Conversation on the Way to the Movies

My almost 7-year-old: Mom, does God know everything I'm going to do?

Me: Explain to me what your thinking, please.

7 year old: Well, does God control us kind of like a puppet or a remote control car?

Me: People have different interpretations of what scripture says about that. Some people believe that God knows every decision we're going to make and others believe that God gives us freedom to make decisions and then works with the decisions we make to fulfill God's purposes.

7 year old: What do you believe, Mom?

Me: I believe that God allows us to make decisions and then works with those decisions.

7 year old: I think I believe both.

Me: Really. Explain that to me.

7 year old: Well, God puts thoughts in our head to help us make the right decisions. So, that helps us make God's decisions and still make up our own mind. Hey, Mom! I just created a 3rd option. My option includes everyone.

Me: Wow.

(We finished the evening off with watching Horton Hears a Who...fitting after our conversation).

Learning Styles, Modern Boxes & Christian Responsibility

I mentioned in a recent post my process of motherhood and learning to understand and appreciate the way my middle child does life.

Nate has been diagnosed with learning disabilities, mostly in the area of motor development, but we're also monitoring him for what is called "motor planning." Motor planning is the process of organizing items or ideas sequentially or in logical order. For instance, if you ask Nate, "Why do you use an umbrella?", his answer will likely be, "So you don't get wet." Well, according to the system, the appropriate answer is "Because it's raining." There was a step in the process that was missed...the rain needs to be mentioned before the getting wet part.

So, this brings me to a book I've been reading, Intuitive Leadership by Tim Keel. In this book, Keel tells a bit of his own story and that of his church, Jacob's Well, in Kansas City. He talks about the process of moving within a traditional church model and having an ongoing sense of discomfort. This discomfort urged him, forced him, to do church differently than how he had previously experienced it. Keel has some great thoughts in his book and I consider it a excellent synopsis of several ideas and practices in the emerging church movement. There is one area, though, that stopped me.

On page 126, Keen, drawing on the writings of Neil Postman and Marshall McLuhan, summarized three crises in Western educational systems. The first of these occurred in the 5th century BC, when Athens moved from an oral to written tradition. Moving from a culture of iconic images and stories to writing eventually, combined with the printing press, developed in the 16th century (the 2nd crisis) strongly contributed to a very left brain approach to learning. Getting to the point, on page 130, Keel states "It turns out that linear, sequential, analytic ways of knowing are processed in one part of our brain, or more accurately one hemisphere of our brain; the left hemisphere. Over the last several hundred years that make up modern history, the right brain was left to atrophy. In the emerging culture of the postmodern world we occupy, the use of the right hemisphere of the human brain is making a comeback."

Now, back to Nate. About November of last year, he started begging us to let him play piano. So, I finally signed him up for a "Little Mozart's Music Class" through our local recreation center. In the period of 5 weeks I have seen things click for Nate in a way I have never seen this happen. He loves music, he begs to practice and do his music homework, he never complains about it. Amazingly to me, the stuff that is clicking in music is immediately transferring over to other areas. His writing and coloring skills and his attention span have both improved significantly. Besides that, I see confidence and insight that I knew existed in him, but hadn't really seen manifest itself. For instance, our keyboard has several pre-programmed songs in it. One of them is "What Child is This?". The song is in a minor key. One day Nate was playing around on the keyboard and when this song came on, he looked at me and said, "Mom, this is a sad song, isn't it?" He also now makes up stories to go with the music we're listening to.

It was my turn to have something click. Nate's "disabilities" have been labeled such because he does not fit into the educational/learning boxes currently available through public schools. The goals set up in most of today's school environments are driven by left brain processing. In this way, by labeling Nate with a disability, he is given the help he needs to exist in an environment that is not his natural home. In reality, Nate does not so much have a disability as a different approach to learning and doing life. Nate's answer to why you need an umbrella is the right answer. Just because he didn't get to it through the same process as I might, doesn't negate it's truth.

It makes me realize anew how easy it is to make a category and label anything outside that category as unusual, odd, or simply wrong. It's a pretty natural thing to create those boxes. It might be, as in Nate's case, education. It could be a myriad of other things. My job as Nate's mom is to be his advocate, the person who understands him and balances some odd line of encouraging him and also working with the system on his behalf. It's certainly not a fine science, but it's ongoing goal.

I wonder if that's part of what we are called to as Christians. Understanding that boxes don't always work and that their are people who don't fit and need our help. They might be outside our churches, I'm pretty sure they're sitting in our churches. I know that I often fall into that category.

Satisfaction

Last night Eddie went out on a date thanks to good friends who we swap childcare with (Thanks Brian & Tanya)! We stuffed ourselves on Mexican food and then went to the bookstore.

These days I generally buy books on amazon.com. There's nothing like a good evening at the bookstore, though. I spent the evening walking around reading titles, peaking inside books. I walked away with my own little stack and am so excited to start reading! So, the new books in my libary are:

Surprised by Hope: Rethinking Heaven, the Resurrection, and the Mission of the Church by N.T. Wright - I haven't read any of N.T. Wright yet, but have heard wonderful things so I'm excited to start this book

Fugitive Denim: A Moving Story of People and Pants in the Borderless World of Global Trade by Rachel Louise Snyder - This book takes a look at the intricate nature of global trade in mapping the process of making a pair of jeans, specifically in this case, jeans that ensure fair wages for the workers and minimal environmental impact. It should be an interesting read.

Coaching People by Harvard Business School Press - I'm leading a volunteer and leadership development process at our church and I'm hoping this little book gives some good tips for coaching.

I purchased two books by Henri Nouwen, Spiritual Direction and Finding My Way Home - I've also heard great thing about Nouwen, so am eager to start these as well.

All in all, I have to say I feel quite satisfied this evening.

Closed Hand, Open Hand

I tend to be a person with a closed hand. As a natural introvert, I’ve always tended to need space of my own to reenergize. Add to that, as a teenager, we moved around quite a bit (4 states in two years between 8th & 10th grades). Throw those two things together and, at least for me, you get a person that is pretty reserved in relationships. It’s like I have something in my brain that says, “Hey, you’re going to move again soon anyway, so don’t count on this.” Never mind that I’ve now lived in one place for eleven years. (Surely that’s irrelevant, right)?

I find my hand is closed because it protects me. If I don’t place all of me on the table, then there’s a bit of safety in the wiggle room I’ve created for myself. And yet, I hear this beckoning for something more. I see the close relationships of people who have given years to each other in friendship and I wonder what that would be like.

But, then I shrink back again. An open hand is open to the fullness of relationship. It is also open to the hurt that comes when you’re standing in the middle of an open field during a lightning storm. Ouch, that’s gotta hurt!

There’s a song by Natasha Bedingfield that I’ve really enjoyed lately called “Wild Horses”. There a line in the chorus that says, “Wild Horses I want to be like you. Throwing caution to the wind, I run free too.” I love that image. It sounds so beautiful and free. I imagine a warm beach and the horses running a long, their manes whipping in the breeze. The reality is that despite the freedom of the horses, not everything is a lovely jaunt on the beach. There are hurricanes, the constant hunt for food and the ever-present danger of being caught that make the life of a wild horse much less idyllic than this song supposes.

So, that’s the reality I need to navigate. As someone who believes in relationship, I have to be willing to open my hand and accept both the beauty and the pain that arises in that vulnerability.

Beautiful Glimpses of Wholeness

Jemila wrote an excellent post yesterday that encapsulates so many of my own thoughts about parenting, personal fulfillment and what it means to truly give of myself and yet retain something of myself as well (thanks, as always, for your beautiful words, Jemila).

I have realized that there is nothing like being a mother to bring out my own insecurities. This can be particularly true with my middle child. He's so much like me in many ways, especially as I was as a child. He has some stuff he struggles with and I tend to really push him and worry, fret and cause more problems for him because of my own issues.

In the last couple weeks, I feel like I've been given little peeks into who Nate is and what makes him tick that have allowed me to step back and "get it". I love it. He doesn't do life in a way that I can measure. He doesn't do life in a way that is easily measured by anyone, really. And yet, inside this little person is this amazing strength, creativity and stamina.

As a mom, I'm learning to release expectations that are unattainable for my children. I'm learning to stop long enough to figure out my own stuff before I load it down on my kids. In the midst of that, I am able to enjoy their strengths, gifts and incredible personalities.