A Compliment

I received probably the most meaningful compliment of my life today.

While speaking with my mom on the telephone, I mentioned I was again trying my patience by cooking with my children. This time it was chocolate chip cookies. Shortly after, my mom called my Grandma and during the course of their conversation mentioned I was cooking with my kids. My Grandma, the woman who raised 6 children, made their clothes, cooked, cleaned and performed home-making duties to a degree I would never dream, responded, "Bless her heart! I could have never done that with my children."

I'm not all that great at this mothering thing. I measure my failures much more frequently than my successes. Tonight, though, I'm basking in the glow of my grandmother's approval and esteem. Thank you, Grandma.

Cinderella Story

I've been reading a lot of princess stories...to my own little princess. It's amazing how long she sits still for a princess story.

But, as I'm reading it, I'm trying to reconcile to myself whether a cute story is just that, a cute story. Or, is it more? What am I teaching my daughter as I read the the pages of an innocent child's story?

For instance, the first pages of Cinderella tell of a little girl horribly wronged by her nasty stepmother and step sisters. And yet, in the midst of these wrongs, she remains kind an sweet. And in the end, the magic works her way and her life turns out perfect. It's all of our dreams, right? We're nice and we get what we want in the end. Yet how real is it? Not very.

My real question is how do you raise a little girl to be strong, passionate, sweet and give her the freedom to be who she is as a woman? Princess stories don't seem to cut it. So many girl stories are about sweet girls that pine for a lovely life married to a handsome man. Wanting a great man and a family is not so bad, it's just that it's not all there is.

How do I teach my daughter and sons to value the contributions, strengths and visions of men and women?

Perspective

I branched out past my comfort zone today and made muffins with my kids. Making muffins wasn't really the big deal, it was letting all three of my children help. I wish I could say I'm patient, but if I did, it would be a blatent lie. Between fighting over whose turn it is, spilling flour on the floor or putting sticky fingers in whatever it is we are making, I usually feel like I'm in a zoo with wild monkeys when I let them help. But we had a great time working together this morning. I'm glad I branched out.

As we were taking turns measuring pooring and mixing, I was letting Aaron, my oldest go first since he was closest to me. I was thinking to myself that I needed to let the others go first. So, when we went to stir in the cranberries, I gave the wooden spoon to Nate. Aaron then completely surprised me. He said, "Mom, I never get to go first." I was dumbfounded. Where had he been for the last 5 steps of our process? He got to go first each time.

He didn't remember though. It was when he was picked to go second that he paid attention to the order of turn-taking. It made me think. So many times I get protective of me; of where I'm at in a social situation, of how God or others are "treating" me. I wonder if I'm that blind to the real situation. I'm guessing I am.

Hmmm...

The Emotionally Healthy Church and Grieving

I've just finished a book called "The Emotionally Healthy Church". The book was recommended to me by my coach for the NCD process at our church.

It's a pretty good book, with the overarching premise that you cannot grow spiritually if you are not growning emotionally. Basically, you can do all the good in the world, but if not for the right reasons, you're not really growing spiritually.

There is one thought in the process that has captured my thoughts for the last week; Grieving is a gift given to me by God to deal with life's disappointments and hurts.

It's been a pretty rough few months for me. This fall we found out that one of our kids has a delay in motor development, possibly motor planning. My dad was in the hospital for 2 weeks as a result of a bad retroperiteneal bleed, my brother just had back surgery again and my husband's health has deteriorated as he's attempting a new treatment for diabetes. All of this in addition to trying to maintain a very busy life with our kids and too much commitment at church. I've pushed on in everything despite being tired, feeling overwhelmed and often times angry.

I have not allowed what has happened around me to penetrate my soul and incorporate it into who I am. I've held in on the outside, as if somehow it doesn't touch me. I'm not effected by it. I have not grieved.

I'd like to say I can press on, but that's just not true.

I am sad that Nate's developement is within the "normal" category. Actually, quite frankly, I'm disappointed that he's not at the top of the curve. The ability to get things done and general intelligence stuff is a big deal in my family. We're pretty competitive that way. Nate is very smart, but his way of doing life won't fit into most people's boxes. I'm sad about that. Not fitting into people's boxes can make life rough. I don't want that for him. And yet, when I put it on paper (so to speak) I don't really want him to fit in a box anyway. I really just want him to be happy. Right now he is. So, as I grieve, I want to show him that I love him for who he is, not who I wish he was.

I grieve for my dad, who has always been the picture of health. We all pray he will be that again. But in the process, I have new awareness that my parents are aging and I think it stinks! I want to have them forever, but I am learning to truly enjoy them now.

I grieve for my brother and his family. Life has dealt them a series of blows and I'm pissed of about it. They need time to heal. They need time to learn to deal with the "little" things in life, rather than always dealing with crises. I pray for them peace and strength. I pray that I can support and not feel responsible for who they become in the process.

I grieve for Eddie. Eddie's the coolest guy and the most incredible husband. I want health for him. I feel angry that he has to deal with this disease and that as a result, our family does as well.

So, with my dirty laundry on the table, the question I have for myself is how do I incorporate these disapponitments into my life rather than continuing to push them out? I'm not quite sure. I've started with a good cry. Hopefully God will meet me here.

Book Review

OK...so the stay-at-home mom has come up with something to be published on "The Ooze". Do you think they'll find me out...(really a wanna-be smart person in a stay-at-home mom body)! :)

Book Review

What's Love Got To Do With It?

I've been reading the book "Searching for God Knows What" by Donald Miller. It's terrific!

He has a chapter titled, "Lifeboat: How to Kill Your Neighbor". Of course, the title itself got me hooked! :)

But then, I started reading...

He talks about a class discussion he had in school. There were several people on a boat (Doctor, Lawyer, Pregnant lady, Child with a disability, etc). There wasn't enough room on the boat, so the class had to decide which one was to be thrown overboard. The class had a great discussion, but it didn't even occur to them that placing value in this way had legitimate issues. Miller goes on to use this lifeboat scenario as an analogy of our lives apart from Christ. We see ourselves in a lifeboat and have to proclaim our worth, our value as well as decide the worth of others around us so that we can justify our place on the boat.

Absolutely amazing! Mostly because, quite ashamedly, I see this in my own relationships (or lack thereof).

Miller goes on to say that Jesus was all about turning over this mentality. We don't have to be on a lifeboat, judged and valued by a "jury of peers." We are loved, emphatically loved, by God. That changes everything. It's no longer about positioning myself, it's no longer about being defined by the opinions of others toward me. Rather, it's all about the fact that God loved me so much that he sent Jesus to die in order to reconcile me to him and to receive the pure love he offers. When I recognize that, it changes my motivations and behaviors.

Declaration for Women

I just received the newsletter from our community Women's Crisis Center and it included a declaration from the Faith Trust Institute. The declaration is signed by several religious leaders, including Brian McLaren.

I shared it with my pastor and it sounds liken he's going to highlight this declaration as well as the local statistics on domestic violence and our opportunity to get involved with the local crisis center. We're doing this Sunday, November 19th (November 25th is International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women).

Declaration