Working "Upstream" and becoming a Feminist

I found the following quote in the quarterly newsletter from the local women's shelter.

One day a woman was walking along a river and was astonished to see many women struggling in the water. She saw some people pulling the drowning women out of the river. The woman thought for moment, then she ran upstream to find out why the women were falling in the water in the first place and to do something about it." - Source Unknown

I've run into a couple blog conversations latelely, one at CBE and the other at Amateur Theology, that end up addressing, at some level, what those "upstream issues" might be.

The CBE discussion centers around a law passed last year in Spain mandating that crosswalk signs equally balance pictures of men and women. The discussion tended toward how they were to characterize the woman sign (wearing a skirt and hair up in a pony-tail). The question also came up as to the many other worthy efforts towards equality this money could have been used towards.

At Amateur Theology, a discussion on feminism garnered a comment about going too far by some in signing a card "from women and men of such and such." Geoff gave a terrific reply that addressed just what the quote above is referring to.

As I read the newsletter from the Women's Crisis and Family Outreach Center, I couldn't help but ask what can we do to change the upstream issues. Are changing street signs that important? Maybe. Is it important to sometimes change up what might be a common idiom to be purposeful in raising awareness of equality? Quite possibly. I think both of these efforts are a good start to challenging culture to change assumptions. Will either of these, by themselves, stop some of the downstream issues such as rape and abuse? Unfortunately, not anytime soon.

So, what else can we do to change ingrained stereotypes? How do we challenge a status quo in which we have accepted a certain way of viewing women and men? I have recently heard people say that they support equality for women, but turn around and say something like "But, I wouldn't want a woman as a senior pastor because she'd be much too emotional when it came to 'that time of the month.'" Or, state that a women cannot speak as well publicly because women's voices are too grating. Or, if a girl dresses a certain way, she deserves to be raped. The first two comments are concerning. The last is appalling. All these comments are from educated, caring people..and yet what they claim to support is still not implemented in practice. That these ideas are reflective of our Christian community, as well as systems within our culture, makes me incredibly sad.

I wish I had a comprehensive answer for my questions. I don't. I do know that I choose to be a person that promotes change. I've silently called myself a feminist for quite a while. For me, acknowledging this description publicly allows me to challenge the status quo. In explaining myself to others, I challenge stereotypes and assumptions. It is simply my attempt to give a voice to upstream assumptions so critical to changing reality for both men and women, made in the image of our Creator God.

How about you? What are the upstream issues that concern you and what are you doing about it? I'd love to know.

Celebration of Love

Today my husband and I celebrate nine years of marriage. To be quite honest, the last year has had some significant bumps in the midst of good times. The eight years before had their own issues as well. We are coming to understand each other as we are rather than the person we would like the other to be.

I've been reflecting on what it means to love in the context of marriage. While reading a book, Exiles, I came across a quote by Madeleine L'Engle that seems to describe love as I have come to understand it.

My love for my husband and his for me is in that unknown, underwater area of ourselves where our separations become something new and strange, merge and penetrate like the drops of water in the sea. But we do not lose our solitudes, our our particularity, and we become more than we could alone.

This is mystery. I cannot explain it. But I have learned that it makes up for our clashes, our differences in temperament, our angers, our withdrawals, our failures to understand.

No long-term marriage is made easily, and there have been times when I've been so angry or so hurt that I thought my love would never recover. And then, in the midst of near despair, something has happened beneath the surface. A bright little flashing of hope has flicked silver fins and the water is bright and suddenly I am returned to a state of love again-till next time.

I've learned that there will always be a next time, and that I will submerge in darkness, but that I won't stay submerged. And each time something has been learned under the waters; something has been gained; and a new kind of love has grown. The best I can ask for is that this love, which has been built on countless failures, will continue to grow. I can say no more than that this is mystery, and gift, and that somehow or other, through grace, our failures can be redeemed and be blessed.

Today we celebrate the blessing that comes with nine years of joys and failures, of fulfillment and disappointment, of unity and of seemingly uncompromising division. We celebrate the bravery in continuing to travel together. In that place we find the mystery, we find love, we find each other.

Happy Anniversary, Eddie. I love you.

UnChristian Meme

I've been tagged by Happy on a new meme going around. (You can find out more about meme's in general and this on in particular at her site).

This meme is based on a book unChristian: What a New Generation Really Thinks about Christianity...and Why It Matters.

The tasks for the meme are to note three negative stereotypes of Christians and then one thing for which Christians should be known for.

Negative Stereotypes

Christians don't care for the poor. (Notice I didn't say that they don't "think about"). I have found that Christians are better at talking about and giving money to the poor or those we consider in need in any variety of ways much more than we are willing to get involved in actual lives and care for these same people. I say "we" because I find a fair amount of fault in myself on this one.

Christians are not willing to engage in thoughtful intellectual discussion. I find this one especially the case in "hot topic" areas. It is much easier to slam the door on the discussion than to engage and think and reason through. My thought is that this has a lot to do with fear.

Christians' primary concerns are fighting abortion and homosexuality. These are both hot-button areas and as such tend to get a lot of attention from media. I think the perception can easily be these are the issues for Christians.

What Christians should be known for

The bringing about of God's shalom, God's amazing peace and wholeness, to all of creation.

I'm captivated by what shalom means in the Bible and what that should then mean to followers of Christ today. What would life be if we viewed ourselves as God's peace-makers, as creators of wholeness and rightness within our world. Not in the sense of conquering and teaching right ways to others, but in serving?

Now, I tag:

Katie
Brad
Pastor Jim

A Stranger Becomes a Friend

I had to take my 3 year old daughter to the hospital for blood work and and x-rays associated with a sprained knee today. She's been limping for a week, so we figured it was time to make sure it wasn't something serious. She did great, especially since we ended up spending over three hours just waiting. We also received a good report, no inflammation and no break. Hurray!

While we were there, though, we met an amazing lady. "Miss Betty" came over to say hello after Elianna started grinning in her direction. Betty is probably in her early 70s. I was nervous when she came over. I don't feel like I measure up to the moms of my grandma's generation. I had nothing to fear, though. She was an absolutely lovely lady. When, in embarrassment, I mentioned that the blanket needed washed, she graciously replied that blankets aren't nearly as special when they're clean. As we continued our conversation, she shared that she worked for 17 years with the City of Denver as an advocate for women filing lawsuits associated with workplace discrimination. At the time, she needed to work as her husband was unable to support the family. She told me that she prayed that if she needed to work, she wanted to do something she was passionate about. She obviously found just that. Betty told me about what an amazing time it was working in that office; of the successes and the difficulty in some of the cases that didn't go so well.

We continued talking for a while. A stranger became a friend, if only for a few minutes in a hospital waiting room.

A Woman of Egypt

I just finished reading an autobiography by Jehan Sadat, A Woman of Egypt. The book is the story both of her and her husband, Muhammed Anwar el-Sadat, President of Egypt from 1970 to his assassination in 1981.

It was a very interesting book. Both members of this couple have been heralded for being "ahead of their times." President Sadat began to seek peace with Israel on November 9, 1977. It was this day that Sadat offered to go to Jerusalem. The offer, an acknowledgment that Israel existed, was the beginning of the road to peace, one still unfinished. It was also the point at which ties with Egypt and other Arab states became strained. Ultimately the fundamentalist response to peace with Israel, added to other policies put in place by Sadat, culminated in his assassination in 1981.

Sadat was part of the revolution of 1952 in Egypt. He and the Free Officers peacefully overthrew the Egyption government under King Farouk. As Jehan reports in the book, it was at this point and in the coming months, that Egypt gained its independence for the first time since 522 B.C. when the Persians invaded. It was an amazing time for Egypt.

While the politics of Egypt, including those of her husband, guided much of the story of the book, Jehan Sadat has a quite a story herself. She was born in 1933 to an Egyptian father and British mother. She grew up in what would be considered middle class Egyptian society. As she grew, she developed two great loves. The first was for her faith, Islam. The second was her country.

It is these two loves the influence Jehan Sadat as her story unfolds. With a husband exhibiting similar passions, she is wholly supportive of her husband. She also develops her own areas of influence in the care of the needy and the rights of women. She feels strongly that both these areas are spoken of in the Quran and are essential for Islam.

Jehan saw first-hand the effect of the subjection of women in the rural villages of Egypt. The laws allowing the men to easily divorce their wives, along with the allowance of multiple wives, created an environment for women that was difficult at best. In order to assist women in supporting themselves, she founded the Talla Cooperative. Here women were trained to sew to support their families as well as to support one another. Jehan also established Madinat el-Wafa' wal Amal - The City of Faith and Hope. Originally established as a training center for the rehabilitation of soldiers wounded in fighting, its vision expanded to include special housing, office buildings, a hospital and a school for handicapped children. Jehan raised funds from around the world for this project. Even the United States contributed 6 Million Egyptian pounds after Jehan informed Henry Kissinger, Secretary of State at the time, that it was the American's support of Israel in the war of 1973 that wounded so many of the Egyptian forces.

It was the chapter on "Women in Islam" that most captured my thoughts. To her, the difference between moderate and fundamentalist Muslims is linked primarily to interpretation of the Quran. Jehan believes that the the inception of Islam was revolutionary towards women. The Quran forbade killing infant girls, gave women the right to equal education, to work and open their own businesses and the right to initiate legal action and buy and sell property. She evens states that limiting a man to 4 wives was a significant improvement for the point of time in which the Quran was written.

These beliefs led Jehan to fight for reformed Status Laws, laws the govern how family life happens. These reformed laws required men to notify their current wife if they were to marry another woman, required men to pay alimony and to leave the family home with the wife and children if they were to divorce her. It also provided an easier process for women to divorce their husbands, a process that was next to impossible without this change.

Islam fundamentalists felt that the changes in the Personal Status Laws was an attack on the family, the heart of Egyptian society. Sound familiar? Let me be clear, I think the fight for women's equality in the US is a whole different scenario than the same fight in the Middle East. Sadat does not speak at all about honor killings and only briefly about genital mutilation. What submission means in the US, for the most part, is wholly different than what it means in most Arab countries. I do think that it's interesting that those who interpret the Quran most conservatively have similar arguments for the subjection of women as do those who interpret the Bible most conservatively. Jehan Sadat interprets the Quran as liberating and uses this view to meet the needs of the least in society; the poor, women, children, the wounded. The fundamentalists, taking a conservative view of their religious text, worry about the letter of the law and in the process miss meeting the real needs of the people around them.

The question I can't help but ask myself is this, "When fighting for our beliefs becomes more important than loving people around us, do those beliefs mean anything at all?"

Funny Bumper Sticker

I've been doing a lot of driving lately with 1st grade for my oldest and preschool for my middle kiddos. Thursdays are by far my most tedious driving days.

Some other minivan driver made all the driving much more bearable today. The van was plastered with numerous bumper stickers (just imagine the entire back-side of the van full). The one that made me laugh out loud said the following:

WHEN THE RAPTURE HAPPENS
CAN I HAVE YOUR CAR?

Not quite sure why it was so amusing, but I laughed for about 20 minutes straight!

Prayer Poem

There's a synchroblog going on about prayer. A lot of the the posts are listed at the Emerging Women site.

I've struggled personally with prayer lately. Well, let me take that back...I've struggled with prayer for a long time. I grew up in a church where great prayers were prayed. Praying in tongues was preferred. If you were a good person, your prayers would result in Porsches, Jaguars, a big house and an affluent American lifestyle. (Too bad for my husband we don't still ascribe to that system...it would be a great excuse to go out today and finance a Porsche)!

When we left that church, I began questioning prayer. I began questioning how I use prayer.

More recently, when I try to talk to God, I hear voices. The voices tell that it's never long enough, I should do more, I should be more, I don't measure up to the lists of "right" and "wrong." Worst of all I cannot turn from the reality that my prayers don't seem to make much difference in my day to day choices. I still really stink at being a "good Christian."

In trying to express my struggle with prayer, I wrote the following poem. (Note: creative writing has never been my strength, but I've found some things are expressed so much better this way):

Prayer.
My hand reaching out
to touch Divine.
A soul entwined with breath, with hope, with life.

My spirit longs for this fulfillment,
then shies away.
What if I reach for God
and find not love, but proposition?
My fingers caress those of Creator and
acceptance fades away as an empty promise?
What if the life of freedom promised
becomes a cage, inextricable, inescapable?

I step back, frightened to
move forward.
A warm hand enfolds mine.

Freedom, love, peace touch me.