Where are we going again? A look at Deuteronomy 8

I distinctly remember being 15 years old and sitting in my room in our little rental house in Missoula, MT. The carpet as an old green shag and the window looked out to a pretty garden and the hills just outside the city. I opened my Bible, daring God to show me that he actually had a plan in the chaos of my life. We were just a couple nights away from our 3rd move in 2 years. That would be four different states and a total of five different Junior High and High Schools in that same period. I was angry and overwhelmed.

I flicked the Bible open to Deuteronomy, thinking God was going to have a pretty rough time talking to me through THAT book of the Bible. Little did I know...

I opened up to Deuteronomy 8 and stopped at verse 7, utterly amazed at what I read.

I am bringing you to a good land; a land of stream beds full of water, a land of springs and deep rivers flowing out from the valleys and the hills. (my translation).

That's one moment in my life that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God cared about me. I was an insecure, self-absorbed, desperate teen and God cared enough about me to meet me in that corner room with the shag carpet, to comfort me and let me know that despite the unknown and my personal fears, God was bringing me to a good place. And it was just that. It was a good place.

In the book of Deuteronomy, the people are called to "remember" what God has done for them over and over again. God had miraculously worked on behalf of the Hebrew people in bringing them out of Egypt, in providing for them in the wilderness and was now preparing them to enter the land of promise. The call to remember was essentially a call to worship. Remembering what God has done plays the same role in our lives. As I look into our future wondering what it will entail and feel those same sensations of insecurity I did way back when, I also remember the times God met me and guided me in the past. I can trust God. I know that the place I am going will be a "good land."

More thoughts on Deuteronomy 8 to come...

Waiting

I've been in a season of waiting for a while now. For a time, I felt that I was just waiting for "something". I think I've come to realize that part of waiting is simply not "doing". In not holding up a measuring stick, there is freedom to listen to the heartbeat of God, to learn that rhythm and to rest there. My coach sent me a poem that captures this beautifully.

I weave a silence on to my lips;
I weave a silence into my mind;
I weave a silence within my heart.
I close my ears to distractions;
I close my eyes to attractions;
I close my heart to temptations.
Calm me O Lord, as you stilled the storm;
Still me, O Lord, keep me from harm.
Let all the tumult within me cease;
Enfold me, Lord, in your peace.   (David Adam)

Psalm 62:1 "For God alone my soul waits in silence."

What do we do?

I've mentioned before my frustration with some of the e-mails sent around about Obama during the political campaign.

Today, I was forwarded an e-mail that surpassed all those. It moved from ignorant e-mail forwarding...the kind where the sender doesn't check facts and forwards on incorrect and often harmful material...to one of outright racism.

I think what stunned me the most was that this was from an individual I really respected.

Just last night, my husband shared with me a story of a friend who has what we might call naive racism. He doesn't even realize that what he says is extremely hurtful and propagates the current power structures. His reality says this is all true and yet he is somehow blind to the faults of this way of thinking.

The fact is that this is me, too. I make my own assumptions and think that's reality for all. I use structures that work for me. I don't want my ignorance to be an excuse, though. I want to hear the stories of people not like me...and let it make a difference. Lord, open my eyes.

Organic Growth...What's It Really Like?

I recently finished reading the bookThe Forgotten Ways by Alan Hirsch. In addition, I was privileged to participate in a round table discussion today with Alan Hirsch which was sponsored by the local Reformed Church Classis, whom I thank sincerely for allowing a group of us to join with them in this insightful day.

As usual, I come out of this with many thoughts, most of which don't deserve a second look. But, in my reading of this book, I got caught on the chapter about organic systems. Hirsch states, "It should not surprise us that organic images of the church should draw their primary theological funding from the biblical doctrine of creation (cosmology), from an ecological and an intrinsically spiritual view of the world rather than from any of the other disciplines that have conventionally informed leadership and the development of organizations. Cosmology must guide us into a deeper understanding of ourselves and our function in the world." (page 180)

In the previous section, he touches on the metaphors Jesus used for the church and the kingdom; body, field, yeast, seed, trees, living temples, vines, animals, etc. Having recently lead a Natural Church Development process in our church, these images were quite familiar to me.

At that point, though, I started to really think about this process. We recently returned from vacation in the mountains of Colorado. While there, we admired the beauty of the forests. We saw pine cones forming on the conifers and shared with our children how the trees are naturally created as the seeds fall to the ground. It's a natural process of reproduction. But built into this process is a significant failure rate. How many of the seeds land on soil, germinate and grow into viable trees which are then able to reproduce themselves? Not nearly as many as were originally sent out (try a google search on this...who knew how many different studies on this exact topic there are).

Hirsch states on page 181 that "...an organic image of church and mission is theologically richer by far than any mechanistic and institutional conceptions of church that we might devise.". I whole-heartedly agree. And yet, as we consider organic processes to be the method of growth and the movement of God in our culture today, I wonder about our ability to also reconcile this seeming failure as part of the natural process. Organic does not necessitate perfect scenarios. It creates natural scenarios. As individuals and communities seek to follow Jesus, how do we deal with the loss that is inherent in natural processes without turning away from the mission?

I think that one method of navigating this reality is to walk in community both within an individual faith community as well as in the joining together with other faith communities on this same journey. For instance, if we consider a single conifer tree in a relatively empty field, it's going to take an awfully long time for much to happen. But, if we look at a field full of trees at various stages of development, all of a sudden the relatively low percentage of germination of seeds begins to "feel" different because we see things happening faster just because there's more to start with.

So, back to human reality... Maybe as individuals and church communities, we have to consider that this organic process is going to look fairly stagnated to begin with. As result, we deliberately parter with other individuals and other churches so that our shared stories inform each other and provide opportunity both for mourning and encouragement as we travel together in this important journey.

And doesn't this make sense anyway when we consider the call for the church (bigger than just our local faith community) to be the body of God, working together to accomplish the mission given to us by Jesus?

Conversation on the Way to the Movies

My almost 7-year-old: Mom, does God know everything I'm going to do?

Me: Explain to me what your thinking, please.

7 year old: Well, does God control us kind of like a puppet or a remote control car?

Me: People have different interpretations of what scripture says about that. Some people believe that God knows every decision we're going to make and others believe that God gives us freedom to make decisions and then works with the decisions we make to fulfill God's purposes.

7 year old: What do you believe, Mom?

Me: I believe that God allows us to make decisions and then works with those decisions.

7 year old: I think I believe both.

Me: Really. Explain that to me.

7 year old: Well, God puts thoughts in our head to help us make the right decisions. So, that helps us make God's decisions and still make up our own mind. Hey, Mom! I just created a 3rd option. My option includes everyone.

Me: Wow.

(We finished the evening off with watching Horton Hears a Who...fitting after our conversation).

Christian Responsibility

I just read an article on CNN about crucifixes. It appears that many religious shops in the US are selling, unawares, crucifixes made in sweat shops in China.

The owner of Singer Co., a religious goods store stated, "Whether they came out of a sweatshop, we do not know...We asked Full Start to sign off that there are no sweatshop conditions involved, and no children and that they abide by Chinese law. This is a black eye for us."

CNN quotes Bill Anderson, president and chief executive of the Christian trade association, as saying: "While we occasionally hear this issue raised, and believe there are factories in China where human rights are violated, we believe claims that products sold through CBA member stores are made in these shops are irresponsible and unfounded."

I am assuming the very best about Christian bookstores and religious goods organizations; that they would never knowingly purchase and sell goods made in sweat shops that prey on women and children. But, I also think the responses given in this article are appalling.

Just recently, Gap ran into a nasty situation in which one of their subcontractors used child labor to make dress shirts for their baby gap stores. I'm not saying I'm fond of Gap's overall policy, but at least they took the information seriously and did something about it.

I would think that as Christians, purchasing a representation of God's sacrifice for humanity, that there would be an added responsibility to be aware of where the items come from and do something about it if you found out it was different than originally thought. What a horrible possibility that a crucifix would be made in a sweat shop. It seems ignorant to respond by saying that they know it happens in China, but that the reports for their products must be unfounded. It's also naive to fall back on the fact that the contractor was asked not to use sweat shops. When something is contracted clear across the world in an area known for corruption, it just makes sense that it might impact your merchandise.

I think we have a tremendous responsibility. In reading the response of these individuals to the allegations, I'm challenged in my own response. I often turn a blind eye. I justify my decisions based on my own convenience rather than allowing myself to feel the full consequences for whoever is at the other end of my purchasing choices. I'm not going to change overnight, but I will acknowledge that the situation is real and I need to take action.

Working "Upstream" and becoming a Feminist

I found the following quote in the quarterly newsletter from the local women's shelter.

One day a woman was walking along a river and was astonished to see many women struggling in the water. She saw some people pulling the drowning women out of the river. The woman thought for moment, then she ran upstream to find out why the women were falling in the water in the first place and to do something about it." - Source Unknown

I've run into a couple blog conversations latelely, one at CBE and the other at Amateur Theology, that end up addressing, at some level, what those "upstream issues" might be.

The CBE discussion centers around a law passed last year in Spain mandating that crosswalk signs equally balance pictures of men and women. The discussion tended toward how they were to characterize the woman sign (wearing a skirt and hair up in a pony-tail). The question also came up as to the many other worthy efforts towards equality this money could have been used towards.

At Amateur Theology, a discussion on feminism garnered a comment about going too far by some in signing a card "from women and men of such and such." Geoff gave a terrific reply that addressed just what the quote above is referring to.

As I read the newsletter from the Women's Crisis and Family Outreach Center, I couldn't help but ask what can we do to change the upstream issues. Are changing street signs that important? Maybe. Is it important to sometimes change up what might be a common idiom to be purposeful in raising awareness of equality? Quite possibly. I think both of these efforts are a good start to challenging culture to change assumptions. Will either of these, by themselves, stop some of the downstream issues such as rape and abuse? Unfortunately, not anytime soon.

So, what else can we do to change ingrained stereotypes? How do we challenge a status quo in which we have accepted a certain way of viewing women and men? I have recently heard people say that they support equality for women, but turn around and say something like "But, I wouldn't want a woman as a senior pastor because she'd be much too emotional when it came to 'that time of the month.'" Or, state that a women cannot speak as well publicly because women's voices are too grating. Or, if a girl dresses a certain way, she deserves to be raped. The first two comments are concerning. The last is appalling. All these comments are from educated, caring people..and yet what they claim to support is still not implemented in practice. That these ideas are reflective of our Christian community, as well as systems within our culture, makes me incredibly sad.

I wish I had a comprehensive answer for my questions. I don't. I do know that I choose to be a person that promotes change. I've silently called myself a feminist for quite a while. For me, acknowledging this description publicly allows me to challenge the status quo. In explaining myself to others, I challenge stereotypes and assumptions. It is simply my attempt to give a voice to upstream assumptions so critical to changing reality for both men and women, made in the image of our Creator God.

How about you? What are the upstream issues that concern you and what are you doing about it? I'd love to know.

What Does it Take to Change?

A friend of mine challenged me today as to whether the knowledge of the love of Christ actually changes the behavior of individuals.

As I've been dwelling on this question, I couldn't help but think of a poem I recently read recently in a terrific book, Exiles: Living Missionally in a Post-Christian Culture by Michael Frost (co-author of The Shaping of Things to Come, also an excellent book.)

The poem is a call to reckless courage; to stand up against the injustice inherent in our world. (The poem can be found on pages 20 & 21 of the book)

What is, therefore, the task of the preacher (or church) today?
Shall I answer: "Faith, hope and love"?
That sounds beautiful.
But I would say - Courage.
No, even that is not challenging enough to be the whole truth.
Our task today is recklessness.
For what we Christians lack is not psychology or literature,
we lack a holy rage.

The recklessness that comes from the knowledge of God and humanity.
The ability to rage when justice lies prostrate on the street...
and when the lie rages across the face of the earth -
a holy anger about things that are wrong in the world.
To rage against the ravaging of God's earth,
and the destruction of God's world.
To rage when little children must die of hunger,
when the tables of the rich are sagging with food.
To rage at the senseless killing of so many,
and against the madness of militaries.
To rage at the lie that calls the threat of death and the strategy of
destruction - Peace.
To rage against complacency.
To restlessly seek that recklessness that will challenge and seek to change
human history until it conforms with the norms of the Kingdom of
God.
And remember the signs of the Christian Church have always been -
The Lion, the Lamb, the Dove and the Fish...
but never the chameleon.

This poem inspires me, but the real test of inspiration is change. Does it arouse me enough to transform my behavior?

I've read a lot of stuff lately that has challenged me and poked holes in ideas and philosophies I've always held to. I'm inspired to change and yet the fact is that my behavior today is not significantly different than it was this time last year...or the year before. I feel like I approach the line of change, touch it with the tip of my toe, and then move back again, frightened of moving outside what I know. I become anxious when I consider change. My natural self pushes back when my lifestyle feels as if it is being squished or pulled into a new shape, a new form.

What must I do to take those necessary steps...to become reckless? Here are a couple thoughts that come to my mind:

1. I have to understand the recklessness of Christ's love for me. The radical nature of his sacrifice and the work of God through history to reconcile relationships between humanity and God is both overwhelming and challenging in its scope. There's no way when you spend time considering that type of love that you cannot also recognize that it calls for a change in you. That doesn't necessarily make the change easier, but it certainly makes it more difficult to ignore.
2. I have to make a commitment and share it with someone who will hold me accountable. I've learned I can talk big, but the fact is if I don't follow these steps, my words are full of emptiness.
3. I have to honor and celebrate the small steps. I find it easy to discount the small changes because I have not yet attained the end goal. But even the smallest of changes alter my overall trajectory. In the book, "Exiles", Frost talks about what he calls "New Realists". These folks understand that much of their lives appear as a hypocrisy, but they also recognize that awareness and ongoing change is the goal.

Today I recognize some small changes. I'm volunteering at a booth for the local Women's Crisis Center in a few weeks. I started making my own bread a couple weeks ago so that I could afford organic bread. My children and I are talking about what it means to serve Jesus. I'm paying attention to where the clothing I am purchasing is made. These are small steps. They are not changing the world. But they are steps I need to make and I celebrate them and thank God for moving in my heart to coax me out of a place of comfort into these steps on the journey.

God's Clothes

Our baby Robins started flapping their wings today, meaning they should be out of their nest in the next week or so. I shot this photo this afternoon, but the birds shied away quickly so I missed the flutter-practice.

Matthew 6:25-34 continues to capture my imagination.

This week I was reading Slaves, Women and Homosexuals by William J. Webb. In it, he exlpores what is called a "redemptive-trend" hermeneutic. As he looks at the creation and fall stories, he examines the clothing of Adam and Eve after the fall.

Genesis 3:21 states, "The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them." This description directly follows the curse. Per Webb, the clothing passage is not part of the curse, but rather the first sign of God's mercy toward humankind. God killed one of his own creation, that which he called "good", in order to cover the shame of Adam and Eve and begin drawing them back into relationship with him. Wow! I've always seen this as an afterthought almost...done primarily because they were embarrassed. The gravity of the situation and the starkness of God's gracious act toward Adam and Eve didn't quite sink in. The precedent for the sacrifical system was set by God.

As I thought about God clothing Adam and Eve in this way, my mind went back to the section in Matthew 6 where Jesus tells his disciples that if the flowers and grasses are clothed more beautifully than Solomon, then surely they can trust God to clothe them.

What does it mean to be clothed by God? That's a question I can't quite get my mind around.

Thoughts On Sphere Sovereignty

Last week we watched video 9 of the Truth Project. I’ve been mulling it over ever since. The “tour”, as each session is called in the series, addressed “the state”. In the course of the video, Dr. Tackett covered God’s design for the state, both its designed role and its responsibility in relationship with other areas of life (called spheres) such as church and family.

The strength of this particular tour is the emphasis that as followers of Christ, we are not to allow the state to become our king and our provider. God is that to us. Although not explicitly stated in the video, I also gleaned out of this week’s presentation that neither should we depend on the state to take care of that which God has called us to; caring for the poor, the widows and the orphans…the least of these.

The greatest weakness of this tour was the discussion of “sphere sovereignty.” This term was coined Abraham Kuyper, a Dutch theologian and statesman in the late 19th century. It was later further developed by Herman Dooyeweerd, among others. To state it very broadly and with only a couple hours of research under my belt, the idea was that God created the world with spheres and each holds its own inherent value and law that is sovereign to itself. Primary examples of these spheres are the state, church and family, but can also include arts, science, and education among others. (There is a lot of interesting material on sphere sovereignty. I recommend googling it and doing some reading on the subject if you’re at all interested).

At one point, Dr. Tackett states that there’s something the old western movies got right. He provides the illustration of a posse chasing someone who then runs into the local church. The posse does not breech the doors of the church as that is considered “God’s territory”, not the state’s. This is provided as a terrific example of appropriate sphere sovereignty. This is a very inadequate and, I would posit, incorrect understanding of sphere sovereignty. What the video failed to capture was that by harboring a criminal (assuming that the posse was actually chasing a “bad” guy”), the church was breaching the sovereignty appropriate to the state (term used loosely as “state” in that environment is much different than it is defined today).

One primary claim of the more conservative proponents of sphere sovereignty is that by funding education and/or healthcare, the state is overstepping the responsibility God gave this particular sphere. They state that this responsibility should rightly fall to the church or the family. Sounds like it makes sense, doesn’t it? But, then my mind is flooded with exceptions. The first that comes to mind is the recent problems of sexual abuse within the Catholic church. The church attempted to handle this within its own sphere, to the detriment of the children entrusted to this institution. I also think of the inner cities, which, if left to their own, lack the appropriate resources to provide education to their children, which is easily obtained by those in the wealthier suburbs. The question boils down to how we implement biblical principles with life in a consumer-driven, industrial, capitalist, modern/post-modern environment. It’s not as easy as saying, “Stay off my turf.”

My basic point is this, sphere sovereignty, as presented by the Truth Project, is problematic and not a great basis for a fully formed and informed Christian worldview.

To follow that up, I think it is imperative that each of us, both individually and collectively, should consider what our responsibility as Christian social agents should be in light of the various spheres in which we reside. Rather than pointing fingers at what other spheres should not be doing, I believe it would behoove us to ensure that we are fulfilling Jesus’ call to love God with all our heart, mind, soul and strength and to love others as ourselves.

The Birds of the Air

The kids are all down for naps this afternoon. We had a busy day yesterday and I know they're exhuasted, as am I.

I'm sipping a cup of coffee and looking out the window at our robin cozied up in her nest. Last year this robin made her nest at the roofline straight out our front door. She spent about a week gathering leaves, branches and such making a soft little bed for her and her babies. We can see directly down into the nest from my sons' bedroom window. We saw the three blue, speckled eggs, the wide-open hungry mouths of the baby birds, demanding food from mommy. They grew fat and fluffy until one day they stood on the edge of the nest, tentatively beat their wings and then flew away. We did not see them again...

Until about three weeks ago. The momma came back. She rebuilt the nest that sagged on the eaves from the heavy winter snow. She nestled herself into it, making sure of the right fit. And now she's waiting for her babies to grow big enough inside the eggs to make their appearance into the world.

As I watch her, I think of the scripture in Matthew, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" (Matt. 6:25-26 TNIV)

What is it to not worry in this context? I've always assumed it meant just to not worry, that God can take care of me, so I should trust him. It seems that reading it in context the "worry" here could also serve a broader category. In Matthew 5, we have the Sermon on the Mount, the Beattitudes and the beginning of almost three chapters of instruction and teaching by Jesus. He teaches on the fulfillment of the law, addresses murder and adultery of the heart, he chastises the Pharisees for their outward dilligence to the law without the right inward attitude.

Knowing that Jesus has just taught that the law has been fulfilled and begins to subvert the Law, as understood by the Pharisees, with a law of the heart in Jesus, what does trusting God look like? Just a few verses later, Jesus says, " Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; those who seek find; and to those who knock, the door will be opened. Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." (Matt 7:7-12, TNIV)

I think it all goes back to the state of our heart. I think Jesus is challenging those he is teaching to move past all the externals by which people measure successful faith and adherence to law. A changed life will not be found there. This "faith thing" is not a part-time hobby nor is it based on actions we perform. It's about the barest, most naked and ashamed parts of me opened to the One who provides change and hope and love. "Do not worry," God says, "If I care for this little robin, will I not care for you, the one whom I've made in my image, in my likeness, the one I formed in her mother's womb and laid out her days before her?"

God, as you care for this robin who finds a safe place in the eaves of our home, I ask you to work in my heart to trust you to care for me as well.

Stepping Stones

Our church is showing the Truth Project video series, sponsored by Focus on the Famiy. The videos are fairly well done. There are some things I don't agree with, or agree with the way in which it is presented, but it has been a challenging series for me as I watch, process and discuss the information within the group I'm part of for this series.

Last night's video was about history. Del Tackett, the speaker for the series, basically states that history has been or is being revamped by historical revisionists, who leave God out of the picture, or distort true history in order to prove a point. I thought it was pretty interesting, although I would add that often we as Christians do some historical distortion ourselves. I think that's part of history...the attempt to understand that history and then apply it within one's life.

Anyway, at the end of the video, Dr. Tacket quotes William Bradford, leader of the Pilgrims of the Plymouth colony. The quote states, "Last and not least, they (the Pilgrims) cherished a great hope and inward zeal of laying good foundations, or at least of making some way towards it, for the propogation and advance of the gospel of the kingdom of Christ in the remote parts of the world, even though they should be but stepping stones to others in the performance of so great a work."

Our discussion group had a terrific time mulling over this quote. The idea of my life being a "stepping stone" is so contrary to the individualist nature that permeates our culture today. We tend to see ourselves as islands, making our own destiny. Or maybe a moutain peak, resting on the shoulders of those who have gone before..but failing to recognize those who will come after.

There's amazing wisdom in acknowledging those who have gone before and those who will come after and humbly accepting a vision of being a "stepping stone" in history. Success, when defined in a vacuum, is personal and exclusive. It's about financial success, being "in the know" and very much individualistic in nature. Success, when viewed within history and a community of faith is much different. Financial success is balanced out against how the poor are cared for. Being "in the know" is balanced with love that acts upon knowledge for the benefit of those in need. Decisions today are made in conscious consideration of what has been done before and the impact these decisions will have on what comes after.

I struggle to view myself as a stepping stone. The very purpose of a stepping stone is that it be stepped on. Not all that appealling to me, quite frankly. But this thought also provides an odd freedom. I can see my life and my call in history, in community. My responsibility is not to change the world, but to stack my stone in the pile and let God change the world.

Holy Saturday

Having grown up within the Pentecostal church, we never really paid too much attention to Lent, Holy Week and such. It was pretty much all about the resurrection. This year, I've celebrated Lent and paid much closer attention to the church traditions as Easter has approached.

The resurrection is, of course, incredible...indescribable in what it means to a Christ-follower. It seems to me, though, that the magnitude of the resurrection is lost when not enconsed within the story of Christ's suffering and death.

I'm reminded of a book I recently read entitled How (Not) to Speak of God. In the book, he describes a community of Christ's disciples that upon his crucifixion pack up their belongings and head off. They form a new community far away and continue to follow the example of Jesus within that community. It is not until hundreds of years later that a missionary comes to their community and shares with them the story of the resurrection.

I wonder if I could do that. Could I live knowing that my savior, my rabbi was crucified and my dreams were crushed? As amazing as that story is, though, and the questions that it brings to my own heart, I also question whether that's missing the point. The resurrection is an integral part of God's plan for the redemption of humans to Godself.

For me, the critical middle ground lies in recognizing both the crucifixion and the resurrection. Apart from each other, the meaning of God's work on the earth cannot be adequately understood. Without understanding the suffering of Christ, we cannot begin to fathom the sacrifice and the love present in this amazing act. Without the resurrection, the redemption is incomplete and we are still bound to the law.

The following prayer is from The Divine Hours: Prayers for Springtime:

O God, creator of heaven and earth: grant that, as the crucified body of you dear son was laid to rest in the tomb and rested on this holy Sabbath, so I may await with him the coming of the third day, and rise with him to newness of life; who now lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, forever and ever. Amen.

I pray for all blessings on this Holy Saturday and for God's presence in our lives as we consider both the horrendous crucifixion of Good Friday and the joyous celebration of Easter Sunday. Amen.

Emerging Women's Gathering Recap

I just returned yesterday from the Emerging Women's Gathering in Oregon, IL. The gathering was organized and hosted by Julie Clawson & Sarah Notton, who did a fabulous job! Thanks, ladies!

The theme for the weekend was "Reimagining the Kingdom" and we had a lot of fun doing so in an actual castle. I was able to hook up with friends I met last year at the gathering outside Indianapolis, meet in person friends I've made via the Emerging Women's blog as well as meet some wonderful new friends.

As usual, it's difficult for me to put into words what times like this weekend mean to me. I went expecting, but also knowing that to receive, I needed to actively engage in the time as well. For an introvert in a new place, that can sometimes be difficult for me. But, enter and engage I did! I even tried sushi for the first time (not necessarily a spirtual thing, but fun and quite tasty)!

Through the course of the weekend, we were led in some new worship experiences including centering prayer, lectio devina, body prayer and the labyrinth. I enjoyed so much the wonderful freedom and reimagining of life and God that comes simply through stepping out in new experiences and finding God there.

As I remember the times I shared with the other women over meals, in workshops and just hanging out, I am profoundly grateful. It is beautiful when women share and encourage and engage each other in their spiritual jouneys. It's also an incredible experience to be in the midst of incredibly intelligent women discussing theology and the impact that theology has on our day-to-day activities; the process of reimagining and bringing that vision into reality within our lives. I am blessed to know that as I continue on my journey, my arms are linked with others who support me as I support them in our journey together.

Loving God vs. Loving Theology

This quote is from Jesus Creed, quoting Mark Allen Powell in another book (in progress, apparently at the time of writing):

We cannot have a relationship with our "christology" - we can
have a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Our "soteriology" cannot save us from our sins - our Savior can.

Our "ecclesiology" does not make us one - the Lord of the Church does.

Our "eschatology" will not transform this flawed universe - Jesus the
King of King and Prince of Peace will do that.

And, no matter how much we love "theology" - it will never love us back.

McNight closes this chapter by stating, "Only God in Christ loves us, and that is why believing is a relationship."

How TRUE! So often I pursue knowledge about God over relationship with God. It's easier for me to think about God, his qualities and how he interacts with humanity. It's much more difficult to translate that into an intimate relationship where I lay myself before him, trusting in God, believing...truly believing.

Emotional Health and the Christian

I'm trying to figure out what emotional health means to a follower of Christ.

We are called to love, to forgive, not to let the sun go down on our anger, when one cheek is slapped to allow the same for the other, when asked to carry a load one mile to offer two. Dwelling this list overwhelms me. I am failing miserably.

This week evidenced yet another cycle of abuse for a dear member of my family. I'm heartbroken that we're at this point again. I'm angry that the trust that has been built up and extended over the course of the last 6 months has been shattered. I'm scared that there is no hope, but long desperately for it. I'm tired. I'm so tired.

What is a Christian response in the midst of rough times? I'm not rejoicing in suffering, that much I know. I'm not wanting to offer to walk an extra mile, either. I want to protect myself. I want to set up a boundary, "I can go this far, but no further." I to protect myself from the pain, the hurt and the anger.

I think God understands how I feel. Right now, I think He is telling me to take a break and cuddle in his lap, my Abba. I think She is telling me that emotions are OK....that they are given by the Divine and are part of the way we reflect God's image. But, I'm not supposed to stop there. Grief and anger are human emotions that must ultimately submit to the God of the Universe. Without allowing that, they will become my gods and I will serve them.

What I Will Tell My Children

Tonight I participated in a very moving ceremony at our church entitled "Rites of Passage". For the last few years our church has sought to include youth in the corporate life of the church. Rites of Passage is the beginning of this quest. Over the course of a weekend, a youth (age 13-20 something) and her parents attend several special meetings culminating in a ceremony on Monday night with the congregation that welcomes her into adulthood. The youth have an opportunity to pray with their parents, with board members and with the pastor. It is truly powerful to participate in this process with these youth.

My heart soared tonight.

The speaker called the young men to stand and spoke into their lives. He called them to be men of responsibility, men with whom the women at the church could feel comfortable and safe. He called them to be warriors. He said they were made in God's image and God was a Warrior.

The speaker called the young women to stand and spoke into their lives. He called them to be women of virtue, princesses, daughters of the King. He told them that they should guard themselves lest they cause God's warriors to stumble. He encouraged them to behave modestly and to dress modestly. He told them that there were parts of their bodies only their husbands should ever see and that they shouldn't wear pants too low or shirts too low-cut. He didn't tell the young women that they are made in God's image. He didn't tell them a lot...

My heart broke tonight.

I wanted to stand and tell them! I wanted to hold their faces in my hands, look into their eyes and tell them that they are created in the image of God! Someone tell them that they are called to be God's warriors! They are called to love with God's unending compassion. They are called to so much more than they were told tonight. I know that's what our church body wants to tell them as well. It's just that so often conservative Christianity has underlying assumptions that we don't think about. We don't think about the subtle and not-so-subtle messages we give our children and how their faith is formed around these messages.

Tonight, I think of what I will tell my children; my two sons and my daughter:

You are created in the image of the Divine God. God has called you. You are to be passionate and you are to be strong in character. You are to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves and you are to shelter them under your wings like a mother hen. God wants you to use your gifts, the gifts given by him, to serve others and show them his mercy and love. You are to give of yourself in order to be made whole. You are called.

I pray for my all my children a faith strong enough for doubt, a will that seeks without end and a heart that loves without boundaries.

Cinderella Story

I've been reading a lot of princess stories...to my own little princess. It's amazing how long she sits still for a princess story.

But, as I'm reading it, I'm trying to reconcile to myself whether a cute story is just that, a cute story. Or, is it more? What am I teaching my daughter as I read the the pages of an innocent child's story?

For instance, the first pages of Cinderella tell of a little girl horribly wronged by her nasty stepmother and step sisters. And yet, in the midst of these wrongs, she remains kind an sweet. And in the end, the magic works her way and her life turns out perfect. It's all of our dreams, right? We're nice and we get what we want in the end. Yet how real is it? Not very.

My real question is how do you raise a little girl to be strong, passionate, sweet and give her the freedom to be who she is as a woman? Princess stories don't seem to cut it. So many girl stories are about sweet girls that pine for a lovely life married to a handsome man. Wanting a great man and a family is not so bad, it's just that it's not all there is.

How do I teach my daughter and sons to value the contributions, strengths and visions of men and women?

Perspective

I branched out past my comfort zone today and made muffins with my kids. Making muffins wasn't really the big deal, it was letting all three of my children help. I wish I could say I'm patient, but if I did, it would be a blatent lie. Between fighting over whose turn it is, spilling flour on the floor or putting sticky fingers in whatever it is we are making, I usually feel like I'm in a zoo with wild monkeys when I let them help. But we had a great time working together this morning. I'm glad I branched out.

As we were taking turns measuring pooring and mixing, I was letting Aaron, my oldest go first since he was closest to me. I was thinking to myself that I needed to let the others go first. So, when we went to stir in the cranberries, I gave the wooden spoon to Nate. Aaron then completely surprised me. He said, "Mom, I never get to go first." I was dumbfounded. Where had he been for the last 5 steps of our process? He got to go first each time.

He didn't remember though. It was when he was picked to go second that he paid attention to the order of turn-taking. It made me think. So many times I get protective of me; of where I'm at in a social situation, of how God or others are "treating" me. I wonder if I'm that blind to the real situation. I'm guessing I am.

Hmmm...

The Emotionally Healthy Church and Grieving

I've just finished a book called "The Emotionally Healthy Church". The book was recommended to me by my coach for the NCD process at our church.

It's a pretty good book, with the overarching premise that you cannot grow spiritually if you are not growning emotionally. Basically, you can do all the good in the world, but if not for the right reasons, you're not really growing spiritually.

There is one thought in the process that has captured my thoughts for the last week; Grieving is a gift given to me by God to deal with life's disappointments and hurts.

It's been a pretty rough few months for me. This fall we found out that one of our kids has a delay in motor development, possibly motor planning. My dad was in the hospital for 2 weeks as a result of a bad retroperiteneal bleed, my brother just had back surgery again and my husband's health has deteriorated as he's attempting a new treatment for diabetes. All of this in addition to trying to maintain a very busy life with our kids and too much commitment at church. I've pushed on in everything despite being tired, feeling overwhelmed and often times angry.

I have not allowed what has happened around me to penetrate my soul and incorporate it into who I am. I've held in on the outside, as if somehow it doesn't touch me. I'm not effected by it. I have not grieved.

I'd like to say I can press on, but that's just not true.

I am sad that Nate's developement is within the "normal" category. Actually, quite frankly, I'm disappointed that he's not at the top of the curve. The ability to get things done and general intelligence stuff is a big deal in my family. We're pretty competitive that way. Nate is very smart, but his way of doing life won't fit into most people's boxes. I'm sad about that. Not fitting into people's boxes can make life rough. I don't want that for him. And yet, when I put it on paper (so to speak) I don't really want him to fit in a box anyway. I really just want him to be happy. Right now he is. So, as I grieve, I want to show him that I love him for who he is, not who I wish he was.

I grieve for my dad, who has always been the picture of health. We all pray he will be that again. But in the process, I have new awareness that my parents are aging and I think it stinks! I want to have them forever, but I am learning to truly enjoy them now.

I grieve for my brother and his family. Life has dealt them a series of blows and I'm pissed of about it. They need time to heal. They need time to learn to deal with the "little" things in life, rather than always dealing with crises. I pray for them peace and strength. I pray that I can support and not feel responsible for who they become in the process.

I grieve for Eddie. Eddie's the coolest guy and the most incredible husband. I want health for him. I feel angry that he has to deal with this disease and that as a result, our family does as well.

So, with my dirty laundry on the table, the question I have for myself is how do I incorporate these disapponitments into my life rather than continuing to push them out? I'm not quite sure. I've started with a good cry. Hopefully God will meet me here.