Growing Up

It's amazing to me how often I revert to the same behavior I see in my children. Of course, my children's behavior is most likely a result of me. In fact, my middle kiddo does this really annoying grunt a me whenever he doesn't like what I've asked him to do. I was getting really upset, but then I found myself doing the same thing to him. Not quite sure who's influencing who...

Well, anyway, I'm attempting "grown-up" behavior. Good luck to me, eh?

Entirely Possible?

It's been a good week. Despite a crazy, busy schedule, Thursday night was a family jam/dance session in the basement and last night was wrestling mania. I feel balance when "work" (in all it's various forms) is balanced with familiy needs.

I've been thinking about that balance this week after reading an article in a minstry journal. The particular volume is focused on women in ministry, but this article is titled, "What's a Ministry Wife To Do?" I found the title interesting considering the focus of the volume, so decided to read more. Much of what was said was valuable; we all have a story, our call to serve people in ministry comes from following those who have taught us and from jumping in ourselves, that the most important people in the world are those we're called to serve.

My sensitivies were aroused when I read the following; "My mother, an ordained minister, took seriously the preaching and teaching part of ministry, but you can be sure the roast beef dinner was ready to adorn the pre-set table right after Sunday morning service. She did it all and loved it." The article was closed out with, "An integration of ministry and family is entirely possible."

Probably as a result of my current commitments, I'm not so sure about that integration being possible or whether it looks like what this particular author has described. My mom was terrific at having Sunday dinner ready. I, on the other hand, lean towards left-overs from Friday's pizza nights or PB&J sandwhiches for after-church fare. I don't think I can manage the role of perfection in all these areas. In fact, I'm pretty sure I can't come close!

I do know that what I do, I want to do in service to God. Some days that means my family gets less of me so that I can fulfill needs in another area. Other days, ministry and other work commitments are laid to the side so that I can be an effective mom and wife. Integration, for me, is an ongoing and constant challenge and most of the time I feel pulled in several directions and feel as if I am not doing well in anything.

So, is integration possible? I would say yes...but the integration balances out in weeks/months sometimes rather than hours or minutes. Is it "entirely possible"? I'm thinking not so much.

Focus

"...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admmirable-if anything is excellent or priaseowrhty-think about such things." - Phillipians 4:8

This week, I have been prone to saturate myself in thoughts that don't measure up to this verse of scripture. My brother has been asking me to read the outline for a paper that talks about living "outside the body". I think the ability to dwell on noble, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praise-worthy thoughts does force one to move outside of his or her self, outside normal thought patterns and begin to view circumstances and situations from the viewpoint of God. When perspective changes from self-centered to other-centered, I look at situations differently and accordingly, I act different. I want to think different...I want to act different.

Where Do You Dump Your Junk?

Where do you dump your junk? That's my question of the day. Maybe the week, month or year at this point!

This particular thought entered my mind, I think by God's divine intervention, while writing in my journal this morning. You see, yesterday I took my son Nate in for a follow up evaluation on speech development. He is in the bell-curve, but definately border line on the bottom. As we drove home together in the car after a stop at Starbuck's to enjoy some mommy-son time, I struggled with my desires for Nate's success in life. Not that the speech delay will necessarily be a big deal...but the stubbornness in his little personality may very well! I want the very best for Nate. Ultimately, he makes his own decisions, though. As parents, Eddie and I guide him and walk with him through life, but he will be responsible for the decisions he makes.

Nate's stubborness manifested itself in a gruesome way upon our return home. He chose, for the hundreth time, not to use the potty for his excretory functions...twice. My frustration mounted. We've been working on this issue now since January and the child has no intention of cooperating with our grand plan of freedom for him in this area of his physical development! As I was writing this in my journal this morning, lamenting my potty-training woes, a thought forced it's way into my mind, "Amy, where do you dump your junk?"

Frankly, I was flabergasted! First, who knew God could speak to me in the midst of such crude functions of life? Second, ouch! That hurt! I am as bad as my son in this area, actually worse since he's 3 1/2 and I'm 32. God wants me, is trying to teach me, to rely on him. He knows what's best for me and desires for me to make the right choices in my life. He wants me to mature, to grow. And yet, when difficult times come my way, I don't turn to my Creator. For that matter, I often don't turn to him during the good times of life, either. Instead, I rely on myself, friends, vegging out at the computer. I'm not good at releasing my issues and joys to the one who created me, the one who has promised to stay with me, to comfort me, to nourish me, to help me grow.

I've been dumping my junk in the wrong place, too. God wants the best for me and I have continued doing life my way.

The difference between God & me in this potty-training metaphor is the way we deal with the offending party! Poor Nate got an earful yesterday of why my way was right! God, on the other hand, spoke love and healing to my heart.

Loving Relationships

"Loving Relationships". That's the lowest quality factor in our church's quality survey by the Institute of Natural Church Development. That's also the committee I'll be leading over the next 6 monts to 1 year to strategize & implement changes specific to this area.

The survey seems a bit sterile on the surface, but the opportunity is truly amazing. The point really is not a big church, big numbers, make the gospel attractive to attract people..what we normally consider church growth strategies. The opportunity is meeting needs; creating a healthy atmosphere in which God can better move through structures, relationships, worship, leadership and ministry.

I'm fascinated to see where this goes. I am hoping...praying...that what is done by the team and the church makes a difference in the lives of people.

It's Been A While

Wow...when I logged on and realized it's been two months since I've been on, I laughed! Obviously, I haven't had much time to "stop" lately! :)

It's been a busy two months and I'm learning some important lessons. My growth group discussed what God is teaching each of us last week. It's been a while since I've thought about that. After reflection, I think I'm learning to wait. I've spent the last couple months frustrated at trying to pursue ministry and still meet the needs of my family. The family has lost out and as a result, so have I. I am now trying to refocus. Really, my success with my husband and children will be no match for success anywhere else in life. It's just really difficult to reconcile that with diaper changing...especially for our 3 1/2 year old that seems determined to use pull-ups forever!

I am really excited about my growth group! Four of us are meeting about every other week and we're starting to form a stable foundation. The relationships are beginning to gel and trust is being built. I'm also excited about our new life group. We're reading the book "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller. The group is very open and has a great mix of people in various stages of their spiritual journey.

I'm waiting, but I already see things happening. Not such a bad place to be.

Emerging Women's ReGathering

I returned last night from an emergent women's "re-gathering" in McCordsville, IN. It was an incredible weekend for me. I can't help but think of the line in a popular older worship chorus stating, "This is holy ground, I'm standing on holy ground. For the Lord is present and where He is is holy."

This weekend was holy ground for me. God was present in my life in a way that is near impossible to communicate in words, but here are a few that begin the process: confirmation, permission, acceptance, peace, direction. I am learning to confidently and humbly proclaim that God has called me to be a pastor. This journey may be long and fraught with both challenges and joys, but it is not a call from which I can turn. So I accept the call and rejoice in the fact that as I walk this road, I am not alone.