Waiting

I've been in a season of waiting for a while now. For a time, I felt that I was just waiting for "something". I think I've come to realize that part of waiting is simply not "doing". In not holding up a measuring stick, there is freedom to listen to the heartbeat of God, to learn that rhythm and to rest there. My coach sent me a poem that captures this beautifully.

I weave a silence on to my lips;
I weave a silence into my mind;
I weave a silence within my heart.
I close my ears to distractions;
I close my eyes to attractions;
I close my heart to temptations.
Calm me O Lord, as you stilled the storm;
Still me, O Lord, keep me from harm.
Let all the tumult within me cease;
Enfold me, Lord, in your peace.   (David Adam)

Psalm 62:1 "For God alone my soul waits in silence."

The Birds of the Air

The kids are all down for naps this afternoon. We had a busy day yesterday and I know they're exhuasted, as am I.

I'm sipping a cup of coffee and looking out the window at our robin cozied up in her nest. Last year this robin made her nest at the roofline straight out our front door. She spent about a week gathering leaves, branches and such making a soft little bed for her and her babies. We can see directly down into the nest from my sons' bedroom window. We saw the three blue, speckled eggs, the wide-open hungry mouths of the baby birds, demanding food from mommy. They grew fat and fluffy until one day they stood on the edge of the nest, tentatively beat their wings and then flew away. We did not see them again...

Until about three weeks ago. The momma came back. She rebuilt the nest that sagged on the eaves from the heavy winter snow. She nestled herself into it, making sure of the right fit. And now she's waiting for her babies to grow big enough inside the eggs to make their appearance into the world.

As I watch her, I think of the scripture in Matthew, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" (Matt. 6:25-26 TNIV)

What is it to not worry in this context? I've always assumed it meant just to not worry, that God can take care of me, so I should trust him. It seems that reading it in context the "worry" here could also serve a broader category. In Matthew 5, we have the Sermon on the Mount, the Beattitudes and the beginning of almost three chapters of instruction and teaching by Jesus. He teaches on the fulfillment of the law, addresses murder and adultery of the heart, he chastises the Pharisees for their outward dilligence to the law without the right inward attitude.

Knowing that Jesus has just taught that the law has been fulfilled and begins to subvert the Law, as understood by the Pharisees, with a law of the heart in Jesus, what does trusting God look like? Just a few verses later, Jesus says, " Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; those who seek find; and to those who knock, the door will be opened. Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." (Matt 7:7-12, TNIV)

I think it all goes back to the state of our heart. I think Jesus is challenging those he is teaching to move past all the externals by which people measure successful faith and adherence to law. A changed life will not be found there. This "faith thing" is not a part-time hobby nor is it based on actions we perform. It's about the barest, most naked and ashamed parts of me opened to the One who provides change and hope and love. "Do not worry," God says, "If I care for this little robin, will I not care for you, the one whom I've made in my image, in my likeness, the one I formed in her mother's womb and laid out her days before her?"

God, as you care for this robin who finds a safe place in the eaves of our home, I ask you to work in my heart to trust you to care for me as well.

This prayer is from "The Divine Hours: Prayers for Springtime". I've been meditating on it quite a bit over the last few weeks.

Most Holy and Merciful Father:

I confess to you and the whole communion of saints in heaven and on earth,
that I have sinned by my own fault in thought, word and deed; by what I have
done and by what I have left undone.

I have not loved you with my whole heart, mind and strength. I have not
loved my neighbor as myself. I have not forgiven others as I have been
forgiven.
Have mercy on me, Lord.

I have been deaf to your call to serve as Christ served us. I have not
been true to the mind of Christ. I have grieved your Holy Spirit.
Have mercy on me, Lord.

I confess to you, Lord, all my past unfaithfulness: the pride, hypocrisy and
impatience of my life.
I confess to you, Lord.

My self-indulgent appetites and ways, and my exploitation of other people,
I confess to you, Lord.

My anger at my own frustration, and my envy of those more fortunate than I,
I confess to you, Lord.

My intemperate love of worldly goods and comforts, and my dishonesty
in daily life and work,
I confess to you, Lord.

My negligence in prayer and worship, and my failure to commend the faith
that is in me,
I confess to you, Lord.

Accept my repentance, O Lord, for the wrongs I have done: for my blindness to
human need and suffering, and my indifference to injustice and cruelty,
Accept my repentance, Lord.

For all false judgments, for uncharitable thoughts toward my neighbors, and for my
prejudice and contempt toward those who differ from me,
Accept my repentance, Lord.

For my waste and pollution of your creation, and my lack of concern for those
who come after us,
Accept my repentance, Lord.

Restore me, O Lord, and let your anger depart from me.
Favorably hear me, for your mercy is great.
Accomplish in me and in all of your church the work of your salvation,
That I might show forth your glory in the world.

By the cross and passion of your Son our Lord
Bring me with all your saints to the joy of his resurrection.

Prayer for Friends

I'm thinking of several friends today who need my prayers.

Lord, for Angie and Jon, I pray peace, comfort and an embrace of grief as they mourn the loss of their baby. I also pray Your immense strength and hope into Angie's heart.

Lord, for Libby, I pray patience and a continued assurance and she and Roald wait for his liver transplant. I pray strength for Libby as she balances three children and a husband who's health continues to decline.

Lord, I pray for Brad and Katie. They have fought hard, with your help, to hang on to life, marriage and faith. I pray that you bring a time of blessing, of fun and healing into their lives.

Lord, I pray for Patty as she's lost her father and has received news of the immenent passing of mother and step-father. Bring strength and peace to her heart and mind. Bring hope to a heart overcome with mourning.

Lord, surround all my friends with your presence today. Touch them, draw them to you and bring comfort to their lives.

Amen