Focus

"...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admmirable-if anything is excellent or priaseowrhty-think about such things." - Phillipians 4:8

This week, I have been prone to saturate myself in thoughts that don't measure up to this verse of scripture. My brother has been asking me to read the outline for a paper that talks about living "outside the body". I think the ability to dwell on noble, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praise-worthy thoughts does force one to move outside of his or her self, outside normal thought patterns and begin to view circumstances and situations from the viewpoint of God. When perspective changes from self-centered to other-centered, I look at situations differently and accordingly, I act different. I want to think different...I want to act different.

Where Do You Dump Your Junk?

Where do you dump your junk? That's my question of the day. Maybe the week, month or year at this point!

This particular thought entered my mind, I think by God's divine intervention, while writing in my journal this morning. You see, yesterday I took my son Nate in for a follow up evaluation on speech development. He is in the bell-curve, but definately border line on the bottom. As we drove home together in the car after a stop at Starbuck's to enjoy some mommy-son time, I struggled with my desires for Nate's success in life. Not that the speech delay will necessarily be a big deal...but the stubbornness in his little personality may very well! I want the very best for Nate. Ultimately, he makes his own decisions, though. As parents, Eddie and I guide him and walk with him through life, but he will be responsible for the decisions he makes.

Nate's stubborness manifested itself in a gruesome way upon our return home. He chose, for the hundreth time, not to use the potty for his excretory functions...twice. My frustration mounted. We've been working on this issue now since January and the child has no intention of cooperating with our grand plan of freedom for him in this area of his physical development! As I was writing this in my journal this morning, lamenting my potty-training woes, a thought forced it's way into my mind, "Amy, where do you dump your junk?"

Frankly, I was flabergasted! First, who knew God could speak to me in the midst of such crude functions of life? Second, ouch! That hurt! I am as bad as my son in this area, actually worse since he's 3 1/2 and I'm 32. God wants me, is trying to teach me, to rely on him. He knows what's best for me and desires for me to make the right choices in my life. He wants me to mature, to grow. And yet, when difficult times come my way, I don't turn to my Creator. For that matter, I often don't turn to him during the good times of life, either. Instead, I rely on myself, friends, vegging out at the computer. I'm not good at releasing my issues and joys to the one who created me, the one who has promised to stay with me, to comfort me, to nourish me, to help me grow.

I've been dumping my junk in the wrong place, too. God wants the best for me and I have continued doing life my way.

The difference between God & me in this potty-training metaphor is the way we deal with the offending party! Poor Nate got an earful yesterday of why my way was right! God, on the other hand, spoke love and healing to my heart.

Loving Relationships

"Loving Relationships". That's the lowest quality factor in our church's quality survey by the Institute of Natural Church Development. That's also the committee I'll be leading over the next 6 monts to 1 year to strategize & implement changes specific to this area.

The survey seems a bit sterile on the surface, but the opportunity is truly amazing. The point really is not a big church, big numbers, make the gospel attractive to attract people..what we normally consider church growth strategies. The opportunity is meeting needs; creating a healthy atmosphere in which God can better move through structures, relationships, worship, leadership and ministry.

I'm fascinated to see where this goes. I am hoping...praying...that what is done by the team and the church makes a difference in the lives of people.

It's Been A While

Wow...when I logged on and realized it's been two months since I've been on, I laughed! Obviously, I haven't had much time to "stop" lately! :)

It's been a busy two months and I'm learning some important lessons. My growth group discussed what God is teaching each of us last week. It's been a while since I've thought about that. After reflection, I think I'm learning to wait. I've spent the last couple months frustrated at trying to pursue ministry and still meet the needs of my family. The family has lost out and as a result, so have I. I am now trying to refocus. Really, my success with my husband and children will be no match for success anywhere else in life. It's just really difficult to reconcile that with diaper changing...especially for our 3 1/2 year old that seems determined to use pull-ups forever!

I am really excited about my growth group! Four of us are meeting about every other week and we're starting to form a stable foundation. The relationships are beginning to gel and trust is being built. I'm also excited about our new life group. We're reading the book "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller. The group is very open and has a great mix of people in various stages of their spiritual journey.

I'm waiting, but I already see things happening. Not such a bad place to be.

Emerging Women's ReGathering

I returned last night from an emergent women's "re-gathering" in McCordsville, IN. It was an incredible weekend for me. I can't help but think of the line in a popular older worship chorus stating, "This is holy ground, I'm standing on holy ground. For the Lord is present and where He is is holy."

This weekend was holy ground for me. God was present in my life in a way that is near impossible to communicate in words, but here are a few that begin the process: confirmation, permission, acceptance, peace, direction. I am learning to confidently and humbly proclaim that God has called me to be a pastor. This journey may be long and fraught with both challenges and joys, but it is not a call from which I can turn. So I accept the call and rejoice in the fact that as I walk this road, I am not alone.

Prayer and Understanding God

Our church is doing a series on questions. Easter was "Why Jesus?" This Sunday is about prayer...specifically, is there a reason God doesn't answer my prayers. Am I not good enough? Am I doing it wrong? In doing very minimal research to help our pastor, God has spoken to my heart about prayer in my life. This view on prayer is not a result of unending research, but rather personal experience and need. It's been a rather tough week as my brother struggles through a battle in his life...one that effects those that love him dearly. So, here are my thoughts:

It seems to me when I read about prayer in the Bible, specifically the New Testament, the goal of prayer is not our personal comfort and wishes. In 1 Cor. 13:9, Paul prays for the perfection of the Corinthian believers. In Phil 1:9, the prayer is for the love of the believers growth in knowledge and insight for the purpose of discernment. Phil 4:6 states that we should not be anxious, but with prayer and petition make our requests know to God. The result of this is not a perfect situation, easily handled, but God's peace. James 1:5 states that God will give wisdom to those who ask and believe. James 4:2-3 states that they do not have because they do not ask God and that when they do ask, they ask with wrong motives...motives that are selfish and concerned with their own well-being and personal pleasures. Because of this, their prayers are not answered.

I've been reading "Adventures in Missing the Point" by Tony Campolo and Brian McLaren. In McLaren's response to Campolo's chapter on Theology, he addresses the way we approach God and shares quotes from a poem by C.S. Lewis. I found the poem online and have included it below.

He whom I bow to only knows to whom I bow
When I attempt the ineffable Name, murmuring Thou,
And dream of Pheidian fancies and embrace in heart
Symbols (I know) which cannot be the thing Thou art.
Thus always, taken at their word, all prayers blaspheme
Worshiping with frail images a folk-lore dream,
And all men in their praying, self-deceived, address
The coinage of their own unquiet thoughts, unless
Thou in magnetic mercy to Thyself divert
Our arrows, aimed unskillfully, beyond desert;
And all men are idolaters, crying unheard
To a deaf idol, if Thou take them at their word.

Take not, O Lord, our literal sense. Lord, in thy great
Unbroken speech our limping metaphor translate.

What an incredibly powerful thought! Humanity constantly struggles to understand God. We have images and frameworks, but they rest on our own personal experience, through traditions passed down to us; all of these incomlete. We see through the glass dimly.

I was listening to a CD my husband left in the car over the weekend and heard a song that caught me right where I'm at. The song is by a band called "Down Here". I can't seem to find a CD by them or a website, but the song is on the 2002 WOW CD. The words are as follows;

I knew the times would come, and now the times have landed
With sting and abrasion.
As ready as I seem to be, it's never like I planned it.

I'm wrestling my thoughts, I'm overcome
Would you give me death, I'm asking Lord.
There's nowhere I sense your presence here
So I will cry out until I go...

From protest to praise, You're always amazing me.
Your changing me slowly but surely and
You're going to see me to the end.

How long will I be forgotten by you forever
Cause you're not making sense here.
It seems like eternity has made a home between us.
I'm wrestling my thoughts I'm overcome...

What captured me in the words of this song is that sometimes life doesn't make sense. It's hard and it's painful. But the journey from protest to praise is where God wants to meet me. In my own life, my prayer is that God moves me from protest to praise.

Family

We flew back home yesterday after a 4-day weekend visiting in-laws in Phoenix. The weather there was lovely and we had a terrific time, with the exception of a few mishaps along the way. Besides almost loosing a laptop, a potty-training disaster and a swallowed transformer part, we also went without naps for the weekend...anyone with young children knows that can be a disaster in the making. But, in spite of all this we enjoyed swim time in their pool, sight-seeing and most of all hanging out with family.

That is actually the beauty of family. We can have a bad day, a bad week or a bad year and we stick with each other because that's what it's all about. Developing that type of relationship outside the family is much more difficult. It's so easy to give up when things get tough. It's usually easier to walk away when there are no future family functions to endure together! I know I struggle with that.

I'm going to be part of a "Life Transformation Group" with 3 other ladies beginning next week. It's kind of an accountability group. I'm interested to see how this goes. Will this be the start of a true, life-giving relationship with these women? I hope so.