blessing provided by God. As I considered my own response, my mind went back to a scripture memorized long, long ago:

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:4-7 TNIV

I've heard this exhortation to the Philippian believers used often to talk about rejoicing in hard times. It seems as if it even goes beyond that, though. Just take a look at the language chosen by the author: Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS; Let your gentleness be evident to ALL; Do not be anxious for ANYTHING; in EVERY situation...present your request; God's peace which transcends ALL understanding...

This choice of words does not separate out good from bad. All means just that...all, every, always...nothing is excluded. All isn't a formula to check off. It's everything and all the time. It's also difficult for me to comprehend.

The author also emphasizes the first exhortation, Rejoice in the Lord...always. Emphasis is indicative of the fact that this is important. For me, practicing the art, or maybe spiritual discipline, of rejoicing in the Lord is critical to my outlook on life.

There's so much more to these verses, but for me tonight I take two things away:

- In the midst of life, all of it, I can turn my eyes to a God that is plenty big enough for my circumstances, and "is near."
- I need to work on (with God's help) practicing rejoicing and thanksgiving, in all situations.

Stepping Stones

Our church is showing the Truth Project video series, sponsored by Focus on the Famiy. The videos are fairly well done. There are some things I don't agree with, or agree with the way in which it is presented, but it has been a challenging series for me as I watch, process and discuss the information within the group I'm part of for this series.

Last night's video was about history. Del Tackett, the speaker for the series, basically states that history has been or is being revamped by historical revisionists, who leave God out of the picture, or distort true history in order to prove a point. I thought it was pretty interesting, although I would add that often we as Christians do some historical distortion ourselves. I think that's part of history...the attempt to understand that history and then apply it within one's life.

Anyway, at the end of the video, Dr. Tacket quotes William Bradford, leader of the Pilgrims of the Plymouth colony. The quote states, "Last and not least, they (the Pilgrims) cherished a great hope and inward zeal of laying good foundations, or at least of making some way towards it, for the propogation and advance of the gospel of the kingdom of Christ in the remote parts of the world, even though they should be but stepping stones to others in the performance of so great a work."

Our discussion group had a terrific time mulling over this quote. The idea of my life being a "stepping stone" is so contrary to the individualist nature that permeates our culture today. We tend to see ourselves as islands, making our own destiny. Or maybe a moutain peak, resting on the shoulders of those who have gone before..but failing to recognize those who will come after.

There's amazing wisdom in acknowledging those who have gone before and those who will come after and humbly accepting a vision of being a "stepping stone" in history. Success, when defined in a vacuum, is personal and exclusive. It's about financial success, being "in the know" and very much individualistic in nature. Success, when viewed within history and a community of faith is much different. Financial success is balanced out against how the poor are cared for. Being "in the know" is balanced with love that acts upon knowledge for the benefit of those in need. Decisions today are made in conscious consideration of what has been done before and the impact these decisions will have on what comes after.

I struggle to view myself as a stepping stone. The very purpose of a stepping stone is that it be stepped on. Not all that appealling to me, quite frankly. But this thought also provides an odd freedom. I can see my life and my call in history, in community. My responsibility is not to change the world, but to stack my stone in the pile and let God change the world.

Holy Saturday

Having grown up within the Pentecostal church, we never really paid too much attention to Lent, Holy Week and such. It was pretty much all about the resurrection. This year, I've celebrated Lent and paid much closer attention to the church traditions as Easter has approached.

The resurrection is, of course, incredible...indescribable in what it means to a Christ-follower. It seems to me, though, that the magnitude of the resurrection is lost when not enconsed within the story of Christ's suffering and death.

I'm reminded of a book I recently read entitled How (Not) to Speak of God. In the book, he describes a community of Christ's disciples that upon his crucifixion pack up their belongings and head off. They form a new community far away and continue to follow the example of Jesus within that community. It is not until hundreds of years later that a missionary comes to their community and shares with them the story of the resurrection.

I wonder if I could do that. Could I live knowing that my savior, my rabbi was crucified and my dreams were crushed? As amazing as that story is, though, and the questions that it brings to my own heart, I also question whether that's missing the point. The resurrection is an integral part of God's plan for the redemption of humans to Godself.

For me, the critical middle ground lies in recognizing both the crucifixion and the resurrection. Apart from each other, the meaning of God's work on the earth cannot be adequately understood. Without understanding the suffering of Christ, we cannot begin to fathom the sacrifice and the love present in this amazing act. Without the resurrection, the redemption is incomplete and we are still bound to the law.

The following prayer is from The Divine Hours: Prayers for Springtime:

O God, creator of heaven and earth: grant that, as the crucified body of you dear son was laid to rest in the tomb and rested on this holy Sabbath, so I may await with him the coming of the third day, and rise with him to newness of life; who now lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, forever and ever. Amen.

I pray for all blessings on this Holy Saturday and for God's presence in our lives as we consider both the horrendous crucifixion of Good Friday and the joyous celebration of Easter Sunday. Amen.

One of Those Weeks...

I know you've had 'em too. We all do.

This week has been mine. Aaron was on Spring Break, so having all the kids home was different than what I've gotten used to.

Elianna seems to have back-tracked after having been potty-trained for the last 6 months. I think it's just wanting to be independent and not have to have mom's help going, but let's just say I've cleaned up way too many puddles this week. May I say my patience has been tested and found to fail miserably??

Nate had an evaluation at Children's Hospital on Monday. They didn't tell us a whole lot we didn't already know. He has lax muscle tone and hyper-extended joints which effects his motor skills. The Doc also thinks that he has some motor planning delay. She did tell us that rather than being unmotivated, what he is able to accomplish is a testament to his will and determination. So, I guess that's good. I guess I was hoping that she would provide some concrete suggestions or next-steps, which she did not. We have some options to pursue ourselves, but have some discussion that needs to happen first. It's a fine line in providing the most intervention we can and loving Nate for who he is, an absolutely fabulous, intelligent and loving child.

Eddie's job stinks right now. It's just plain ol' high stress and constant "issues." My husband is terrific at handling stuff like that, but he can only handle so much. He tries so hard to make balance for me, so I've been trying to provide that for him this week and provide a safe, happy place at home. He deserves it!

So there you have it. I'm glad it's over and we have the weekend at home and a new week to start on Sunday.

Emerging Women's Gathering Recap

I just returned yesterday from the Emerging Women's Gathering in Oregon, IL. The gathering was organized and hosted by Julie Clawson & Sarah Notton, who did a fabulous job! Thanks, ladies!

The theme for the weekend was "Reimagining the Kingdom" and we had a lot of fun doing so in an actual castle. I was able to hook up with friends I met last year at the gathering outside Indianapolis, meet in person friends I've made via the Emerging Women's blog as well as meet some wonderful new friends.

As usual, it's difficult for me to put into words what times like this weekend mean to me. I went expecting, but also knowing that to receive, I needed to actively engage in the time as well. For an introvert in a new place, that can sometimes be difficult for me. But, enter and engage I did! I even tried sushi for the first time (not necessarily a spirtual thing, but fun and quite tasty)!

Through the course of the weekend, we were led in some new worship experiences including centering prayer, lectio devina, body prayer and the labyrinth. I enjoyed so much the wonderful freedom and reimagining of life and God that comes simply through stepping out in new experiences and finding God there.

As I remember the times I shared with the other women over meals, in workshops and just hanging out, I am profoundly grateful. It is beautiful when women share and encourage and engage each other in their spiritual jouneys. It's also an incredible experience to be in the midst of incredibly intelligent women discussing theology and the impact that theology has on our day-to-day activities; the process of reimagining and bringing that vision into reality within our lives. I am blessed to know that as I continue on my journey, my arms are linked with others who support me as I support them in our journey together.

Spring

Ahhh...if only I could write an "ode to Spring"...

It's a beautiful 70 degree day here in Colorado. It feels a long time coming this year since our winter had many more snow days and overall cloudy, winter weather than we've been used to over the last several years. The snow, once about 5 feet high in the back yard is now only a small patch of about 2 feet by 1 foot and about 4 inches high. The front has a bit more, but that will be gone shortly as well.

My kids and I ventured into the back yard to play after lunch today. While they busied themselves playing soccer and pretending to drive an ice-cream truck, I began cleaning dead leaves out of the garden area and trimming back perennials I should have taken care of last fall. The irises and tulips are poking through and the lilies are starting to show signs of life as well. My favorites, the peonies, will take a little longer. About the first of June they'll be in bloom with their large, hot pink flowers. They don't last long, but they sure make a great show!

Thank you, Lord, for Spring. Thank you for sunshine, for fresh growth, for hope.

Milestone: Growing Up

Today we've experienced a new step of freedom and independance.

As of today, all our children are in big kid beds. We purchased bunk beds for the boys two weeks ago. They moved out of their little kid beds into the world of the big boys and the fight over the top bunk. For some reason, that did not hit me as hard as moving Elianna into her big girl bed today. I had almost decided to pack the bed away for a few more months until my husband decided he thought it was a great day to purchase the mattress and get everything set up.

Elianna was thrilled. It's almost as if we gave her a throne on which to rule the household...which is probably not far from the truth in her mind. I got to see her face light up as she asked, "My bed?" and we answered, "Yes, your bed." I am constantly amazied by the wonder of the world through the eyes of a child. Wonder was definitely the look on her face as we presented this gift, both the physical bed and the freedom of being a "big girl" in this way.

In the midst of her joy, I also felt a profound sadness. This is it. No more cribs around here. I don't have babies anymore. I have three incredible, inventive children, but no more babies. In a sense, I'm growing up too. I'm learning the life of a mother of preschool and school age children. This is not just a milestone for my daughter, it's a milestone for me. It seems like as parents we become, at least in part, defined by the milestones of those who are the driving force in our life.

Tonight, we peaked in on Elianna, sound asleep in her new bed. She was in the same position I left her in when I kissed her good night; her dark hair fanned out around her sweet face; an incredible peace and contentment as she rested in this new bed. Then we peaked in on the boys, Aaron curled up on the top bunk and Nate sucking away on his thumb on the bottom. I'm so grateful for each of them. The way they bless me and the way they challenge me. We are family. I guess it makes sense for us to grow up together

Loving God vs. Loving Theology

This quote is from Jesus Creed, quoting Mark Allen Powell in another book (in progress, apparently at the time of writing):

We cannot have a relationship with our "christology" - we can
have a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Our "soteriology" cannot save us from our sins - our Savior can.

Our "ecclesiology" does not make us one - the Lord of the Church does.

Our "eschatology" will not transform this flawed universe - Jesus the
King of King and Prince of Peace will do that.

And, no matter how much we love "theology" - it will never love us back.

McNight closes this chapter by stating, "Only God in Christ loves us, and that is why believing is a relationship."

How TRUE! So often I pursue knowledge about God over relationship with God. It's easier for me to think about God, his qualities and how he interacts with humanity. It's much more difficult to translate that into an intimate relationship where I lay myself before him, trusting in God, believing...truly believing.

This prayer is from "The Divine Hours: Prayers for Springtime". I've been meditating on it quite a bit over the last few weeks.

Most Holy and Merciful Father:

I confess to you and the whole communion of saints in heaven and on earth,
that I have sinned by my own fault in thought, word and deed; by what I have
done and by what I have left undone.

I have not loved you with my whole heart, mind and strength. I have not
loved my neighbor as myself. I have not forgiven others as I have been
forgiven.
Have mercy on me, Lord.

I have been deaf to your call to serve as Christ served us. I have not
been true to the mind of Christ. I have grieved your Holy Spirit.
Have mercy on me, Lord.

I confess to you, Lord, all my past unfaithfulness: the pride, hypocrisy and
impatience of my life.
I confess to you, Lord.

My self-indulgent appetites and ways, and my exploitation of other people,
I confess to you, Lord.

My anger at my own frustration, and my envy of those more fortunate than I,
I confess to you, Lord.

My intemperate love of worldly goods and comforts, and my dishonesty
in daily life and work,
I confess to you, Lord.

My negligence in prayer and worship, and my failure to commend the faith
that is in me,
I confess to you, Lord.

Accept my repentance, O Lord, for the wrongs I have done: for my blindness to
human need and suffering, and my indifference to injustice and cruelty,
Accept my repentance, Lord.

For all false judgments, for uncharitable thoughts toward my neighbors, and for my
prejudice and contempt toward those who differ from me,
Accept my repentance, Lord.

For my waste and pollution of your creation, and my lack of concern for those
who come after us,
Accept my repentance, Lord.

Restore me, O Lord, and let your anger depart from me.
Favorably hear me, for your mercy is great.
Accomplish in me and in all of your church the work of your salvation,
That I might show forth your glory in the world.

By the cross and passion of your Son our Lord
Bring me with all your saints to the joy of his resurrection.

God and Boundaries

I've always been a big believer in personal boundaries. In part, this is a result of being an introvert. I place pretty big boundaries around myself both in regard to time and emotional or intellectual sharing.

God seems to have gotten a hold of my boundaries this week. As my family walks through some tough times, I've been thinking about how to protect myself from the responsibility I feel or that I feel others expect from me. In the past, I've felt quite justified in placing these boundaries around myself and my immediate family. This time, though, I feel as if I've walked into a wall. Each time I attempt to walk forward with my plan, I am abruptly stopped. After many tries, I resigned myself to ask God, "What's up?" Much to my chagrin, I felt the answer to my question was, "When did I put up walls as I died on the cross for you?"

What...really...what do you say to that?

In my case, I said nothing. I sat down on the floor with my mouth hanging open and my heart sinking to the pit of my stomach. It was quite painful.

This scripture came to my mind as I contemplated my motivation and what God calls each of us to: "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. 'You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But, I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for thos who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven...If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not event he tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." Matt. 5:38-48

If we are called to love, actively love, our enemies, how much more so are we called to sacrifice for those we do love? If Jesus gave his life for me while I was still tainted with sin, how much more should I give of myself, even when the giving is not recipricol, convenient or comfortable? As a follower of Christ, do I really think that I have a right to put up walls that say, "You can come this far into my life and no farther," or "I will help this much, but until you measure up to my standards, I won't do more?" I'm convinced I don't have this right...not at all.

The reason I don't have this right is that my motivation is self-centered, not other-centered as we are called to be as followers of Christ. I'm concerned about protecting me and not concerned with the very real needs of others around me.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not completely throwing boundaries out the window. Boundaries are essentially a good idea and quite necessary in navigating the variety of relationships each of us have in life. There are certainly times when very real and clear boundaries need to be put into place for the protection of ourselves or others around us. I am convinced, though, that I have abused the use of boundaries to serve myself rather than my Savior.

As I approach boundaries in the future, I pray for Divine wisdom as I seek the will of God and the service of others before the protection of my own comforts.

Emotional Health and the Christian

I'm trying to figure out what emotional health means to a follower of Christ.

We are called to love, to forgive, not to let the sun go down on our anger, when one cheek is slapped to allow the same for the other, when asked to carry a load one mile to offer two. Dwelling this list overwhelms me. I am failing miserably.

This week evidenced yet another cycle of abuse for a dear member of my family. I'm heartbroken that we're at this point again. I'm angry that the trust that has been built up and extended over the course of the last 6 months has been shattered. I'm scared that there is no hope, but long desperately for it. I'm tired. I'm so tired.

What is a Christian response in the midst of rough times? I'm not rejoicing in suffering, that much I know. I'm not wanting to offer to walk an extra mile, either. I want to protect myself. I want to set up a boundary, "I can go this far, but no further." I to protect myself from the pain, the hurt and the anger.

I think God understands how I feel. Right now, I think He is telling me to take a break and cuddle in his lap, my Abba. I think She is telling me that emotions are OK....that they are given by the Divine and are part of the way we reflect God's image. But, I'm not supposed to stop there. Grief and anger are human emotions that must ultimately submit to the God of the Universe. Without allowing that, they will become my gods and I will serve them.

Prayer for Friends

I'm thinking of several friends today who need my prayers.

Lord, for Angie and Jon, I pray peace, comfort and an embrace of grief as they mourn the loss of their baby. I also pray Your immense strength and hope into Angie's heart.

Lord, for Libby, I pray patience and a continued assurance and she and Roald wait for his liver transplant. I pray strength for Libby as she balances three children and a husband who's health continues to decline.

Lord, I pray for Brad and Katie. They have fought hard, with your help, to hang on to life, marriage and faith. I pray that you bring a time of blessing, of fun and healing into their lives.

Lord, I pray for Patty as she's lost her father and has received news of the immenent passing of mother and step-father. Bring strength and peace to her heart and mind. Bring hope to a heart overcome with mourning.

Lord, surround all my friends with your presence today. Touch them, draw them to you and bring comfort to their lives.

Amen

God as Creator

I've been on a quest lately. Many of the ways in which I thought about God and about faith have come into question for me this past year. It's not that I'm questioning my faith, but questioning how I think about faith. How do I define God? Based on that, how do I relate to and with God. How should a relationship with God change me and how I interact with others? I'd operated in auto-pilot for years and just took the controls back into my hands and am trying to figure out where I'm at.

I long to know God. Not who I want God to be (although I have to say that effects me more so than I'd like to admit), but who the Divine is. In that quest, I also want to know who I am in relationship to the Divine. So, I'm embarking on a personal study this year. I'm going to look at the names and descriptions of God in the bible.

Today, I'm starting at the beginning, at Creation. Growing up in a conservative church, I've always been taught Creationism or Intelligent Design and pretty much mocked Evolution. Quite frankly, I don't know enough about the arguments of either side to present the case well. For me, though, it is not necessary to understand creation as a literal seven-day process in order to maintain the integrity of the story and it's purpose in relating God's work.

God as Creator is just that, creative. It amazes me to look at the world around me and imagine that this all started as a so-call "spark" in God's eye. Imagination at its finest. The intracies of a snowflake. The rugged cliffs of a mountain. The various species of animals and plants that live together and create a stable ecosystem. You just can't top God for creativity. But more than just creating, God created for relationship and called creation good. That personal side, the side that desires for relationship, that works throughout history to reconcile creation to back to the Creator, is unfathomable to me. How do I approach a God that is both transcendent and immanent, Being that is both beyond comprehension and yet also within the limits of comprehension? I think creation gives a peak into this mystery. God is beyond creation because he is the Creator. At the same time, God creates to fill his need and describes it as good. At this point, the Creator steps into creation. The Divine walks with Adam and Eve in the garden. God is within human experience.

How does this change me, then? If I'm made in God's image, then I'm also a creator. As a woman, I naturally think of my children. The process of each of them growing inside me and then making their debut into the world is amazing. I wonder if God weaped with joy when I was born the way I did for my oldest? I also think that creator is more than making, it's creative energy. Energy, I think, to serve and care for Creation.

Divine Creator, move in me. You are beyond my knowledge, yet you reveal yourself to me. You love me, the created. As the Creator, you call me to love your creation. Use the creative energy you have placed in me to do your will on the Earth. Amen.