Working "Upstream" and becoming a Feminist

I found the following quote in the quarterly newsletter from the local women's shelter.

One day a woman was walking along a river and was astonished to see many women struggling in the water. She saw some people pulling the drowning women out of the river. The woman thought for moment, then she ran upstream to find out why the women were falling in the water in the first place and to do something about it." - Source Unknown

I've run into a couple blog conversations latelely, one at CBE and the other at Amateur Theology, that end up addressing, at some level, what those "upstream issues" might be.

The CBE discussion centers around a law passed last year in Spain mandating that crosswalk signs equally balance pictures of men and women. The discussion tended toward how they were to characterize the woman sign (wearing a skirt and hair up in a pony-tail). The question also came up as to the many other worthy efforts towards equality this money could have been used towards.

At Amateur Theology, a discussion on feminism garnered a comment about going too far by some in signing a card "from women and men of such and such." Geoff gave a terrific reply that addressed just what the quote above is referring to.

As I read the newsletter from the Women's Crisis and Family Outreach Center, I couldn't help but ask what can we do to change the upstream issues. Are changing street signs that important? Maybe. Is it important to sometimes change up what might be a common idiom to be purposeful in raising awareness of equality? Quite possibly. I think both of these efforts are a good start to challenging culture to change assumptions. Will either of these, by themselves, stop some of the downstream issues such as rape and abuse? Unfortunately, not anytime soon.

So, what else can we do to change ingrained stereotypes? How do we challenge a status quo in which we have accepted a certain way of viewing women and men? I have recently heard people say that they support equality for women, but turn around and say something like "But, I wouldn't want a woman as a senior pastor because she'd be much too emotional when it came to 'that time of the month.'" Or, state that a women cannot speak as well publicly because women's voices are too grating. Or, if a girl dresses a certain way, she deserves to be raped. The first two comments are concerning. The last is appalling. All these comments are from educated, caring people..and yet what they claim to support is still not implemented in practice. That these ideas are reflective of our Christian community, as well as systems within our culture, makes me incredibly sad.

I wish I had a comprehensive answer for my questions. I don't. I do know that I choose to be a person that promotes change. I've silently called myself a feminist for quite a while. For me, acknowledging this description publicly allows me to challenge the status quo. In explaining myself to others, I challenge stereotypes and assumptions. It is simply my attempt to give a voice to upstream assumptions so critical to changing reality for both men and women, made in the image of our Creator God.

How about you? What are the upstream issues that concern you and what are you doing about it? I'd love to know.

A Stranger Becomes a Friend

I had to take my 3 year old daughter to the hospital for blood work and and x-rays associated with a sprained knee today. She's been limping for a week, so we figured it was time to make sure it wasn't something serious. She did great, especially since we ended up spending over three hours just waiting. We also received a good report, no inflammation and no break. Hurray!

While we were there, though, we met an amazing lady. "Miss Betty" came over to say hello after Elianna started grinning in her direction. Betty is probably in her early 70s. I was nervous when she came over. I don't feel like I measure up to the moms of my grandma's generation. I had nothing to fear, though. She was an absolutely lovely lady. When, in embarrassment, I mentioned that the blanket needed washed, she graciously replied that blankets aren't nearly as special when they're clean. As we continued our conversation, she shared that she worked for 17 years with the City of Denver as an advocate for women filing lawsuits associated with workplace discrimination. At the time, she needed to work as her husband was unable to support the family. She told me that she prayed that if she needed to work, she wanted to do something she was passionate about. She obviously found just that. Betty told me about what an amazing time it was working in that office; of the successes and the difficulty in some of the cases that didn't go so well.

We continued talking for a while. A stranger became a friend, if only for a few minutes in a hospital waiting room.

CBE Recap

I had the awesome opportunity to attend the Christians for Biblical Equality (CBE) International Conference this weekend. This year the conference venue was here in Denver. I couldn't let them visit my city without attending!

I had several take-aways from the weekend.

The first was gratefulness for friendships. I met up with a group of ladies there, one of whom I met at the Emerging Women's Gathering outside Chicago this last March. Sara is a terrific person (and a wonderful advertisement for Bethel Seminary, by the way). She is also a brilliant woman who wrote and presented a paper on Job Daughter's that is quite challenging. Her friends, Teralyn and Liz were just as wonderful. I had a terrific time renewing a friendship and beginning more. Who knows when we might meet again!

I also had the opportunity to bask in the work of people who have given their lives toward the cause of gender justice. I met Alvera Mickelson. She described herself as a spritely 88 years. She reminded me so much of my own grandmother, and yet my Grandma does not have a view anywhere near Alvera's. Alvera was also quite a firecracker and a whole lot of fun to have in workshop sessions. For those of you unaware of Alvera Mickelson's work, just type in her name at amazon.com.

The conference, not surprisingly, was weighted heavier on women than men. But there was a pretty good representation of men. There was also reasonable representation of minority groups. It was definitely a conference-style, but they went out of their way to try to bring in different elements in the form of art and music. I also liked that besides focusing on gender equality, the theme of the conference was "Seeking Justice and Loving Mercy" and touched on other areas of justice as well.

I think my favorite speaker was Kevin G. Giles. His presentation on "The Eternal Subordination of the Son and the Permanent Subordination of Women" addressed a topic that often comes up in conversation in my realm of the world, at least when it comes to women's place in the home and the church. He had a powerful presentation and answered many of my own questions. And besides that, he was not politically correct about the current proposal submitted by Wayne Gruden concerning the eternal subordination of the Son. It was both an informative and fun workshop session.

Overall, my biggest take-away was history. I looked around the room and saw many, many people in the over-60 crowd. A large portion of these were the founders of CBE and fought for gender justice at a time when it was much more controversial than it is for me today. I am so blessed by the heritage they have left for me and others like me. Thank you to the many who have fought, who have considered the voices of women valuable and worth defending. Their vision and passion make me realize that I cannot let their vision die.

What I Will Tell My Children

Tonight I participated in a very moving ceremony at our church entitled "Rites of Passage". For the last few years our church has sought to include youth in the corporate life of the church. Rites of Passage is the beginning of this quest. Over the course of a weekend, a youth (age 13-20 something) and her parents attend several special meetings culminating in a ceremony on Monday night with the congregation that welcomes her into adulthood. The youth have an opportunity to pray with their parents, with board members and with the pastor. It is truly powerful to participate in this process with these youth.

My heart soared tonight.

The speaker called the young men to stand and spoke into their lives. He called them to be men of responsibility, men with whom the women at the church could feel comfortable and safe. He called them to be warriors. He said they were made in God's image and God was a Warrior.

The speaker called the young women to stand and spoke into their lives. He called them to be women of virtue, princesses, daughters of the King. He told them that they should guard themselves lest they cause God's warriors to stumble. He encouraged them to behave modestly and to dress modestly. He told them that there were parts of their bodies only their husbands should ever see and that they shouldn't wear pants too low or shirts too low-cut. He didn't tell the young women that they are made in God's image. He didn't tell them a lot...

My heart broke tonight.

I wanted to stand and tell them! I wanted to hold their faces in my hands, look into their eyes and tell them that they are created in the image of God! Someone tell them that they are called to be God's warriors! They are called to love with God's unending compassion. They are called to so much more than they were told tonight. I know that's what our church body wants to tell them as well. It's just that so often conservative Christianity has underlying assumptions that we don't think about. We don't think about the subtle and not-so-subtle messages we give our children and how their faith is formed around these messages.

Tonight, I think of what I will tell my children; my two sons and my daughter:

You are created in the image of the Divine God. God has called you. You are to be passionate and you are to be strong in character. You are to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves and you are to shelter them under your wings like a mother hen. God wants you to use your gifts, the gifts given by him, to serve others and show them his mercy and love. You are to give of yourself in order to be made whole. You are called.

I pray for my all my children a faith strong enough for doubt, a will that seeks without end and a heart that loves without boundaries.

Cinderella Story

I've been reading a lot of princess stories...to my own little princess. It's amazing how long she sits still for a princess story.

But, as I'm reading it, I'm trying to reconcile to myself whether a cute story is just that, a cute story. Or, is it more? What am I teaching my daughter as I read the the pages of an innocent child's story?

For instance, the first pages of Cinderella tell of a little girl horribly wronged by her nasty stepmother and step sisters. And yet, in the midst of these wrongs, she remains kind an sweet. And in the end, the magic works her way and her life turns out perfect. It's all of our dreams, right? We're nice and we get what we want in the end. Yet how real is it? Not very.

My real question is how do you raise a little girl to be strong, passionate, sweet and give her the freedom to be who she is as a woman? Princess stories don't seem to cut it. So many girl stories are about sweet girls that pine for a lovely life married to a handsome man. Wanting a great man and a family is not so bad, it's just that it's not all there is.

How do I teach my daughter and sons to value the contributions, strengths and visions of men and women?

Book Review

OK...so the stay-at-home mom has come up with something to be published on "The Ooze". Do you think they'll find me out...(really a wanna-be smart person in a stay-at-home mom body)! :)

Book Review

Declaration for Women

I just received the newsletter from our community Women's Crisis Center and it included a declaration from the Faith Trust Institute. The declaration is signed by several religious leaders, including Brian McLaren.

I shared it with my pastor and it sounds liken he's going to highlight this declaration as well as the local statistics on domestic violence and our opportunity to get involved with the local crisis center. We're doing this Sunday, November 19th (November 25th is International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women).

Declaration

Entirely Possible?

It's been a good week. Despite a crazy, busy schedule, Thursday night was a family jam/dance session in the basement and last night was wrestling mania. I feel balance when "work" (in all it's various forms) is balanced with familiy needs.

I've been thinking about that balance this week after reading an article in a minstry journal. The particular volume is focused on women in ministry, but this article is titled, "What's a Ministry Wife To Do?" I found the title interesting considering the focus of the volume, so decided to read more. Much of what was said was valuable; we all have a story, our call to serve people in ministry comes from following those who have taught us and from jumping in ourselves, that the most important people in the world are those we're called to serve.

My sensitivies were aroused when I read the following; "My mother, an ordained minister, took seriously the preaching and teaching part of ministry, but you can be sure the roast beef dinner was ready to adorn the pre-set table right after Sunday morning service. She did it all and loved it." The article was closed out with, "An integration of ministry and family is entirely possible."

Probably as a result of my current commitments, I'm not so sure about that integration being possible or whether it looks like what this particular author has described. My mom was terrific at having Sunday dinner ready. I, on the other hand, lean towards left-overs from Friday's pizza nights or PB&J sandwhiches for after-church fare. I don't think I can manage the role of perfection in all these areas. In fact, I'm pretty sure I can't come close!

I do know that what I do, I want to do in service to God. Some days that means my family gets less of me so that I can fulfill needs in another area. Other days, ministry and other work commitments are laid to the side so that I can be an effective mom and wife. Integration, for me, is an ongoing and constant challenge and most of the time I feel pulled in several directions and feel as if I am not doing well in anything.

So, is integration possible? I would say yes...but the integration balances out in weeks/months sometimes rather than hours or minutes. Is it "entirely possible"? I'm thinking not so much.