I've been reading a lot of princess stories...to my own little princess. It's amazing how long she sits still for a princess story.
But, as I'm reading it, I'm trying to reconcile to myself whether a cute story is just that, a cute story. Or, is it more? What am I teaching my daughter as I read the the pages of an innocent child's story?
For instance, the first pages of Cinderella tell of a little girl horribly wronged by her nasty stepmother and step sisters. And yet, in the midst of these wrongs, she remains kind an sweet. And in the end, the magic works her way and her life turns out perfect. It's all of our dreams, right? We're nice and we get what we want in the end. Yet how real is it? Not very.
My real question is how do you raise a little girl to be strong, passionate, sweet and give her the freedom to be who she is as a woman? Princess stories don't seem to cut it. So many girl stories are about sweet girls that pine for a lovely life married to a handsome man. Wanting a great man and a family is not so bad, it's just that it's not all there is.
How do I teach my daughter and sons to value the contributions, strengths and visions of men and women?
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Cinderella Story
Posted by Amy at 8:19 PM
Labels: Faith, Women's Concerns
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11 comments:
this is a hard one I've been thinking about too. I had a professor who wouldn't let her child watch Cinderella (Disney version) because it equated good with beautiful and bad/evil with ugly. She thought girls have enough image issues without bringing moral value to looks as well. But banning stuff doesn't help you "teach" good lessons, just makes it tempting...
Amy, thanks for bringing this to the table. I wrestle with the same thing. I think in addition to talking with kids (and ourselves-each other) about myths and fairy tales that send some problematic messages, we also need new stories of heroic girls and women who are kind, yet strong, who feel angry and do something powerfully good with that energy, who neither acquiece to injustice, nor become bitter and unable to experience compassion, joy, and love.
That's interesting, Julie. I've considered the same...not allowing our kids to watch Cinderella and the like, but I'm finding myself in a dilemna over all shows. Plus, we were banned from watching various shows growing up because they had "magic" or "new age" qualities about them. I'm leaning more to the "Let's talk through this message" strategy with some wisdom thrown in on which stories are really off-limits.
Jemila, I agree. I've started trying to find stories with a strong heroine, but have not been overly successful to this point. Do you have any resources to recommend?
This summer, some girls in the neighborhood put on a show for the rest of us. I don't remember the name of the song, but the jist of it was, "I don't need no prince to rescue me, I can take care of myself." It left me proud of them and yet a bit sad. As women, we often get the message that beauty and submission (of some sort) are our acceptable role. The rejection of that, though, can lead us to the other end of the spectrum and the insistence that we can take care of ourselves. I'm trying to find that in-between and teach that to my children. As individuals, God has created us as capable, gifted individuals, meant for community. We need to value the gifts of others and work together, leaning on each other.
Sorry for the long discourse here! This balance and how to communicate it has captured my mind lately.
We've had another snowy day here in the Denver area!
I found a pretty good movie out there, but probably for kids over about 3 or 4. It's called "The Ant Bully." A heroine of the story is Hova (sp?) voiced by Julia Roberts. She believes the significant problems within the colony caused by a young boy, "The Destroyer", can be resolved through reasoning and relationship rather than war. After the boy is shrunk to ant-size, Hova mentors him and through her caring and example, he is won over into relationship with the colony and ends up saving them. (The ants also worship "Mother", the creator of all that is).
It's actually a pretty good flick and can appeal to both boys and girls!
My Gabrielle (age 4) is a huge princess fan. I think we all long for perfection in some way. Sometimes fairytales content us in his way, but, whatever form our pining takes, I think it happens consciously or unconsciously. Fantasy means, to me, that paradise must await us. It is a situation of whether we can be faithful to God and keep our hearts caring for the lost in this present reality, (over a rich fantasy life,) that may be of biggest concern.
I try to moderation. Balancing princess stories with many other kinds. And I try to tell her life is much different than stories, but stories make life fun.
I too, balk at the “marry a guy and live happily ever after” themes. I know too many that thought their normal marriage was a failure and left, simply because they didn’t know normal was not happily ever after. It must really help to encourage a different take on this idea. People fail us. Marriage isn’t the answer to an incomplete or unfulfilled life.
One thing I do like about Cinderella, and some other princesses who are “sweet”, is that our fruits of the Spirit will make us loving, in both happy and bad situations, as we abide in God’s love and grow in grace. It’s not always easy, and we falter, but seeing a role model of grace, can this be a bad thing? It’s not to me.
W4L, great minds must think alike. My daughter's middle name is Gabrielle.
I actually like a lot of things about Cinderella in particular. The first is that it's pretty innocent as far as children's stories go and I'm quite comfortable leaving my kiddos to watch it. I like you're idea of using it to teach/reinforce the fruit of the spirit.
I think my overall concern is how I personally may reinforce certain social expectations of how a girl (or boy, depending on the situation) should act and respond. A purposeful awareness of what is being communicated, even in little kids stories, is very important to me as my husband and I attempt to raise our children.
My daughter is strong and vibrant. My boys are energetic and sensitive. It is my strongest desire that they learn and grow and operate freely within the gifts and abilities God has given them. I can't always change the message the world gives them, but I can be purposeful in what we communicate to them in our home. That's the reason for my questioning...
We still do the princess thing even with the issue.
I do like the book Not One Damsel in Distress by Jane Yolen for a collection of alternate girl hero stories. (she also wrote Mightier than the Sword - a collection of nonviolent male hero stories)
If you daughter is a fan of fairy tales in general (as I was as a kid...and still am :) ), you could always introduce some of the lesser-known "fairy" tales that feature animals.
Another option would be to look for the oldest versions of the story you can find - I can't remember any specific authors off the top of my head, but there are some old versions of classic tales out there that are actually pretty feminist-friendly if I recall correctly.
A third option: modern fairy tales (i.e. anything written in the past 100 years). I've read some excellent ones in the past.
Thanks for the ideas! I have two older boys, so have just really discovered the "girl" thing.
Thanks Julie & Amy -- I'm definitely going to check out The Ant Bully and the Jane Yolen series. My personal favorites are Anne of Green Gables and Matilda, though both are geared to the over-six crowd, I think.
Jemila, I hadn't even thought of Anne of Greene Gables. It's one of my all time favorites and I'll share that with Elianna when she gets older. LM Montgomery also wrote a series on "Emily of New Moon". It's very good and Emily, like Anne, is strong, unique and creative. There are three books to that serires.
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