Changing Directions

The last 2-3 years have been an amazing time of transition and change for me in how I understand God, myself and what the church's mission is in the world. Living in state of unknown is not generally something I enjoy, so last year I decided I would tackle that unknown and see what I could do to conquer it. My goal was to go through the names and descriptions of God in the Bible, reflect on that characteristic and what it meant both for God and for humanity as reflections of God's image.

My approach was primarily academic. I want to "know" about how God works, who God is and what that means to me. But, my first tendency is to know intellectually before I jump into actual relationship and intimacy. I want to know what I'm getting into before I take the big jump. I want to measure, massage and manipulate information so that I can understand God. And in the midst of that, I haven't opened my own heart to intimacy with my God.

This became clear to me throughout the Fall and Summer as I worked through the book of Jeremiah. I grew up hearing about God's anger and God's love, but not together. I heard that God was a God of grace, but also that I had to be a certain way, believe a certain way to avoid God's wrath. The message was usually that God is filled with grace, but that there's this scary part of him out there too and we're not sure what to do with it, so tread carefully.

In the book of Jeremiah, I came face-to-face with God's anger. Israel has been unfaithful to her God, time and time again. God has had it and through Jeremiah, speaks of the demise of this nation he has chosen to reveal himself to. I had a hard time with this. I see my own anger and I see horrible failure. It's difficult for me to understand anger in God and what that means for me.

I've been struggling with this for a while. Until at one point shortly after Christmas, I heard this voice. (Let me clear, I'm not saying it was God, but at the same time I'm not denying it either). The voice said, "How often do you get to know your friends by studying them".

That's my change in direction. I don't get God. The greatness of Creator, Redeemer, Wisdom, Provider is more that I can intellectually comprehend. I should have figured this out much sooner. But old habits can be hard to break.

In Jeremiah 33:2&3, the Lord spoke to Jeremiah saying, "...he who made the earth, the Lord who formed it and established it - the Lord is his name: Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable thing you do not know."

That is my prayer this year.

You're my what??

I spent the day today as I do very often after Christmas; organizing. I tend to like everything in its place, although have relaxed quite a bit since we have three young kids in the house. I did quite well shoving gifts in corners of closets and storing Amazon.com boxes as they arrived. But, once Christmas was over and the unwrapping complete, I go into reorganize mode. So, I spent the day with a plastic bag going through the house ditching unneeded stuff, carting storage containers from the basement to the upstairs bedrooms so as to clean out closets and reorganize toy storage. My house doesn't look any cleaner at the moment, but I have my system in place going forward, so feel like I'm at a good spot.

So, following this busy tidying day, I had to laugh at my son's synopsis. After dinner, I asked my three children to pick up their toys and put them in the containers I'd shown them earlier. As I finished up the dinner dishes, my oldest son who is 6 years, hollered from upstairs asking, "Mom, why is that I'm you're slave and I have to do all the work you should be doing?"

Ahhh...if only he knew how good he's got it! ;-)

Mary's Heart

I received this poem in via e-mail this week from our local CBE chapter. (The poem was written by Madeleine L'Engle, copied from a piece of choral music for 4 female voices. Published by H.W. Gray Puablications, c/o Belwin, Inc. 1989
Music by Daniel E. Gawthrop)

Mary Speaks by Madeleine L'Engle

O you who bear the pain of the whole earth, I bore you.
O you whose tears gave human tears their worth, I laughed with you.
You, who when your hem is touched, give pow'r, I nourished you.
Who turn the day to night in this dark hour, Light comes from you.

O you who hold the world in your embrace, I carried you.
Whose arms encircled the world with your grace. I once held you.
O you who laughed and ate and walked the shore, I played with you.
And I, who with all others, you died for,
now I hold you, now I hold you, now I hold you.

May I be faithful to this final test, in this last time I hold my child, my son;
his body close enfolded to my breast:
the holder held, the bearer borne.
Mourning to joy, darkness to morn.
Open, my arms; Open, my arms; your work is done.

What a beautiful image of Mary. Her mother's heart both holding and relinquishing her son. She understands his mission, but being God's son does not make him any less her's. It does not mitigate her pain. She opens her arms are releases her son for his purpose, holding to the promised hope of his purpose.

Christian Responsibility

I just read an article on CNN about crucifixes. It appears that many religious shops in the US are selling, unawares, crucifixes made in sweat shops in China.

The owner of Singer Co., a religious goods store stated, "Whether they came out of a sweatshop, we do not know...We asked Full Start to sign off that there are no sweatshop conditions involved, and no children and that they abide by Chinese law. This is a black eye for us."

CNN quotes Bill Anderson, president and chief executive of the Christian trade association, as saying: "While we occasionally hear this issue raised, and believe there are factories in China where human rights are violated, we believe claims that products sold through CBA member stores are made in these shops are irresponsible and unfounded."

I am assuming the very best about Christian bookstores and religious goods organizations; that they would never knowingly purchase and sell goods made in sweat shops that prey on women and children. But, I also think the responses given in this article are appalling.

Just recently, Gap ran into a nasty situation in which one of their subcontractors used child labor to make dress shirts for their baby gap stores. I'm not saying I'm fond of Gap's overall policy, but at least they took the information seriously and did something about it.

I would think that as Christians, purchasing a representation of God's sacrifice for humanity, that there would be an added responsibility to be aware of where the items come from and do something about it if you found out it was different than originally thought. What a horrible possibility that a crucifix would be made in a sweat shop. It seems ignorant to respond by saying that they know it happens in China, but that the reports for their products must be unfounded. It's also naive to fall back on the fact that the contractor was asked not to use sweat shops. When something is contracted clear across the world in an area known for corruption, it just makes sense that it might impact your merchandise.

I think we have a tremendous responsibility. In reading the response of these individuals to the allegations, I'm challenged in my own response. I often turn a blind eye. I justify my decisions based on my own convenience rather than allowing myself to feel the full consequences for whoever is at the other end of my purchasing choices. I'm not going to change overnight, but I will acknowledge that the situation is real and I need to take action.

The Insightful 3-year Old

Today my daughter picked up a journal (Priscilla Papers) from Christians for Biblical Equality (CBE). The picture on the front was of a group of five people praying. The camera was angled from the ground to look up at their faces.

My daughter saw the picture and laughed, saying, "Mommy, why are they all sleeping together?" I responded saying that they weren't sleeping, they were praying. She then pointed out one of the men in the picture and asked why that man was sleeping. Then, she laughed again, saying, "He's not sleeping, he's praying, Mommy." I asked her what she thought they were praying about.

She replied, "He's praying for all the girls."

Profound.

The Lord Came Near

This has been a week where I felt the Lord came near. I did not feel God's presence in an emotional way, but a very practical way.

Wednesday was the epitome of the week. Besides it being my husbands birthday, my brother was scheduled to defend his thesis, a moment long anticipated.

While getting ready to head out the door in the morning, I received a call I've been waiting on for five and a half long months. It was at that point that one of my closest friends packed up herself and her family to take her husband down to the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, FL. They had been told that the chances of receiving a life-saving liver transplant for her husband here in Colorado was unlikely do some particulars in his disease that are different than most liver diseases and therefore not factored in to transplant priorities. At the time they moved, the average liver wait was 4-6 weeks. They assumed it would be a 2-3 month time period and then they would all move back to Colorado.

Needless to say, it didn't happen that way. Instead, they have had a difficult path to walk, including the complete removal of Roald's colon due to a high likelihood of the development of cancer. It began to feel as if this moment would never arrive. They received a call that there was a potential liver at 7:30 Wednesday morning. Roald was put through all necessary pre-op procedures, but it wasn't until 7:30 that evening that they showed up in his hospital room with the wheelchair and the news that this was it.

Roald came through surgery very well and seems to be recovering even faster than the doctors originally anticipated.

My brother passed the defense with just a few changes to make before the final.

My husband successfully marked off another year on the calendar.

I am blessed by God's continued presence.

Redemption of the Whore

OK...I couldn't help the title. You think my words are strong, try the book of Jeremiah.

I have to admit as I first started digging into Jeremiah, I struggled. There's some strong language used in regard to the people of Israel. For instance, in Jer. 2:23-25, God says,

...See how you behaved in the valley;
consider what you have done.
You are a swift she-calmel
running here and there,
a wild donkey accustomed to the desert,
sniffing the wind in her craving -
in her heat who can restrain her?
Any males that pursue her need not tire
themselves;
at mating time they will find her.

I laughed when I read this. God sure didn't mince words in this description of Israel's unfaithfulness. I also struggled when I read this. I have a hard time accepting God's anger. Although as I think about it, I can understand God's anger, but trying to reconciling the love and anger together gets me.

Yet, throughout Jeremiah, it is evident that there is this ongoing dialog of God's anger and love. In fact, almost in response to the graphic language in the above reference, chapter 31 has corresponding voice of redemption:

The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying:

I have loved you with an everlasting
love;
I have drawn you with unfailing
kindness.
I will build you up again,
and you, Virgin Israel, will be rebuilt.
Again you will take up your timbrels
and go out to dance with the joyful...

Wow. When this verse is considered in comparison with the verse above, you cannot help but see a message of restoration. In our world that loads an extra "sin factor" on sexual sin, I find it quite amazing that God has restored the "she-camel in heat" to a virgin. This is obviously a biblical theme. Hosea is a great example of that. God told Hosea to marry a prostitute. The relationship between Hosea and his wife was used to provide a mirror as to God's relationship with the children of Israel. It seems that God is pretty interested in communicating that despite the most intimate form of adultery, despite the prostituting of God's people to other gods, this God of love restores and restores with purity.

I still don't really understand the interplay of God's anger and mercy. But in these stories, I do find this intense desire for restoration on God's part. I may not understand, but I find that I can trust.