Where are we going again? A look at Deuteronomy 8

I distinctly remember being 15 years old and sitting in my room in our little rental house in Missoula, MT. The carpet as an old green shag and the window looked out to a pretty garden and the hills just outside the city. I opened my Bible, daring God to show me that he actually had a plan in the chaos of my life. We were just a couple nights away from our 3rd move in 2 years. That would be four different states and a total of five different Junior High and High Schools in that same period. I was angry and overwhelmed.

I flicked the Bible open to Deuteronomy, thinking God was going to have a pretty rough time talking to me through THAT book of the Bible. Little did I know...

I opened up to Deuteronomy 8 and stopped at verse 7, utterly amazed at what I read.

I am bringing you to a good land; a land of stream beds full of water, a land of springs and deep rivers flowing out from the valleys and the hills. (my translation).

That's one moment in my life that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God cared about me. I was an insecure, self-absorbed, desperate teen and God cared enough about me to meet me in that corner room with the shag carpet, to comfort me and let me know that despite the unknown and my personal fears, God was bringing me to a good place. And it was just that. It was a good place.

In the book of Deuteronomy, the people are called to "remember" what God has done for them over and over again. God had miraculously worked on behalf of the Hebrew people in bringing them out of Egypt, in providing for them in the wilderness and was now preparing them to enter the land of promise. The call to remember was essentially a call to worship. Remembering what God has done plays the same role in our lives. As I look into our future wondering what it will entail and feel those same sensations of insecurity I did way back when, I also remember the times God met me and guided me in the past. I can trust God. I know that the place I am going will be a "good land."

More thoughts on Deuteronomy 8 to come...

Trying this again!

I'm taking up blogging again. The reality is that life has been busy and blogging simply had to fall of the list.

We're entering a new stage of life at the moment and frankly, I need blogging again. Even as an introvert, I'm an external processor.

Sunday was our last day as official members of the church we've been part of for the last 11 years. It was the church we came to as newlyweds and the church that each of our children have grown up in. It was the community of believers I imagined us being part of for years to come. Through a series of events and emotions, both my husband and I came to the conclusion that God has closed this chapter of our life and it is time to embark on a new leg of the journey.

Did I mention that I enjoy comfortable surroundings and really don't relish change?

I am actually quite excited. We sincerely love the faith community we've been a part of. They have contributed to our lives and our spiritual development in amazing ways. We're excited about the future, though. We're taking some time "off" to pray and evaluate what it is that God is directing us towards. We're excited to include the kids in this process.

So, I'll be sharing the steps we take along the journey. This will again be my "stopping spot."

Estes Park and Revelation

We were up in Estes Park last weekend for some much needed vacation time. I took this shot as Eddie and the kids were looking out over Bierstadt Lake. I love Estes Park.

On Saturday morning, Eddie got the boys up at 5:30 am to take them fishing down at Lake Estes. I read for a while and then got ready, all while my daughter slept in. I was loving the time with my mug of coffee, journal and a quiet house. Except for the birds squawking outside the window. It wasn't a sweet chirping I was hearing. So, I took a peak out the window and was surprised to see a young Robin perched on the side of a tree, rather awkwardly. I'm pretty sure we'd seen that same one hiding under a plant the afternoon. Evidently, it hadn't quite gotten the flying thing down yet. Then as I was watching, an adult Robin came hurtling down, straight at this little one. It took one sweep past with a loud, bullying-type chirp. It flew back up and made a quick turn for another swoop. I'd never seen anything quite like it and quickly realized this was probably a parent. It didn't hurt the bird. It was trying to get it to fly.

Honestly, I was a bit offended on behalf of the little bird at first. My goodness, give the little thing a break. But soon that thought was pushed out by the realization that the Robin has to fly. If it continues to camp out under the bush we found it in yesterday, it will soon be dinner for another animal. Flying is not an optional exercise for the Robyn. It's a critical skill. The parent is simply being a good Robin parent...doing what needs to be done to help its offspring survive.

So, I started wondering what this looked like for me. As a parent, what are the critical skills I want to teach my children...the ones that impact their ultimate character development? And then I had to ask myself, how much time I spend dive-bombing my children for the non-critical. I'll be honest. Too much. I want to focus on two primary things; loving God and loving others. Like flying, there are numerous other skills they need to develop and practice to succeed in these, but that's my goal. And fortunately for me, I think it can be accomplished without dive-bombing.

Reading Expectations

Three whole months of summer lie ahead. I'm sure by the time we're done, I'll be ready to get back into the schedule the school year creates for us, but for the moment, I'm full of anticipation.

Right now, I'm most excited about two books I received in the mail today, Justification: God's Plan & Paul' Vision by N.T. Wright and Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel. There's nothing quite like opening a new book. The potential of the reading experience is palpable. The smell of paper and ink, looking through the index...mmmmm... I ask myself how this book might challenge me, urge me to change, make me think? At what points might I laugh, nod my head in acknowledgment or shake my head in disagreement? I'll find out soon, but until then, the anticipation of the reading experience is waiting for me.

If you have any great reading suggestions, please let me know!

It's a cool day out. I was going to do some gardening, but the clouds are threatening rain and I'm not quite sure I want to be gardening in that. The fact is, I'm tired and I really don't want to do much. Unfortunately for me, the many things I put off as I was preparing for my Hebrew final are now all screaming out for my attention. Did I mention I'm tired?

The last couple weeks have been beautiful. The meeting with the school concerning our middle son's reevaluation for special services went fantastic, far better than I had anticipated. He scored average or above in all academic areas and in cognitive testing, he actually tested high average to significantly high, specifically in certain reasoning areas. I was thrilled for my son (and honestly for us, too). Those results changed the playing field. It wasn't an option to hold him back. It gave proof to what we've known all along, he's a smart kid. His learning style is not the best for a traditional classroom, but he's learning and "getting it". We're going to see how next year goes and then see if any changes need to be made that would make school fit better for him. In the mean time, my favorite part of the meeting was talking to his speech and OT teachers. They simply love him and "get" him...and that is balm to my heart.

Hebrew is over until next Fall and I decided not to take summer classes. Despite the fact that I'm only taking one class at a time right now, I need a break! I think my family needs a break, too. The kids have a long summer because their school is getting renovated over the break and I can tell that they need my attention...my physical and mental presence very palpable in their lives this summer. I'm anticipating and dreading the summer all at once. My oldest has hit this odd stage in the transition out of 2nd grade and it's a new one for us. It's made a big impact on how he relates with the rest of us. I'm glad to have summer to hunker down as a family without school influences and "relearn" and grown together.

Eddie and I had a great talk last night. We have some big decisions to make, ones that seem to draw all the energy out of me at the moment. I'm so thankful for my husband.

Well, there's my ramblings for today. As much as I wanted to garden today, I'm thankful for the overcast skies and the threat of rain. Maybe that's my sign that I need to take this opportunity to rest. I think that's just what I'll do.

Mother's Day Ruminations

I knew going into the day that it just wasn't going to be about me. The fact that both boys' soccer games from two weeks ago had to be rescheduled for Mother's Day because of snow made that clear. I was ready for that, though. I pictured nice Spring skies and pleasant children...

The kids were horribly cranky yesterday. To ensure my idealist Mother's Day, I made sure they were in bed by 7 p.m. I felt glorious when five minutes later they had all snoozed off. Despite my best efforts, they still woke up with the crabbies this morning, whining and bickering resonating within every room they entered. I have to admit that my voice rose amidst their cacophony a couple times, but didn't seem to slow their driving beat.

Soccer game one came amidst a drizzle of rain and soggy fields...cold. Following a hard kick to the chest it took all of mommy's convincing and the promise of a lollipop back at home to convince Nate to get himself back out on the field to help out his team-mates who were already playing short one player. We made a quick stop at my parents to wish my Mom a happy day, and then headed to soccer game two. The sun poked through twice during the game, making my hopes rise for a change in the direction of the day. Come on, I'll settle with half an ideal day!!

Not to be so. The game was lost, the clouds gathered back to steal the sun away...and with it my dreams. Just as the clouds regrouped, so did the crabby attitudes of my children. By the time my dear husband presented dinner, I just wanted to sneak away and escape, feeling bitter and dejected that yet again, there is no day to rest. No day to gain sanity and peace, restoration in the heart of a mother.

After dinner and with much complaining, I sat myself down with my oldest son to read. You see, he'd waited until the end of the quarter to finish up his required reading for school. At this point, I'm frustrated, tireed and really just want a bath and to go to bed. But, the day's gone anyway, so why not just sacrifice the rest of it. So, we hunker down on the couch and I read to him, then he reads to me, and then my turn again. Before I know it, we're laughing together. He snuggles in to me as we read and looks at me with the all the love an 8-year old boy has in his heart for his mother and says, "Mom, this is the perfect Mother's Day." In that moment, I realize it is exactly that and am profoundly grateful.

Carpool Blessings

I was pretty anxious about this school year. I have a 2nd grader, Kindergartner and preschool. The schedules overlap and, of course, there's lots on the schedule. Carpools to the rescue. We are part of three carpools this year...one for each of the kids. I was a bit stressed out about that, wondering if I could keep up with it all.

It's turned out to be a marvelous blessing to us in many, many ways. Saving me time and gas money is probably the least important of all. My Preschooler and Kindergartner are best-friends with their carpool buddies. The moms have been life-savers to me. When Eddie and I went for a long weekend for our anniversary, one of the moms came to the rescue when my mom lost the keys to our van. In last minute jams, there are friends ready and willing to step in to help.

Three weeks ago, I spoke with my Kindergartner's teacher about how he's been doing. Great news...he's right where he needs to be. For those of you who know my kiddo, this is great news. He's struggled a bit and has some motor-development delays. Preschool was an aweful experience and we were not looking forward to this year. I was thrilled with the report...and then quickly deflated as she proceeded to tell me about concerns she has for next year, mostly related to his attention and speed (meaning he does everything slowly). I felt anxious and a little disturbed that this hadn't been addressed earlier in the year and quickly decided to talk to one of my carpool moms. As a former Pre-K-2nd grade teacher, she has graced me with ideas, resources and feedback that have been critical to decisions about next year.

I can't help but laugh as I look back at my fear of navigating this school year's transportation needs. All I needed was a ride for my kids, but instead I've been graced with the wisdom, support and grace of really amazing women.